I Refused to Let a Family Tragedy Ruin My Christmas

Relationships and divorces can be tricky, especially when they involve children. Things can get even messier when the children come from previous relationships and are not connected to one of the people in a couple.
Dear Bright Side,
My ex-wife and I separated about five years ago. She had a son from a previous relationship, and it was because of him that we ended up getting a divorce. He wasn’t a bad kid, he just wasn’t ready for his mom to be with someone else, and he made our lives hell.
When my ex’s family called a few days ago, I was stunned. I hadn’t spoken to them since the divorce, and had no idea what they would want from me now. I wasn’t prepared for the news they were about to deliver.
“She’s incredibly sick, and she’s asking for you to help with her son,” her mother said when I eventually answered the phone. I was shocked to my core. Not by the news that she was ill, but rather by the request she made.
I didn’t owe her anything, and I hadn’t spoken to her in years. Not to mention that she was well aware of the reason our marriage ended. Now she wants me to take care of the boy who wanted nothing more that to get rid of me?
Then, her brother said, “If you walk away now, you’ll be a monster. She’s counting on you.” His words were sharp, and I knew that he said it because he didn’t have another choice. The child was too young to go off on his own, and from the sound of it he was already causing problems where he was.
They were putting a lot of pressure on me, and I wasn’t ready for it. But they weren’t asking either, they were demanding that I take him by trying to guilt-trip me and making me feel like I was a failure for not stepping up when she needed me to.
My answer was a firm no. They tried to argue and get me to see their way, but nothing they could’ve said would’ve changed my mind. They had a chance and they threw it away. No amount of guilt would get me to see things differently now.
But over the last few days, I’ve been wondering if I made the right choice. I know he’s not my responsibility, he never has been, but he’s just a child and I don’t know who will look after him if I continue to refuse.
Thank you for reaching out to us. Situations like these are always tough because there are a lot of conflicting emotions involved. So we’ve put together some tips that might be useful to you.
The best thing you can start with is to contact the child’s biological father. Unless a court has decided otherwise, he has the parental rights needed to take custody of the child and to help him during this time of need. If the father is no longer in the picture, try to find out who the child’s legal guardian is or potentially could be.
When you first gave your answer to the family, you had reasons for it. Don’t let your guilty
conscience, change your mind. Whether your answer was based on your own selfish interests or the knowledge you gained while living with the child, you made the right choice at the moment. Second-guessing it and listening to people who are trying to guilt you into things just, makes situations like these worse.
Sometimes having an open and honest conversations with someone can do wonders. Meet with your ex in private. Tell her why you feel the way you do, and ask her if she has any other backup plans.
When things get said through other people, they might come across wrong, or they might add some things that weren’t originally part of the message. At the end of the day this child is your ex-wife’s responsibility so it’s better to talk to her directly.
If you no longer have a reason to deal with your ex-wife and her parents, the best thing might be to cut them off completely. That way, you’ll have peace of mind in knowing that things like this won’t happen again. And they will know that you’re not the person to contact if they want or need something.
When getting divorced, there are so many things that need to be taken into consideration. But it’s important to remember that you’re not only divorcing your partner, you’re also divorcing their family.