I Secretly Changed the All-Vegan Menu at My Son’s Wedding, Now Everybody Is Furious With Me

A wedding day is meant to be a joyful celebration, carefully crafted to reflect the couple’s values and preferences. But for Linda, her daughter-in-law’s choice to serve an entirely vegan menu felt exclusionary—especially considering Linda’s family are passionate meat-eaters. Believing the decision to be one-sided, Linda took it upon herself to secretly arrange for meat dishes to be served at the reception—without informing the bride. The move has since sparked serious conflict within the family, and Linda has reached out to us, seeking guidance on how to navigate the fallout.

Here is Linda’s letter:

Our children’s wedding days are supposed to be joyful and inclusive, a reflection of both families coming together. But when my son and my DIL announced they’d be having a strict vegan menu at the wedding, I was shocked.

My family is full of meat lovers, and to us, a celebration without some signature chicken curry or lamb kebabs just doesn’t feel complete. It’s inconsiderate that she didn’t ask us about such a major decision.

So, I made a choice. I secretly hired another caterer to set up a separate buffet table with meat-based options. Nothing extravagant—just enough so our guests could enjoy the evening too. I didn’t think it would be such a big deal.

But when the reception began and my daughter-in-law noticed the meat table, she turned red immediately. I saw her whisper something to my son, and for the rest of the night, the atmosphere was tense.

Later, my son came to me crying. He hugged me and said, “Mom, please don’t let this be what we remember about today. She’s really upset. Could you just say sorry to make peace?”

But I was stunned. Apologize? For making sure our side of the family had something to eat and enjoy? I told him that if his wife chooses not to eat meat, that’s her right—but it doesn’t mean the rest of us should be forced into it.

Now, nearly three weeks have passed, and things are still uncomfortable between me and my daughter-in-law. I love my son and want a good relationship with them both, but I still don’t feel like I did anything wrong.

Am I really the one at fault here?

— Linda

Linda, thank you for sharing your story. We have prepared a few tips we believe can help you navigate this situation.

Seek understanding and compromise.

Initiate a calm and empathetic conversation with your daughter-in-law. Acknowledge her perspective on veganism and express regret for the misunderstanding and disruption caused by the additional catering.

Propose finding a middle ground for future family gatherings where both vegan and non-vegan options can coexist, ensuring everyone feels respected and included.

Apologize and make amends.

Despite your initial resistance, consider apologizing sincerely to your daughter-in-law for going against her wishes. Express regret for not respecting her choice and causing distress on a day that meant a lot to her.

Offer to make amends by hosting a family dinner or event where she can plan the menu according to her preferences, demonstrating your willingness to support her decisions and reconcile the relationship.

Family mediation and resolution.

If tensions persist, suggest involving a neutral third party, like a family therapist or mediator, to facilitate a constructive dialogue between you, your son, and your daughter-in-law.

This can provide a structured environment to address underlying issues, clarify misunderstandings, and work towards rebuilding trust and harmony within the family unit.

Set boundaries and respect differences.

Establish clear boundaries for future family events regarding dietary preferences and other sensitive matters. Encourage open communication and mutual respect among family members to prevent similar conflicts.

Emphasize the importance of honoring individual choices while fostering a supportive and inclusive environment for everyone involved in family gatherings.

Leah’s wedding also turned sour when the young bride insisted on proceeding with her big day despite a recent tragic family event. Read Leah’s poignant story here.