I Refuse to Pay My Unemployed Mother-In-Law to Babysit My Kids

Faced with the challenge of balancing childcare needs and familial expectations, a woman is deciding whether it’s appropriate—or even fair—to compensate her mother-in-law for babysitting services. This narrative explores the tension between duty, gratitude, and financial responsibility, highlighting the difficult choices that arise when personal values and family obligations collide.

She explained what happened.

My husband and I have 2 children (3F and 1M).

Until last month, I had a nanny who spent 6 hours a day with my kids while I worked from home. But she decided to stop for personal reasons, and it was unexpected.

My MIL and I don’t have a close relationship because she is the typical “momma bear” and it took a long time for her to respect our boundaries, we are currently on good terms.

The first week without a babysitter was a mess and my husband told his mother that we were suffering until we found a babysitter, and she said she could help since she was dismissed from the service. At the moment, we really needed help and we accepted.

It was hell, she didn’t understand the concept that me being at home working is not the same as being off work and even though we had several conversations, she would often ask for help or come and talk about random things or simply wouldn’t close the door and my children came in to talk, among several other interruptions. After a lot of complaining and talking, things got a little better, but it was still a huge amount of stress.

At the beginning of this week, she said that she could continue to care, but that she would need to receive a salary, as the bills needed to be paid, and she gave her “price” (the amount was a little below average, but nothing special) and I just felt overwhelmed.

I talked to my husband and said I didn’t want it, because despite it being cheaper, it’s very stressful, and she doesn’t know how to respect limits, so I would prefer a professional who knows how to respect and isn’t part of the family.

He complained, saying this would be a way to help his mother before she retires (in 3 years) and we could help the family and not someone strange. I said that I was the one who stayed at home with her and interrupted all the time, and he didn’t work at home to find out how much his mother disrupts his work routine by not respecting limits.

He still doesn’t agree with me, saying that we should give his mother a chance and that she has already shown herself capable of changing (with a looot difficulty and time) and that he didn’t want her to go through difficulties if we can help.

In the end, he relented, but we agreed to pay for the 2 weeks she worked, and we are looking to help out a little with her bills. But he’s upset with me for this joint decision, and his mother is criticizing me for not helping her and preferring a stranger. The new babysitter will come on Monday (all lucky, she’s a former babysitter of mine who was available).

People stood on her side.

• “This is not about family. It’s business. You are trying to fill an employment position. This behavior would be unacceptable from an employee you weren’t related to, and it’s not acceptable from your MIL. If an employee is not fit for a position, they don’t get hired. Period.
  Her presence is creating unnecessary stress and contention. It’s better for your relationship with her if you limit the exposure. Your partner needs to understand that. I realize his intentions are good, but THE ’road to hell’ and all that. If you’re not able to get your work done due to said employee, you will have less money to pay them. The relationship needs to be symbiotic.” consolelog_a11y / Reddit
• “It sounds like it is worked out now. But stop allowing your husband to treat you like a doormat. Of course, it doesn’t bother your husband, he isn’t home, and she is his mommy.” Unknown author / Reddit
• “The bottom line is you’ve explained repeatedly that you can’t be disturbed at home, BUT she continually does this. The fact that she is still criticizing you for ’not helping’ shows she does not appreciate/respect/understand (choose one/all) and shows that you won’t get any ’value’ from her help. Your husband may want to help his mom, but MIL has little interest in changing.” cats***kid / Reddit

• “Your reasons are completely valid, and I see his point as well, but the facts are, your MIL doesn’t respect agreed-upon boundaries, and that will wreak havoc on your family.” IamIrene / Reddit
• “My dad told me when I opened my own business, ’Never hire anyone you can’t fire.’ In the end, you need someone to watch your kids while you work. If you can’t work, why would you need someone else there? If she’s not going to do the job, then why would you pay her?” LostArtofConfusion / Reddit
• “I’m sorry that your husband isn’t being supportive. Your point is spot on — YOU work from home, and you need to have your expectations met. If HE was working from home and could handle the interruptions, good for him. But as it’s you, not him, YOU get to make this call.” Goalie_LAX_21093 / Reddit

While they recognize the importance of family support and the value of their mother-in-law’s help, they need to stand firm in their belief that financial compensation could blur the lines between genuine familial care and transactional relationships. Ultimately, the decision highlights the importance of clear boundaries and open communication in maintaining healthy family dynamics, even when the choices are challenging.