I Refuse to Fund My Stepgrandson’s Education, I’m Not a Charity Foundation

Stepchildren tend to complicate family relationships. Grandparents don’t know where they fit in, and parents have struggles of their own. That’s without mentioning what the kids go through. And when financial dependence is involved, things get even worse. One of our readers shared their experience.

This is Stephanie’s story.

Dear Bright Side,

I’ve worked hard for 35 years to save for my retirement, and I finally got to where I needed to be. Last month, my retirement became official, and I started planning the life I want to live from this point out. No obligations, just stress-free travelling, that’s what I always wanted.

But a couple of weeks ago, my daughter demanded that I use that money to pay for her stepson’s college. I refused, knowing that his father had set up a college fund for him years ago. Plus, he isn’t even related to me, and she never wanted me to be a grandmother to him when I tried.

My daughter lost it and started yelling at me. She said, “I won’t help when you’re old and sick,” but I told her that I didn’t expect her to. I calculated that into my retirement fund as well. When my husband and I were too old to travel, we’d be set up in a nice retirement home on the Florida coast.

We had a family dinner this weekend. My daughter was upset, as I expected her to be, but I brushed it off. Until I overheard her having a discussion with my husband. I froze when my husband told her, “Things are tough and your mom has all these plans, but I’ll see what I can do, Princess.”

I was beyond angry. I couldn’t believe my husband would undermine me like this, or that he would enable her entitlement like that. But there was no way I was going to stand for it. So I booked everything I wanted to book and put the rest into the retirement home. My account is empty.

When my husband asked me about it, I simply said, “I saved for our retirement, and I’m going to enjoy it.” Since then, he’s been looking for peace jobs in an attempt to fulfil his promise to my daughter, and he’s saying he might not be able to go on all the trips with me.

Now I’m torn. I don’t want to entitle my daughter, but I don’t want my husband to suffer because of it either. So Bright Side, what do you suggest? Should I cancel some of the later trips and give my daughter the money? Or should I stand my ground?

Regards,
Stephanie O.

Some advice from our Editorial team.

Dear Stephanie,

Thank you for reaching out and sharing your story with us.

Stand your ground, but pull your husband fully back onto your side, immediately. This situation stopped being about your daughter’s stepson the moment your husband quietly told her, “I’ll see what I can do.”

That sentence didn’t just undermine you, it created false hope and shifted the conflict from a parent—child boundary into a marital one.

The most important move now isn’t canceling trips or reopening your retirement fund. It’s making it crystal clear to your husband that there is no “I’ll see what I can do” when it comes to money you earned alone and already allocated.

Sit him down and explain that his promise forced you to lock everything in, not out of spite, but because you could no longer trust that your shared future wouldn’t be negotiated behind your back.

If he chooses peace jobs to fund a promise he never had the right to make, that is his choice, not your responsibility to undo.

Canceling trips or paying your daughter now won’t restore harmony. It will only teach both of them that pressure and secrecy work.

There is only one way forward that preserves your dignity, your marriage, and your retirement is unity, and that starts with your husband publicly retracting a promise that was never his to offer.

Stephanie finds herself in a very difficult situation, and her next steps will determine where her relationship with her daughter will end. But she isn’t the only one with family struggles.

Another one of our readers reached out to share their experience. You can read it here: I Chose to Save My Sick Dog Over My DIL’s Son, He’s Not My Responsibility.