I Helped My DIL Through Every Step—Now She Is Cutting Me Out of Her Family

Being close to your grandchildren is an amazing experience. You have a chance to show them that you love them unconditionally. It can strengthen family bonds and help form stronger relationships with your in-laws. But Sarah discovered that it’s not always as great as it seems.

Our reader, Sarah, shared her story.

Dear Bright Side,

I’ve always had a good relationship with my son and DIL.I never said no when they asked for help, and even moved in when they had their first kid. My DIL wanted to return to work as soon as possible, and I babysat so she could.

Because of that, I was very close to my grandson. After a while, he even started calling me “mom.” I admit it was a little unusual, so I tried to correct him and have him call me “grandma” or “grand mama,” but he never changed it.

I could tell that it was annoying my DIL, but she never said anything about it. She just went on like nothing happened. Then, three weeks ago, my son went on a business trip. It was tough on all of us since it was the first time he went away in months.

But I stood strong and helped my DIL through it. She started working more because she didn’t want to feel alone, so I cooked the dinners and tucked my grandkid in. She felt stagnant, so we redecorated a little. We even planned a surprise dinner for when my son returned.

Everything went well, and she seemed to have returned to her usual self, until last week. My DIL was hosting a family dinner, and I was ready to help. But when I asked her what I could do, she cut me off. She said, “You’re not invited. This is only for the close family.”

When I asked her what she meant, she said it was for her, my son, and my grandson. I was a little shocked by her tone, but had no problem with them wanting an evening to themselves. So I still offered to help.

Then later on, as we were preparing, she looked me straight in the eyes and said, “I think you need to start looking for your own place. You’re confusing my child. He needs to know who his real mother is, and that isn’t you.”

I tried to explain that I had spoken to him about this. That I never wanted to replace her. My sole intention was to support her and love my grandchild. She said that it didn’t matter and that I didn’t do a good enough job at explaining the situation to my grandson. She insisted that I leave.

I was crushed. Since then, everything has changed. The hugs between us are short and stiff. I’ve stepped back with the hope that it would make her feel more comfortable, but she keeps putting a wall up between us. And the more time passes, the worse it’s getting.

So Bright Side, what should I do? Is there a way for me to fix this, or should I just accept her wishes and move out?

Regards,
Sarah K.

Thank you for reaching out to us, Sarah. We understand how difficult this situation must be, so we’ve put together some tips that might help you.

Acknowledge and validate your DIL’s feelings.

Even though you never intended to replace her, your grandson calling you “mom” clearly touched a sensitive nerve. Instead of only correcting your grandson, consider having an honest conversation with your DIL where you acknowledge how confusing and hurtful that must feel for her. Let her know you see her as the primary mother and that you want to support her role, not compete with it.

Shift from living in their household to being a supportive presence around it.

It sounds like you stepped in during a transitional period when your DIL needed extra support, but now she may feel like her role and independence as a parent are being overshadowed. Even if it feels painful, looking for your own space might actually preserve your long-term bond. You can frame it not as “leaving” but as “giving them room to grow as a family” while still being available for babysitting, dinners, or special moments.

Rebuild trust through small, intentional actions.

Don’t push for big reconciliations right now. Instead, give her space while consistently showing respect for her boundaries. For example, when your grandson calls you “mom,” gently redirect him without making it a big scene. When you visit, ask your DIL what she would like you to do, and follow her lead. Over time, these little gestures can show her that you’re not trying to take her place but rather to strengthen her family unit.

Sarah might not be wrong in this situation, but maybe her DIL has a point. Being too close can cause fractures in a relationship, and nobody wants that.

But Sarah isn’t the only reader with in-law struggles. Another one of our readers reached out. This is their story, My MIL Kept Ignoring My Boundaries—So I Finally Took My Revenge.