I Lost My Dream Job Because of My Son—Then I Made Everything Worse

Your children can disappoint you. Losing an opportunity you worked hard for, due to someone else’s negligence, is a terrible feeling. And that hurt probably deepens when a family member is the one at fault.

One father felt the hurt when his son cost him a job that he’d been longing for, even after knowing how important it was to his dad. The dad’s form of discipline, though, is causing a rift within the house as the family believes the punishment is too harsh. We couldn’t help but weigh in on the situation.

Finally, a breakthrough

I (44M) have been job hunting for the last few months after being laid off earlier this year. It’s been a rough time—financially and emotionally. After months of job hunting, I finally secured a final-round interview for a promising role: better pay, remote flexibility, and actually in my field. It was my dream job.

I made it clear to my family, especially my 17-year-old son, that I needed total silence and zero distractions during the virtual call. He said he understood. Well, halfway through my interview, my son yells for me, then suddenly he slams the door open, completely jeopardizing the opportunity for me.

His interruption

Well, 15 minutes into the interview, I hear my son calling my name. I do my best to pretend that I don’t hear him, but then he barges into the room—yelling, “Dad! Where’s the charger for the portable speaker?” I was mid-answer when it happened.

The hiring manager’s expression said it all. I muted myself and scolded my son, but he just rolled his eyes and said, “It’s okay, they’ll understand.” They did not understand. I didn’t make it past that round.

I was crushed. I told my son how badly he’d messed up, and he barely gave a half-hearted apology. He said it “wasn’t a big deal” and that I’d “get another one.” His lack of remorse stung worse than the interruption itself.

The consequences

After thinking about it for a day, I told him he’s not going to prom this year. I’d already paid for his suit rental and chipped in for tickets, months ago, but I called the rental company and cancelled. I told him that if he can’t respect something that important to me, then I don’t feel inclined to reward him with something important to him. He flipped out, called me cruel, and said I was “ruining his life over a charger.”

My wife thinks I overreacted and should’ve just grounded him, while my in-laws are saying I’m being “too harsh” and “taking out my disappointment on my kid.” But I genuinely feel like this was a necessary consequence to drive home how actions (and attitude) have weight.

Was I really in the wrong, though?

Thank you for your story. We understand your hurt over the situation, and we have some points to share with you that might help.

Your disappointment is valid.

Not only did you lose an opportunity that you really wanted, but your son deeply disappointed you. Your disappointment in your son was understandable. It’s valid to feel hurt and even angry when your feelings were not valued by someone whom you trusted to acknowledge them.

Especially because you’d worked so hard to get to the last stage and when you finally did, you lost over a disruption that was very much preventable. And now you’re left feeling like the opportunity was taken from you because of your son’s behavior — and you’re stuck not knowing whether you could’ve actually got the job if he hadn’t interrupted, or not.

Your son lacks respect.

You clearly communicated what you needed from your family, and they said they understood. Your son, at 17, is old enough to understand the importance of boundaries and consequences. So he knew exactly what he was doing, but he just didn’t care.

His decision to interrupt — especially for such a minor issue — clearly indicates his lack of respect and awareness.

Evaluate where your decision is coming from.

That being said, cancelling your son’s prom is a very serious method of discipline, and you need to check that you are not acting from a place of resentment, but rather one of accountability. It’s likely that your son’s lack of interest intensified your frustration with him, and maybe a day was not enough time for you to make a decision that wasn’t fuelled by anger.

So, does the punishment fit the crime? And is there an opportunity to learn from the punishment you gave? Have you considered other alternatives—such as grounding, reducing privileges, or requiring him to make amends—that could’ve still taught him a lesson without creating lasting resentment over a milestone event like prom?

But this might only be able to happen if you’ve really forgiven him. Your own actions have consequences — are you able to stand for yours?

Your wife’s opinion matters too.

Try to understand where your wife and in-laws are coming from. Don’t base this decision solely on your own understanding but get a second opinion. Have a conversation with your wife — as you are partners — and make sure that you are both comfortable with the form of discipline.

This way, you don’t have to destroy your relationship with your son by making a decision on your feelings. But you also show respect to your wife by including her in the process, hearing her out and working with her to discipline your son.

Parenting is no easy task, and children just have a way of being so unpredictable. Check out this mom who was shocked by her daughter’s request. It gets a bit emotional.