I Hurt My Fiancé With My Instant Bond With Our Newborn

Family & kids
2 weeks ago

Being a first-time parent can be an exciting yet challenging experience. There is a huge change in parents' lives as they adapt to new circumstances due to new responsibilities. This includes the relationship between them. This new parent shared a story about the challenges she and her fiancé faced in terms of their relationship after their first baby arrived.

This is her story.

I gave birth a few weeks ago to our daughter. As I held her for the first time and looked into her eyes, I said, “I didn’t realize I could love a person this much,” and cried. She is perfect and beautiful.

My mom looked at me and said that feeling never goes away (which made us both ugly cry, lol). It was a really special moment.

My fiancé was quiet but smiled. Later, he privately said he was hurt. He expressed that he loves us both equally, and my comment made it seem like I loved our daughter more than him.

I gave him a "are you serious" look, and he dropped it. However, yesterday he brought it up again.

I told him honestly that yes, I love and cherish our daughter and have never experienced this kind of love for another human being. He mentioned that most “normal people” would find it a hurtful comment and take offense due to the implication.

Her story received many advices.

  • For some new parents, it takes time to bond with their newborn. I've met people that say it took nearly a year... It's possible your partner won't understand the feeling you describe until he is bonded to your child, too. I think he will understand eventually... Just give it some time. Nice_Bullfrog_11 / Reddit
  • What you're both feeling is valid. That said, he needs to try looking at this from your perspective and your experience for the last 9 months. Maybe he needs to try talking to other dads or his own dad about it and getting some outside perspective.
    I would like to add that not all mothers bond with their babies right away either, and that's normal too. I didn't. It took a while to love my baby. serenerepose / Reddit
  • Your love for your child is absolute. Your love for your spouse is not. This means that while children are first, your relationship with your spouse must always be nurtured and protected.
    Get date nights. Build inside jokes and learn to think as a team. Spousal relationships require work that parental may not. Not saying being a parent isn't work - but the love you have for your children is bone deep and will always be. Paxdog1 / Reddit
  • I’ve been with my husband for 40 years and to this day, I love my two adult daughters more than my husband. He knows it and is ok with it.
    It’s a different kind of love. It’s not romantic, like with a partner. It’s endless, selfless, without conditions, it’s to the soul kind of love. Your husband needs therapy to get over being jealous of his own baby. IntroductionNo7686 / Reddit

Some also shared their first-time parent experience.

  • It took me months, and my partner said the same thing as OP. All I knew when the little guy arrived was that I had to protect him at all costs, but I didn't have that same connection as my partner. She carried him for 9 months, caring for and nurturing him. She gave him a look I had only ever seen her give me, and for a quick second, jealousy popped into my head. But I knew I wasn't being replaced; I just had to get used to sharing the love that had always been mine.
    After some time, though, watching and caring for my kid, I started to understand what she felt. Now, three years later, I value them both so much that I wouldn't even question for a moment stepping in front of any danger to protect them both. Parenthood is some crazy stuff. CastCuraga / Reddit
  • I'm not and will never be a mom. But when I was 16, I was one of the first people to hold my eldest niece when she was born. I looked down into that tiny, perfect face and I absolutely knew, for the very first time in my life, what unconditional love was. I never knew how much I could love someone until she existed.
    The best part is that there's a photo of me holding my niece at that moment, looking down at her and knowing I would do anything to keep her safe and happy. She'll be 28 soon and is getting married this fall. I'm going to quietly ugly sob out of happiness during her ceremony. savvyliterate / Reddit
  • When I was pregnant the second time, I exclaimed that I cannot imagine that I could love the baby as much as I loved the first. An older lady said, “Your love is not divided, it is doubled.” That is true, and 33 years later it still is true. Skyvueva / Reddit

What advice would you give to a first-time parent facing a similar situation? On the other side, another woman shared her story where her husband turned down his promise to be a stay-at-home dad. Read her story here.


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