I Secretly Changed the All-Vegan Menu at My Son’s Wedding, Now Everybody Is Furious With Me

A wedding day is meant to be a joyful celebration, carefully crafted to reflect the couple’s values and preferences. But for Linda, her daughter-in-law’s choice to serve an entirely vegan menu felt exclusionary—especially considering Linda’s family are passionate meat-eaters. Believing the decision to be one-sided, Linda took it upon herself to secretly arrange for meat dishes to be served at the reception—without informing the bride. The move has since sparked serious conflict within the family, and Linda has reached out to us, seeking guidance on how to navigate the fallout.

Here is Linda’s letter:

Our children’s wedding days are supposed to be joyful and inclusive, a reflection of both families coming together. But when my son and my DIL announced they’d be having a strict vegan menu at the wedding, I was shocked.

My family is full of meat lovers, and to us, a celebration without some signature chicken curry or lamb kebabs just doesn’t feel complete. It’s inconsiderate that she didn’t ask us about such a major decision.

So, I made a choice. I secretly hired another caterer to set up a separate buffet table with meat-based options. Nothing extravagant—just enough so our guests could enjoy the evening too. I didn’t think it would be such a big deal.

But when the reception began and my daughter-in-law noticed the meat table, she turned red immediately. I saw her whisper something to my son, and for the rest of the night, the atmosphere was tense.

Later, my son came to me crying. He hugged me and said, “Mom, please don’t let this be what we remember about today. She’s really upset. Could you just say sorry to make peace?”

But I was stunned. Apologize? For making sure our side of the family had something to eat and enjoy? I told him that if his wife chooses not to eat meat, that’s her right—but it doesn’t mean the rest of us should be forced into it.

Now, nearly three weeks have passed, and things are still uncomfortable between me and my daughter-in-law. I love my son and want a good relationship with them both, but I still don’t feel like I did anything wrong.

Am I really the one at fault here?

— Linda

Linda, thank you for sharing your story. We have prepared a few tips we believe can help you navigate this situation.

Seek understanding.

Begin a thoughtful and compassionate conversation with your daughter-in-law. Show that you understand and respect her views on veganism, and convey sincere regret for any confusion or disruption caused by the extra catering arrangements. Suggest working together to create a compromise for future family events—one that includes both vegan and non-vegan dishes—so that everyone feels acknowledged, respected, and included.

Apologize sincerely and make amends.

Even if you were initially hesitant, take the step to offer a genuine apology to your daughter-in-law for disregarding her wishes. Acknowledge the hurt caused by not honoring her choices, especially on a day that held significant meaning for her.

Show your intention to make things right by suggesting a family gathering or dinner where she can take the lead in planning the menu. This gesture can reflect your support for her lifestyle and your desire to rebuild trust and strengthen your relationship.

Consult a family therapist.

If tensions continue, consider recommending the involvement of a neutral third party, such as a family therapist or mediator, to help guide a productive conversation between you, your son, and your daughter-in-law.

This can offer a supportive and structured setting to explore deeper concerns, clear up any lingering misunderstandings, and take meaningful steps toward restoring trust and fostering a more harmonious family dynamic.

Set healthy boundaries.

Set clear and respectful boundaries for future family gatherings, particularly around dietary preferences and other sensitive topics. Promote honest communication and a culture of mutual respect within the family to help avoid similar misunderstandings.

Highlight the value of recognizing and honoring each person’s individual choices, while creating a welcoming and inclusive atmosphere for all who attend.

Have you witnessed or experienced a wild wedding objection?Check out these 11 people sharing the wildest wedding stories.