I Refuse to Use My Concert Money to Help My Brother

Life is full of uncertainties. People may find themselves stuck in a dilemma where making the right choice seems difficult. A Bright Side reader shared his problem and is currently navigating what decision is best for his situation.

He wrote, “My dad recently demanded that I hand over all of my concert savings to help pay for my brother’s expensive medical treatment. I was surprised by his tone. He didn’t even approach me kindly. When I refused, he stormed out, calling me selfish. Then today, I got home and found my front door wide open. I rushed inside and froze when I saw my dad putting my stuff into boxes, acting like he had every right to do it.

I asked him what he was doing and that’s when he delivered the news. Because he technically owns the place (since he bought it years ago as an investment and let me stay here on low rent), he decided to evict me and rent it out to cover my brother’s medical bills.”

He added, “Just like that, without warning—no discussion, just a cold, matter-of-fact eviction. He told me that if I insisted on keeping my concert fund, I could do that, but I shouldn’t expect to return home. He called me selfish again for choosing ‘some concert’ over family.

But here’s the thing: it’s not just any concert, it’s the band my wife and I loved more than anything. We had promised each other that we would see them live one day, unfortunately, she passed away before we could. Saving up for this show was my way of holding on to a piece of her. Yeah, it’s expensive, ridiculously so, but for me, it’s also priceless.”

He continued, “Still, my brother’s situation is tragic. He’s suffering from a degenerative condition that needs specialized therapy to stop further damage and ease his constant pain. It’s not exactly life or death, but if he doesn’t get the treatment soon, his quality of life is going to be badly affected and will go downhill fast. I get why our dad is desperate. But it doesn’t make his actions any easier to swallow.

I tried to explain to my dad this concert wasn’t just ‘some concert’, it’s something deeply personal and important, and that we could find other ways to cover my brother’s medical bills, but he wasn’t listening to any of it.”

He also stated, “At the moment, I’m crashing at a friend’s house, trying to figure out whether I should still go to this concert or use the money to find a new place. If I skip the show, I’ll always feel like I have broken my promise to my wife. But if I go, I’ll have almost nothing left to get on my feet again. I can’t help feeling both hurt and confused. Part of me feels guilty for not putting my brother first, but another part is furious at being tossed out like I don’t matter.

So here I am, torn between family obligations and my late wife’s last wish. I’m not sure if I’m being selfish or if my dad crossed a line. All I know is I’ve got nowhere to go, and I can’t shake the feeling that no matter what I decide, I’ll be left wondering if I made the right choice.”

A piece of advice from Bright Side

You’re in a very painful and unfair situation, so it seems understandable that you’re feeling conflicted. Your dismay at being suddenly evicted and dismissed as selfish is just as valid as your dad’s distress over your brother’s treatment. The reality is that both you and your dad are dealing with the situation in different ways. He’s trying to help one son, but in the process, he’s disregarding the other.

At the moment, based on your situation, your biggest priority should be stability. You have to prioritize your needs over your wants. In Abraham Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, physiological needs (which include shelter) are considered the most important because the human body cannot function well if this need is not met. You need a roof over your head. It may be wise to allocate funds toward finding a stable place to live first. And as much as it hurts, that may mean rethinking the concert.

It doesn’t mean you’re breaking your promise to your wife; it just means you’re making sure you’re in a position to honor her memory without putting your well-being at risk.
That said, if there’s a way to balance both—perhaps by finding a cheaper living arrangement while still setting aside some of your savings for a future concert experience—it could help ease the weight of this decision.

Here’s a guide originally meant for saving for a house, but it can be applied to your current situation:

• Research housing options. It’s critical to evaluate your needs and current market prices.
• Based on the size and location of the home that best suits your needs, establish a specific savings target.
• Assess your financial status, taking into consideration your income, expenses, credit score, and the worth of any investments or funds in savings accounts.
• Create an automated savings plan and focus on reducing spending until your target is reached.

As for your father and brother, you might consider reiterating the need to explore other financial aid options for medical expenses. Hospitals and charities often have assistance programs, and crowdfunding platforms have helped many families in similar situations. A financial advisor or social worker may be able to guide your family through alternatives that don’t involve sacrificing your well-being.

Focusing on yourself doesn’t equate to selfishness. It is still possible to support your family while also ensuring that you’re not left with nothing. Making the best decision for your future requires a well-rounded strategy that takes into account both your emotional and practical needs.

Speaking of concerts, check this article for wholesome experiences at music concerts.