I Refuse to Care for My Husband’s 3 Kids — I’m Not a Free Babysitter
Managing merged families can be quite difficult, and Carla is facing these difficulties directly. She feels obligated to look after her partner’s three children for extended periods daily while his former spouse is engaged in demanding work. Unhappy with this situation, Carla sought our guidance.
You want call yourself a "housewife" (your word) ... fine. A housewife has an incredibly difficult job, often working more and/or harder then the "provider." That job, which we should all respect more, includes taking care of the household kids during working hours. The kids you were asked to care for are not "someone elses." They are YOUR step kids, and their dad's house is also THEIR house. They are an implied part of your duties, for which you already receive compensation ... that's the housewife gig. Now, I'm no chauvinist, I have a lot of respect for stay at home wives, and also for women pursuing their work outside the home, but I have less respect for someone that doesn't make an effort to do their job well or to completion. If your going to be a surgeon, do it well and I'll respect you ... if you're going to be a housewife, same thing ... do it well and I'll respect you. You failed at your job, and you got disrespected, just as I would if I demanded a raise every time work I hadn't planned on got dropped on my desk. If you want respect, do the entire job, especially if your job involves kids ... those children are far more important then your petty jealousy over the biomoms "important" job. Your job is important, too ... do it next time.
I'd have taken those boxes and left. Dropping the kids with his ex.
🗣️ 📣You have the right to do with YOUR time what YOU want! People ASSUMING you do NOTHING at home ALL DAY are knuckleheads unless they are the fly on YOUR walls! You don't have to explain to any of us what you do with YOUR time! If you're expected to school the kids at home I totally agree with your pricing, but if they're only with you for after school hours that pricing is steep! If your husband is paying monthly CHILD SUPPORT he needs a clue! IJS
Yeah. What I didn't hear was the clear communication of expectations with your husband where you both decide what will make both of you happy and then both of you calmly communicating that joint decision to his ex.
It sounds like both people of this marriage made unilateral decisions. Which is not a partnership. Good luck!
You do nothing all day. Being a stay at home wife is not a demanding job. Even though they aren't technically your children, you married a man who has children. His ex-wife should definitely find alternative childcare for when she has the children, because it's her time and not his. But, seriously, demanding money to watch the children when you are leeching off your husband is top notch gold digger. I could understand if you were a stay at home mother and you had your own children to care for. Did you really expect people to sympathize with you?
Being a good house wife is hard work. Your wife obviously isn't one. Don't insult people .
You literally do nothing all day if you don't have your own kids at home! You are a leech. There is not much house cleaning or cooking to do if no one is ever there. I'm glad he chose his kids over a gold digger.
Unless husband is using her as a personal chef, house cleaner, and free babysitter. Then she is plenty busy. Unfortunately we do not know if husband takes care of himself or only provides money and is expecting her to do everything else.
You're his wife and at the end of the day they are his kids. You're home you can help. When you married him you married them grow up
My second husband has become my daughter's dad and provider. We're family. You said you don't want to be family to the man you married. You don't have to be married: nor does he.
BTW - we're not conservatives - this isn't some conservative view of familial roles. Families look out for each other: when it's a joy and when it's difficult. That's family, regardless of race, religion, or creed. If you don't want this family why should they want you?
Bait and switch. He wanted a wife appliance, not a partner.
Listen men need to take care of their own messes!
If it was the other way around people would say he's not being supportive.
Thank you for reaching out Carla!
This is a sensitive matter. We’ve put together four different suggestions for you to think about.
Foster open dialogue with your spouse.
Have a peaceful, private conversation with your husband to share your thoughts and worries. Make it clear that your request for compensation came from a place of frustration and doesn’t reflect your feelings towards his children.
Describe the physical and emotional strain of suddenly taking care of three kids, and propose finding a balance or compromise, like dividing responsibilities or arranging for scheduled assistance.
Suggest an organized childcare schedule.
Rather than asking for payment, suggest a more organized childcare plan to your husband and his ex-wife. This could involve establishing specific times when you are in charge of the kids and making sure your husband is more engaged during his free time.
Also, consider discussing the possibility of hiring a part-time nanny or enrolling the kids in after-school activities to reduce some of the burden on you.
Pursue family therapy.
Propose going to family counseling together. A therapist can facilitate the discussion and help everyone understand each other’s viewpoints.
This can enhance communication and empathy among you, your husband, and his ex-wife, and offer strategies for managing blended family dynamics more effectively.
Concentrate on self-care and personal limits.
Focus on self-care and define distinct personal limits. Discuss with your spouse the necessity of having individual time and space. This could mean arranging consistent breaks or hobbies that you enjoy, making sure you have moments to unwind.
Motivate your spouse to be more engaged in his parenting duties when he’s home, so you don’t feel overloaded and solely accountable for the children.
Regarding merged families, Kirsten also faces difficulties with her ex-spouse’s new wife. When Kirsten asked that she not come to her son’s graduation, it triggered a surprising chain of events that left her heartbroken. You can check her story here.
Comments
Just say "No, not my kids. If you dump them again I'm calling CPS.". And dump ah hubby while you're at it.
As a mom I would NEVER expect their step to take care of them....EVER!!
Related Reads
I Refuse to Treat My DIL Like Royalty Just Because She’s Pregnant
My Parents Handed My Sister a Dream Life—And Treated Me Like I Didn’t Exist
My Son Introduced Another Woman a Week After His Divorce, I Had to Intervene
My Husband Cruelly Abandoned Me During Childbirth, and Here’s How I Got Even
12 Disturbing Memories That Tore People Apart
My Dad Was Sending My Wife Monthly Payments — When I Found Out Why, I Filed for Divorce
My MIL Demanded a Paternity Test for Our Baby—I Made Her Regret It
I Was Abandoned by My Parents, Then I Got the Letter That Shocked Me
My Dad Walked Out on Me 10 Years Ago, Now He Wants to Meet My Child
I Refuse to Let My Sister Back Into Our Lives After What She Did
I Said No to Raising My Ex’s Son, He Wasn’t My Responsibility
I Snapped Back After My Cousin Kept Mocking My Budget Wedding—Now My Family’s Furious
