Dear Bright Side,
My husband and I both have children from previous marriages, but we married each other while they were still very young. My stepdaughter, Eve, was the youngest of the batch and I raised her with my kids, treated her like she was one of my own. Loved her like one of my own.
Now, after years of being a family, she is all grown up and getting married. A few weeks ago, Eve came to me and asked if she could wear my wedding dress to honor me on her big day. I was deeply touched by her request and would’ve given it to her.
But then she started talking about all the alterations she wanted to have made. That didn’t sit well with me because my daughter asked for the same. When her big day came she wanted to get married in my dress as it was when I married her stepdad.
But Eve wanted to change everything about it, which meant that I would need to break my promise to my daughter. So I told her that I was saving the dress for my daughter. Eve smiled and said, “I knew you would say that.” Then she walked away. I thought it was settled, but I was wrong.
The next day I overheard her talking to my husband and what she said made my blood boil. She told him that I was playing favorites. That I didn’t love her like she was my own and that was why I was giving the dress to my daughter instead of her.
And he wasn’t the only one she told that story to. Apparently she has shared it with the entire family. When my daughter found out she tried to rectify the situation but none of them believe my reason for refusing to give her the dress.
Now the whole family, including my husband and his relatives, are angry with me. They’re calling me cold and say that this is the least I could’ve done for her. And in response, I did the worst thing I could possibly have done. I defended myself by saying that she should’ve asked her mom instead.
So Bright Side, what do I do now? I refuse to break my promise to my daughter. But I don’t want my entire family to think that I refused because of what she said.
Regards,
Tina A.
Just send out the same message to everyone. Explain that your daughter wants it as it is. While Eve wants to turn it into something else. You promised your daughter the dress the way it is. Since eve can't /won't keep it as is, is why you said no. You were thrilled she'd ask. Until finding out that she just wanted to save money while getting the dress she wanted.
If they choose not to believe you then you can decide if you want to keep them in your life.
Dear Tina,
Thank you for reaching out to us. We understand how difficult this situation must be, especially since it feels like everyone is forcing you to choose between your daughter and Eve.
The truth is, you’re not being cold, you’re being consistent. You made a promise to your daughter, and breaking it for anyone, even a beloved stepchild, would cause a wound in that relationship that might never heal.
The mistake wasn’t in saying no to Eve, it was in how the “why” got twisted and spread without your voice attached. At this point, the best thing you can do is reset the narrative.
Sit down with your husband first, and explain that your decision isn’t about favoritism. It’s about honoring a commitment that has been in place for years. Once he understands, ask him to stand beside you when you address the wider family.
Then, have a direct conversation with Eve, not to backtrack, but to acknowledge her feelings. Tell her that her asking was a compliment to you, and that you love her, but that the promise you made to your daughter was one you simply couldn’t break.
Frame it as you protecting trust, not choosing sides. Family may grumble for a while, but if you stand steady and consistent, eventually the noise will fade and what will remain is the fact that you didn’t betray your daughter for the sake of keeping the peace.
Tina’s situation is a difficult one, and the outcome will depend on those who chose to listen to what she has to say. But she isn’t the only one who is having problems with a stepchild.
Another one of our readers reached out to talk about their stepchild. Read the full story here: My Stepdaughter Refuses to See Me as Family, So I Gave Her a Reality Check.
