Managing merged families can be quite difficult, and Carla is facing these difficulties directly. She feels obligated to look after her partner’s three children for extended periods daily while his former spouse is engaged in demanding work. Unhappy with this situation, Carla sought our guidance.
Yeah. What I didn't hear was the clear communication of expectations with your husband where you both decide what will make both of you happy and then both of you calmly communicating that joint decision to his ex.
It sounds like both people of this marriage made unilateral decisions. Which is not a partnership. Good luck!
You do nothing all day. Being a stay at home wife is not a demanding job. Even though they aren't technically your children, you married a man who has children. His ex-wife should definitely find alternative childcare for when she has the children, because it's her time and not his. But, seriously, demanding money to watch the children when you are leeching off your husband is top notch gold digger. I could understand if you were a stay at home mother and you had your own children to care for. Did you really expect people to sympathize with you?
You literally do nothing all day if you don't have your own kids at home! You are a leech. There is not much house cleaning or cooking to do if no one is ever there. I'm glad he chose his kids over a gold digger.
Unless husband is using her as a personal chef, house cleaner, and free babysitter. Then she is plenty busy. Unfortunately we do not know if husband takes care of himself or only provides money and is expecting her to do everything else.
You're his wife and at the end of the day they are his kids. You're home you can help. When you married him you married them grow up
My second husband has become my daughter's dad and provider. We're family. You said you don't want to be family to the man you married. You don't have to be married: nor does he.
BTW - we're not conservatives - this isn't some conservative view of familial roles. Families look out for each other: when it's a joy and when it's difficult. That's family, regardless of race, religion, or creed. If you don't want this family why should they want you?
Bait and switch. He wanted a wife appliance, not a partner.
Listen men need to take care of their own messes!
If it was the other way around people would say he's not being supportive.
Thank you for reaching out Carla!
This is a sensitive matter. We’ve put together four different suggestions for you to think about.
Have a peaceful, private conversation with your husband to share your thoughts and worries. Make it clear that your request for compensation came from a place of frustration and doesn’t reflect your feelings towards his children.
Describe the physical and emotional strain of suddenly taking care of three kids, and propose finding a balance or compromise, like dividing responsibilities or arranging for scheduled assistance.
Rather than asking for payment, suggest a more organized childcare plan to your husband and his ex-wife. This could involve establishing specific times when you are in charge of the kids and making sure your husband is more engaged during his free time.
Also, consider discussing the possibility of hiring a part-time nanny or enrolling the kids in after-school activities to reduce some of the burden on you.
Propose going to family counseling together. A therapist can facilitate the discussion and help everyone understand each other’s viewpoints.
This can enhance communication and empathy among you, your husband, and his ex-wife, and offer strategies for managing blended family dynamics more effectively.
Focus on self-care and define distinct personal limits. Discuss with your spouse the necessity of having individual time and space. This could mean arranging consistent breaks or hobbies that you enjoy, making sure you have moments to unwind.
Motivate your spouse to be more engaged in his parenting duties when he’s home, so you don’t feel overloaded and solely accountable for the children.
Regarding merged families, Kirsten also faces difficulties with her ex-spouse’s new wife. When Kirsten asked that she not come to her son’s graduation, it triggered a surprising chain of events that left her heartbroken. You can check her story here.
