Families come in all shapes and sizes, but whatever form they come in, there are always emotions involved. Whether your relationships are good or bad, certain things are bound to happen. One of our readers reached out to share their experience.
Dear Bright Side,
I love my sister and nieces and care about them deeply. That’s why my apartment has been my sister’s free weekend daycare for the past year. But I recently got promoted at work, and my new job demanded extra hours, something I couldn’t do while babysitting.
So when my sister called on Friday to ask if I was still up for taking in the kids, I said no. I had already told her I wouldn’t be able to dedicate as much time to them the day I got promoted, and she seemed to be understanding.
But on Friday, she snapped and called me selfish. She said the kids would be “devastated” and I should’ve thought about that before chasing my career. I was shocked. My sister had never spoken to me like that before, and I couldn’t believe that she would use the kids to try to guilt-trip me.
I tried to stay calm and explain the situation to my sister again. This was a big career move for me, something that would get me to the position I wanted, the exact reason I haven’t had kids of my own yet. And I couldn’t just let it pass through my fingers because she expected me to watch her kids.
She said that I promised I would always be there for her and the kids, which I didn’t, and demanded that I tell my boss I’m unavailable on weekends. That’s when I took a stand. I said, “I’m not your servant, you can’t just order me to drop my life when you want me around.”
She hung up and showed up at my door with the kids early on Saturday morning. I refused to take them in and told her that she should never try something like that again because I will not give in to her blatant manipulation.
I haven’t heard from her since. But last night, her oldest daughter called me in tears and revealed that her mother told them that they were a burden and I didn’t want to look after them anymore because they’re “too naughty.” Apparently, her little sister hasn’t stopped crying since.
I was furious, so I went over to my sister’s house to deal with the situation. When I got there, she said that the girls know the truth and no longer want to see me. I called her out on her lies and went to see my nieces.
After explaining the situation to them, the younger of the two asked if I would let them stay over on weekends now that it’s sorted out, and I honestly don’t know what to say to her. If I refuse, they will think their mother was right. If I give in, it could cost me my promotion.
So Bright Side, what do you think I should do? Should I risk it and look after my nieces to spare their feelings? Or should I put my career first?
Regards,
Layla M.
I understand your sister is a nightmare and of course you shouldn't give up every weekend but you got to talk to the kids directly. That's an easy fix! Of course you guys can still come over. I love having you! We'll pick one weekend every month for just us. Easy peezy.
Do YOU want that promotion? Then GROW UP, put your sister in her place and live YOUR OWN LIFE. She WILL bring them back around, but she is trying to guilt you into giving in. If you do, you have only yourself to blame.
Dear Layla,
Thank you for reaching out and sharing your story with us.
You should separate your nieces’ emotional safety from your sister’s access to your time, and make that separation very clear to everyone involved, especially the kids.
Right now, the real damage isn’t that you said no to babysitting. It’s that your sister weaponized that “no” by telling her children they were a burden.
That means if you give in now, you won’t be comforting your nieces; you’ll be teaching your sister that emotionally manipulating them is an effective way to override your boundaries.
The most responsible move is to tell your nieces, calmly and consistently, that you love them, that they are never a burden, and that adults sometimes have work responsibilities that don’t reflect how much they care.
Then hold the line on weekends while offering something you can realistically sustain. Something like a scheduled dinner once a week, a monthly sleepover you plan around work, or regular video calls, so the girls still feel secure without you becoming their default childcare again.
This keeps your promotion intact, protects your nieces from being used as leverage, and forces your sister to solve the childcare problem she created instead of outsourcing it to your life.
Layla finds herself in a very difficult situation, and the way she reacts next will determine what her relationship with her sister and the kids will look like in the future.
But she isn’t the only one with family struggles. Another one of our readers reached out to share their experience. Read the full story here: I Refuse to Let My Sister Get Away Without Repaying My Money, I’m Not Charity.
