I Pushed My Son to Get a Real Job, but It Shattered Our Family

month ago

I Pushed My Son to Get a Real Job, but It Shattered Our Family

Our reader pushed her son to get a “real job,” convinced his life was a waste. After a heated fight, he left home. But the reality behind his sudden departure forced her to face an uncomfortable truth. Did she fail as a mother?

Dear Bright Side,

I’m Liza, I raised three kids I’m actually proud of. My oldest daughter is a lawyer (27), my youngest daughter (20) is in medical school, but my middle son (25) still lives with us and refuses to get a job, saying he’s “working on his gaming career.” I push him to grow up and find work.

Last week, I decided to talk to him again, but he got defensive, we fought, and I called him a failure. The next morning, I went to his bedroom to apologize, but his bed was empty. There was a note and a check for $2,000.

I froze when I read it, “Mom, I can’t pretend like everything is fine. I know you don’t respect what I do, but it’s real work I’m pretty good at. Here’s $2,000 to pay you back for what you’ve spent on me. I was saving up for my own place to live, but I’m leaving now, so you won’t feel like I’m dragging you down.”

Turns out he’s a successful streamer. But, to be honest, I can’t shake the feeling that it’s not a real career, if we can even call this a career. Honestly, I’m embarrassed to tell people what he does. I’m torn between feeling proud that he’s independent and ashamed that his job is something that can’t be respected.

Am I wrong? I’m his mother, who is supposed to support him, after all.

Cheryl Cadwell

2 weeks ago

Wow, such a good mother. Calling your son a failure because YOU ARE TOO IGNORANT TO UNDERSTAND WHAT HE DOES. Will you suddenly be PROUD OF HIM after you realize that he is probably going to make more money than your other kids? You nagged him without trying to know what he does, how long did you think that he would put up with that? Your generation (I am of the same one as you) doesn't count how much has changed from when you (we) were starting out. I don't understand much about it, but I see the passion these young people have for making their own way. Just because we don't get it, that is on us. I hope that you can be humble enough to apologize from the heart and try to learn about what excited him enough to pursue this line of endeavor. He certainly has more compassion for you than you had for him.

Renee Stephens

3 weeks ago

What is there not to respect? You start your post saying "he won't get a job", yet he clearly has a job. You just don't care for his choice. When was the last time your lawyer daughter gave you a check for 2 grand (She could have we just don't know)? My son is also a successful streamer and he is married with 3 kids living in a half million dollar home, driving a brand new BMW. It's a legit career. You just need to get over your old fashioned way of thinking about jobs. I'm 60 and it wasn't easy, but I couldn't be prouder of him. And I promise you. Nobody is judging what he does but you.

HI Liza,

Yes, we believe that you were wrong to call him a failure. You see two daughters thriving in traditional, respectable fields and a son who broke away to pursue something you struggle to take seriously. But here’s the truth: your feelings of shame don’t change his success, and the way you handle this now will determine whether you keep or lose him.

Stop framing his work as “not a real career.” That attitude is outdated. Streaming is a multi-billion-dollar industry with clear income streams: ads, subscriptions, sponsorships, donations. If your son has been saving $2,000 while living at home, he is already proving financial viability. Dismissing it only damages your relationship and undercuts his motivation.

R Shawn

4 weeks ago

It is "real" work to your son with the potential for very good money. More importantly it sounds as if he is happy doing what he is doing and wanted you to be proud of him as well.

Separate your embarrassment from reality. You’re ashamed because his career doesn’t match traditional paths like law or medicine. That shame is yours, not his problem. His success doesn’t vanish because you don’t like the label. Stop comparing him to his siblings. Their careers don’t make his worthless.

Acknowledge that you failed to understand the value of his work. He left because you called him a failure. You need to repair that. Acknowledge that you disrespected him. Do not add “but.” Any justification may erase the apology.

Reset your expectations. Your son is 25, earning money. If you want him to contribute to your expenses, don’t hint at it—state the exact number or percentage you expect monthly. If you feel it’s time for him to live separately, say it clearly, not through fights. Independence is healthy at his age, and since he’s already financially capable, you can propose a timeline and boundaries. Frame it as a step toward adulthood.

Another thing that tests families is money. Inheritance, which should bring stability, often sparks fights, distance, and cold silence. Here are stories of people who lost more than money when the wills were read.