I Refuse to Be a Wallet for My Girlfriend’s Kids, and Her Family Is Calling Me Selfish

Sometimes, expectations in a relationship exceed what is reasonable. The man in this story set a boundary when his girlfriend asked him to take care of her and her children. His refusal not only surprised her, but also sparked an intense reaction from her mother.

“I have been dating this girl, Amy, since May 2022. We met through a mutual friend, and things were going pretty well up until a few days ago.

Amy has two kids from a previous relationship—twin boys who are seven years old now. I get along great with them. Amy and I started to discuss moving in together and how that would all work out with the kids. Things didn’t seem like a problem till she asked if we could find a place that I could afford to pay rent on my own in case she becomes a stay-at-home mom.

I asked in what instance she would become a stay-at-home mom when we aren’t planning on having more kids, and I got a vasectomy two years ago, which she knows of. She said it’s always been her dream to be a stay-at-home mom for her kids, and the boys will benefit a lot from always having her home. She said she knows it’ll be a lot for me to take on, but she would appreciate it if we could talk about it and possibly make it happen as soon as we move in together.

We discussed it, and I told her I’m honestly not comfortable with the idea of me being the sole breadwinner for our 4-person household. I could afford rent on my own, but groceries, bills, stuff the kids will need, etc., I can’t afford all that, and if I could make it work, that would leave nothing for savings.

I also said the boys are in school most of the day, and although I agree that any child will greatly benefit from having a parent available 24/7, I don’t think it’s a necessity. I also told her I’ll be stressed out having them all rely on me. She said she understood and that it was fine. We didn’t speak about it again.”

“I got a call from her mom a week after I had the discussion with my girlfriend. Her mom started the conversation sweetly enough before getting to the point. She asked why I had decided to date a single mother if I was not willing to step up for her and her kids.

To be honest, this made me angry. I didn’t know deciding to date a single mom meant I’d have to happily be financially responsible for them all. I told her, with all due respect, this was between me and Amy.

She said Amy wasn’t going to have more kids because she’s with me, and this was her only chance of being completely devoted to her kids; and although I could ‘easily’ afford it, I was being stingy because I simply couldn’t be bothered to make a sacrifice. My blood was boiling, and I was trying not to say something rude back. I told her it wasn’t her business and cut the call.

I spoke to Amy and asked her what her mom was on about. She said she needed someone to vent to about the situation, and her mom had her best interest at heart. She said she thought it would be better for me to get her mom’s perspective, then make a decision.

I asked if it would be okay for me to go tell my mom that my girlfriend was asking me to bankroll her and her children’s lives. She said I was taking things too personally, and I should’ve expected things not to go great after our discussion.

I’m at a loss here.”

Some recommendations:

• Managing Financial Expectations: Review the financial expectations within the relationship. Ensure that both are on the same page regarding handling expenses and rent distribution. It’s important that both feel comfortable and valued in terms of their financial contributions. Consider creating a detailed budget to clearly visualize both incomes and expenses.
• Defining Roles and Responsibilities: Clarify the roles and responsibilities at home. Make sure to discuss who will be responsible for which tasks, from finances to household chores and childcare.
• Maintaining Open Communication: Set up regular meetings to discuss financial management and any necessary adjustments. Constant communication can prevent misunderstandings and resentment. Talk to your partner about how to handle the involvement of relatives in the couple’s decisions, and establish clear boundaries.
• Evaluating the Relationship: Reflect on whether your goals and priorities align with your partner’s. It’s essential to share a common vision for the future. Consider if you’re willing to make significant compromises in your expectations and find common ground that works for both.
• Setting Boundaries With Extended Family: Define and communicate the personal and financial boundaries to the extended family. It’s crucial that family influence on the couple’s personal decisions does not negatively impact the relationship.

Mothers-in-law can be key figures in the development of a relationship. Some users have shared such crazy experiences with theirs, leaving them wondering if they are truly beings of this world:

• 15 Mothers-in-Law Who Know How to Spice Up the Life