I Refuse to Sacrifice My Happiness to Save My Grandson

Family & kids
month ago

We all strive for our families’ well-being and happiness. However, there are times when we must prioritize our own needs. Betty, a 72-year-old widow, had been eagerly saving for a long-awaited trip. Her plans were upended when her grandson fell seriously ill, and her family requested the money she had set aside. Betty’s refusal to assist led to a dramatic conflict. She has now written to us seeking advice.

Here is Betty’s letter:

It says "the treatments" are expensive, so I'm going to assume that he will be fine but the parents will go into debt paying for his treatments, that comes with having kids. Blackmailing the grandmother with "you'll never see us again" is horrible. This lady has one foot in the grave and wants to spend some time with her sister before she can't and she never ask them to give her money for this trip, (I'm pretty sure she's done a lot for them to where that would even be a reasonable request) but now that they've run into some money problems they not only expect her to just hand it over, they threaten her with "withholding love"??? What is that? Go get a lone from the bank, and let grandmom go on a trip with her sister.

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Betty, thank you for sharing your story with us. We have some tips that we hope can be helpful to you.

Open a dialogue with your son.

Approach your son with a calm and open heart, seeking to understand his perspective. Explain your feelings and the importance of the trip to you, but also listen to his concerns about his son's health.

Acknowledge the emotional stress he is under and express your desire to find a compromise. Perhaps you can agree on contributing a smaller, more manageable amount to the treatment fund while still retaining enough for your cruise.

Seek mediation or counseling.

Go on that trip. Enjoy. Forget about them. They should have sent u for that trip a long time ago with their money. If U feel guilty ask them would they sacrifice their savings to cure u if u got sick? Kids r selfish & horrible. Never appreciate what u have sacrificed till now. Sweetie, enjoy 💋

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Consider involving a neutral third party, such as a family therapist or mediator, to help facilitate a constructive conversation between you and your son.

A professional can help both sides articulate their needs and feelings in a safe space, working towards a resolution that respects your desire for happiness and your family's need for financial support. This can help mend the strained relationship and find a middle ground.

Explore alternative funding options.

I've been on quite a few cruises, and I too am old. Unless the grandmother is taking an around the world trip, cruises are simply not that expensive and I can't believe that the money she is spending on that trip would make a discernible difference in her grandson's treatment. That would be a hard thing for me to decide, but my last cruise including airfare was somewhere around $3,500, and I wondered just what a difference this would make to a medical bill?

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Suggest exploring other financial options for your grandson's treatment. This could include setting up a crowdfunding campaign, reaching out to charitable organizations, or applying for medical grants.

By actively participating in finding these solutions, you show your commitment to your grandson's well-being without having to sacrifice your long-awaited trip.

Prioritize your own well-being.

I hear a lot of compassion in your life has fallen out with your family it seems. If my baby came to ask for my help, HELP! You never know what will become at the end of the day. Many a comment nastily, I am not bashing on you. If my choice was to help my baby and or grandbaby yet I chose to say no; I personally couldn't live with myself. Helping doesn't mean you must completely drain your bank account; could you not modify your vacation into something else that you could enjoy? I would hope you could consider the sacrifice to come ask in the first place, it probably wasn't easy for them either. Did you consider that they may need it for the treatment, you didn't say if it was to be a loan or gift.

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Reflect on the importance of your mental and emotional health. As a 72-year-old widow who has diligently saved for this dream trip, your happiness and well-being are also important. If you decide to prioritize your cruise, write a heartfelt letter to your son explaining your decision and your love for your grandson. Sometimes, maintaining your own well-being can provide the strength needed to support others in different ways.

Remember, your decision doesn't mean you love your family any less, but rather that you also value the years of effort you've invested in your dream.

Rebecca is another mother who chose to prioritize her own well-being. When her 16-year-old pregnant daughter announced she would need help raising the baby, Rebecca refused and even asked her not to keep the child or to leave the house. This decision led to a dramatic turn of events, and a distressed Rebecca wrote to us for advice.

Preview photo credit Teona Swift / Pexels

Comments

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Your grandson has a life threatening illness and you would rather go on a cruise ship than pay for the treatment that could save your grandson’s life? What an idiot.

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She shouldn't have had life of she doesn't know what family is. She deserves to be alone forever.

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(Instead of smirking perhaps the parents could explore other financing means and should have thought about insurance. Grandparents are not an automatic finance solution. The lady realises the holiday she has saved for could well be her last. And what about the son's wife's parents?

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I know that and I understand that but would you really want to go on a cruise rather than save ur grandsons life?

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month ago
The show is over. The comment is hidden.

Likely they have already sight financial loans, had insurance (you are required to at least if they're in the States) and have probably asked for the other parents help to. Fact is in this woman's mind cruise > grandsons life

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A lot of ppl do hv insurance but our system is so flawed most insurance doesn’t cover much. They may hv some but it’s clearly not enough for their kids illness. Also, medical debt is the number one cause of bankruptcy. Just an fyi

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She is practically killing her grandson. If that woman decides to go on that cruise and her grandson dies, she will immediately regret her immaturity and the rest of the family will hate her.

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Technically correct, she has the right to choose a week of alcohol and sun over the life of her grandchild, but that doesn't mean it isn't selfish.

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Why is she the idiot. Assuming the child has two parents, and that one or both have jobs, there should be enough insurance to help out. Or did the parents forgo insurance assuming that grandma would help out. This child is the parents' responsibility not grandma. Enjoy your cruise.

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month ago
You can't see a comment that isn't there.

Have you had a serious illness? Do you know how expensive hospital and treatment can be ? No,you just want to put your two cents in...

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month ago
There's no point in hiding the truth, but we'll try.
month ago
If comments are hidden, there's a reason for this.

This woman deserves this trip, a lot of people are calling this lady disgusting and rude names.
It doesn't matter if this in the U.S or Canada, the hospital and Dr's are not going to let a child die, they will help regardless of finances.
The elderly lady saved a long time for that trip and deserves to go on it and enjoy it as much as she can.
Just because you raise a child does not mean you are financially responsible for them when they become adults.
The family of the little guy needs to think of other ways of raising the money, what about his wife's side of the family, health insurance from work, fund raiser, something?
But in the mean time, I hope this elderly lady goes on her cruise with her sister and enjoys it as much as she can, it might be the only time she can do this.

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month ago
This comment was eaten by a raccoon.

Exactly my point, because she is 72, who has worked and saved hard; who knows what tomorrow is. Many may live into 80s, but can anyone guarantee that? It's time for well-earned 'self care', for own health and happiness, nothing wrong with that. You may deem me as selfish, but I couldn't care less...

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It's NO ONES BUSINESS! She should do what she wants. Everyone has decisions to make in life and No One should tell anyone how to decide.

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Guys I didn’t mean to start a huge argument pls everyone stop I was just sharing my opinion

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Truly sorry to hear about your grandson. But is there a reason why you're son and daughter in law didn't have a savings of there own and a health plan. We all need to go on a trip to unwind and have fun so you really shouldn't feel guilty about that. And He shouldn't hate you or disowned you for something he and his wife didn't prepare for themselves either. Prepare yourself not to give bank information so has to avoid disheartening conversations

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Anyone who would pick their happiness over the health of a child deserves every bit of social backlash they receive. Despicable.

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