We recently received a letter from one of our readers who found herself in a situation many can relate to — torn between kindness and boundaries. After years of helping her husband’s son financially, she decided to say “no” for the first time. But that one word didn’t just cause an argument — it changed the way her whole family saw her.
Hi Bright Side!
I’ve been married to my husband for eight years. He has a son from his first marriage, who’s now 19. I’ve helped with everything — clothes, trips, his first car, even part of his summer courses. But when my husband said I’d “of course” help pay for his college tuition, like it was my obligation, something in me snapped.
I told him I’m not an ATM. He called me selfish. His ex said I was “ruining the boy’s chances at a future. Don’t expect to be a part of our family.”
But here’s what no one talks about — it’s not about the money. It’s about always being expected, never asked. About the way people start to treat your generosity like a duty.
Now my husband barely speaks to me. My stepson hasn’t called in weeks. The house feels quieter — heavier, somehow. Maybe I could’ve handled it differently, but for once, I chose to draw the line.
And honestly? I’m not even sure if that makes me cruel... or finally free.
What do you think? Am I wrong?
Best regards,
Sandra
Ask your husband and his ex why they hadn't been saving for their child's education. You already did more than many stepparents do. The 3 of them need to figure out how to pay for his college. It's not your job.
You aren't destroying his education or life. His parents did when they chose to have a child and not do anything to set him up for college.
"Honey, I'd like to know what the plan was if you hadn't married me? After all I've already done for your son? Please, tell me."
The idea of a “traditional” family — mom, dad, and two kids — has evolved. Today, blended families are more common than ever, and with them come new questions about financial responsibility.
In many families, one partner often ends up supporting not only their own children but also their stepchildren. But what happens when the relationship ends? Are stepparents still expected to provide financial support?
Legally, biological parents have the primary duty to support their children. A stepparent is usually not required to pay maintenance. However, the answer isn’t always so simple.
In certain cases, even a court can order a stepparent to contribute financially if it believes it’s appropriate. When making such a decision, the court considers factors like:
If a court does impose financial responsibility, there’s no fixed formula for how much a stepparent must pay. The amount depends on several things, including:
In essence, a stepparent’s obligation is secondary, but it can still become significant under certain conditions — especially when they’ve played a major role in the child’s upbringing.
If your relationship has ended, and you’ve been the main provider for your stepchild, you don’t have to navigate this uncertainty alone. It’s important to understand your rights, your limits, and your options — before emotions or assumptions decide for you.
Love can make you a parent, but it shouldn’t make you a victim. Knowing where your duty ends — and where your heart begins — can save everyone from more pain.
12 Stepparents Who Prove Real Family Isn’t About Flesh and Blood
