I Refused to Lie to My Son About His Mom’s Affair, She Wasn’t Ready for the Fallout

Sometimes the past has a way of catching up, even years later. One man thought he had weathered the storm after a painful breakup, a custody battle, and years of distant co-parenting. But when an unexpected truth reached his 11-year-old son, the ripple effect changed everything, from the child’s relationship with his mother to the way both parents had to confront long-buried wounds.

A man shared his story on Reddit:

My wife cheated while pregnant and left me for another guy. She even tried to put him on the birth certificate, which brought on DNA testing and a 3-year-long custody battle where she and her now-husband did everything to try and take my son from me.

Because of the cheating, the attempts to prevent me from being in my son’s life, and many lies told about me, there is no civil or co-parenting relationship between us. We always sit apart when we’re at the same event for our son. We communicate only through an app assigned by the courts. We have third parties handle custody exchanges.

That’s just the way it has to be. Two months ago, my ex’s mother, with whom she has a rocky relationship, told our son the truth. He broke down, so I told him everything.

He’s pulled totally back from them, too. My ex mentioned this via the app, and I spoke to our son when he came home with me. We share 50-50 physical custody, so I get a week, and she gets a week, and we rotate it that way.

Anyway, I talked to my son, and he told me that his mom and stepdad always act like his stepdad is better than me, and they’d get annoyed that he only called me “dad” and his stepdad by his first name. And finding out they had cheated made it so much worse, and it made him really mad.

He said he never liked his stepdad, which I already had some awareness of, and he wished he’d go away now. He was upset his mom would do that and then say the stuff she does about him being a good dad to him and stuff.

I told him I didn’t want him to dislike or hate anyone because of me, but I wouldn’t force him to like or love someone either. I asked how he’d feel about talking to someone to help him with this, and he said he’d be okay with that. So I got him signed up for therapy (he hasn’t started yet).

My ex quizzed our son the next time he was at her house, and she got mad at me for not lying to our son and denying the cheating. She told me it wasn’t fair to use it against her when I never told him. Her mom did. Then she suddenly showed up at my door. She told me a good father would have put our son’s best interest before his own hurt.

Redditors were quick to share their opinions:

• You ARE putting your son’s best interest first, by getting him a therapist that will help him deal with all the stuff SHE (not you) put him through. © N***nessFresh24 / Reddit
• Lying to his son wouldn’t have been better for him than acknowledging what happened and offering professional support if he wants it. Not to mention, OP risks ruining his own relationship with his son if he joins the ranks of those who lie to him. © HoldFastO2 / Reddit
• So his mum is upset cos you refuse to join her and his stepdad in lying to him? Accountability is tough. By doing so, you’re not putting your son first, is laughable. I’d say giving him at least one parent he feels he can trust is pretty important. © ContemplativeCritter / Reddit
• I think you handled the situation with admirable restraint. Your ex sounds like a real peach. None of her accusations match up with your actions. You didn’t tell your kid anything, you just didn’t lie to him to cover your ex, and you don’t owe her that!
  And you are getting him some help to deal with processing his feelings about the information he was given, and about how she and his bad stepdad treat him.
  My therapist gave me some advice that might help reassure you that you did the right thing: she said that I shouldn’t villainize my ex, but I don’t have to “hero-ize” him either. Meaning, I’m not obliged to lie or make excuses for him to the kids. © PomBergMama / Reddit

Have you ever been in a relationship that made you feel like love wasn’t enough? The truth is that to make a relationship work, it takes so much more than loving the other person. Many couples find this the hard way.