Graduations are major life milestones, marking years of hard work with pride, family photos, and celebration. But for some graduates, family conflict and painful history can make the day emotionally complicated instead of joyful. One reader recently shared her story, explaining why she chose not to invite her parents to her graduation.
Dear Bright Side,
My parents never spent money on my education. I always worked since I was 15. Summer jobs, part-time positions, night shifts in college...
I always blamed them, and mom would reply, “We did our best!” But they had money to spend on their vacations every summer. I never forgave them.
I relied on myself and worked very hard. Today, I graduated from med school.
They attended the ceremony, but I made them leave.
I told them there is no place for them, because I had given their seats to Mr. Ellis and his wife.
Mr. Ellis was the real support in my life. He gave me my first job at the resort, and he always had my back and guided me through my professional life.
Mom just smiled and left.
But later in the evening, everything changed... My mother called, asked me to drop by.
I went numb when she handed me her medical test results: she’d been diagnosed with a serious illness a month earlier. They kept it from me so I wouldn’t lose focus on my studies.
Crying, she told me I’d robbed her of what might have been her last chance to see me succeed, to watch me cross the stage and receive my diploma.
Now I’m struggling. What should’ve been pure joy feels buried under guilt.
Did I go too far by cutting them out?
Does that make me a terrible person?
— Larissa
Sometimes parents can't afford college for there kids. You were being an entitled brat. Your boss paid you to work. Your parents gave you life and a place to live and love. I can't afford my daughters college and once a year I get a small vacation.
if you don't have compassion and empathy toward your parents, what kind of a doctor will you be toward your patients? unsympathetic? hard-nosed and hard-hearted? you better dig out your compassion gene really quick before you do damage to patient who needs sympathy and empathy....
Yes you did. You apparently now realize just how ungrateful you were for the life lessons they taught you in addition to the housing, food and protection they provided--- that is why you feel guilty--- you should.
you did nothing wrong. Don't let her make you feel guilty about this. She could have paid attention to you way before she got her "news". Sounds like you gave the right people the seats.
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Larissa, thank you for trusting us with something so personal and painful. It takes real courage to share a story this emotional and layered, and your honesty truly comes through in every word.
We’re here to offer guidance and support as you navigate what comes next.
Larissa, rather than treating the missed ceremony as the end of the story, you could plan a second, private celebration just for your parents.
Show them your diploma, watch the ceremony video together, and recreate the moment in a quieter, more personal setting so your mother can fully share it with you.
It won’t undo your original choice, but it can still give your mom a real sense of being part of that milestone.
You’ve been holding onto resentment about the fact that they took vacations while you were working. If you feel willing, you could ask your mother how she remembers that period, what she believed you were getting out of those years, and why she thought it made sense to travel at the time.
Hearing her side won’t change what happened, but it might reshape how you interpret it and help you decide how much of that anger you still want to carry.
Instead of letting your parents view Mr. Ellis as a replacement, you could present him as one important part of your wider support network.
If you introduced him to your parents, or simply explained how grateful you are to both your family and your mentors, it could soften the tension and shift how they interpret his role. That way, you acknowledge what he gave you without making your parents feel excluded.
Your mother is still trying to control you, she only told you that story to give you a guilt trip. She could have told you earlier about the sickness. But waited until she could use it against you.. Love her, but don't let her guilt you. And keep your eyes open..
Because your mother worries she may not live to witness more milestones, you could create something that keeps her presence woven into your future.
That would shift the missed graduation from a source of regret into a continuing, forward-looking connection—one she can still feel included in.
One of our readers, Alicia, recently reached out to share a painful dilemma: she sold her stepdaughter’s dog to cover the cost of her own daughter’s braces. You can read her full story here.
Just because your mother is now dying doesn't excuse the years or bad parental behavior from her. You don't owe her anything. Maybe it is punishment from God on what she did to you throughout your life?
