I Excluded My MIL From Our Family Photo, Even Though She’s Always Been There for Us

Family boundaries with in-laws can get complicated, especially when it feels like a mother-in-law is overstepping or taking control. These situations can cause tension in marriages, spark gossip, and leave partners feeling sidelined.

Her Story:

Hey Bright Side,

My MIL is super helpful. Like, she’s the type who’ll bring over food unasked, help clean up after dinner, offer to babysit, etc. And I’ve always been genuinely grateful for her.

But lately, it feels like she’s crossing lines. A couple weeks ago, at a family party, we were about to take a “just the immediate family” picture. I asked her (politely, I swear!) if she could step aside for one shot. She looked surprised, but didn’t say anything and stepped back.

On the outside, no drama. Inside though? I was boiling.

But I have my reasons. I recently found out that she and my husband had planned an entire family vacation without even looping me in. I mean, flights booked, accommodations chosen, itinerary set, all behind my back.

When I called them on it, MIL was like, “Oh, I was just trying to make things easier for you.” But honestly? It didn’t feel like she was helping me. It felt like she was replacing me.

And the cherry on top? I later heard from cousins that she’s been gossiping about me, saying stuff like I’m “too controlling” or “not easy to work with.” So now, not only do I feel sidelined in my own family, I’m being painted as the bad guy.

That photo moment was small, but it hit me: I’m done being pushed out. I need to set some boundaries and take back my role in my family. But part of me worries I’m overreacting and just letting my hurt feelings get the best of me.

Bright Side, am I blowing this out of proportion? How do I set boundaries without nuking the relationship completely?

Best,
Mikaela

Thank you for opening up and sharing your story, Mikaela! I know that’s not always easy. We pulled together some pieces of advice that we hope feel supportive and give you a few different ways to look at things. Take what resonates, leave what doesn’t, and just know you’re not alone in this.

• Don’t fight battles on empty — You know how everything feels ten times worse when you’re already stressed? Don’t bring up heavy stuff when you’re exhausted or mid-party. Wait until you’ve had food, sleep, or even just a walk, and then tackle it. You’ll come across calmer, and people take you more seriously that way.
• Don’t let one role define you — Yeah, you’re a wife, daughter-in-law, mom, but you’re also you. Make sure you’re carving out space where you’re not “so-and-so’s wife” or “MIL’s daughter-in-law.” Whether that’s work, hobbies, or friends who don’t know the family drama, it keeps you from feeling like you’re being erased.
• Call out the “help” that isn’t helping — It’s okay to say, “I know you were trying to help, but this actually made things harder for me.” That’s not being ungrateful, that’s being honest. Helpful people sometimes don’t realize they’re bulldozing, and a little reality check goes a long way.

While dealing with in-law dynamics can be tricky, setting boundaries and finding your voice can strengthen both your confidence and your relationship. With patience and clear communication, it’s possible to create a healthier, more balanced family dynamic.
Read next: I Refuse to Let My DIL Dictate My Life, So I Served Her the Coldest Revenge