I Uninvited My Daughter-In-Law From Our Family Vacation

Every family has its friction, but there are times when the discomfort builds to the point where it explodes. Norah, a 55-year-old reader, wrote to tell us her story: tired of her daughter-in-law’s hurtful comments and attitude, she made a decision that divided the whole family. Was it selfish? Was it brave? We invite you to read her full story and draw your own conclusions.

Norah decided to open her heart and share her story with Bright Side.

Norah’s email read as follows:

Hello, Bright Side.

My name is Norah, I’m 55 years old, and what I’m about to tell you doesn’t make me proud... but it doesn’t make me ashamed either. It’s something I’ve been carrying around for a long time, and it got to the point where I just couldn’t take it anymore. I don’t know if I did right or wrong, but I don’t feel any kind of regret. That’s why I need someone to listen to me and tell me honestly: did I go too far?

To give you some context, every year, my husband and I organize a family trip to the mountains. It is our tradition. I take care of everything: renting the house, planning meals, finding activities for the grandchildren. I always did it with pleasure, because for me family is everything. Of course, it wasn’t always easy. Especially since my daughter-in-law, Clara, is in our lives.

Ever since she joined the family, every encounter with my DIL was a constant tension. Never a kind word. Everything I said or did upset her. If I organized a walk, she complained. If I cooked something, she didn’t like it. If I talked to her, she made a face of annoyance. And although she would hide it a little in front of the others, when we were alone, she made no effort. For a long time I tried to ignore her as much as possible for the sake of my son and our family. But it all came to a catastrophic point during the holidays. A point of no return.

This year we decided to swap the mountains for the beach. We wanted a quieter place, without so many ups and downs, more comfortable for us who are no longer in our twenties. When we told everyone, they seemed excited. Even my DIL said: “How nice!”

But it was just an act.

That same night, while we were setting the table, she came up to me with a sarcastic smile; and offended me and said in a low voice something that took the air out of my chest: —You always organize these trips because you want to control everything and make us do what you want.

At first I thought I had misheard. Then I thought it was a joke. But when I looked up and saw the defiant way she looked at me, I froze. Was that what she thought of me? That I was a manipulative witch instead of a mother and grandmother who gave everything she had to keep her family together? It hurt. It hurt like nothing had hurt in a long time. Because I never mistreated her. I never excluded her from anything. And yet she treated me as if everything I did had an ulterior motive.

That was the last straw. I just couldn’t take it anymore. I stood up in my seat, looked at her and shouted at her in front of the whole family everything I felt and what I had kept inside for too long: —Ungrateful! From the moment you set foot here, I have done nothing but treat you well, be close to you, be there for whatever you need, even invite you on this vacation! And this is how you repay me? Well, you know what, if it bothers you so much, don’t go! I don’t want you to go.

Of course, everyone was speechless. I’m a pretty quiet person, so my sudden reaction to seemingly nothing (because they hadn’t heard what Clara had told me) took them by surprise. And then, of course, came the victimization. She burst into tears as she said that she didn’t understand what had happened, that I had just yelled at her out of the blue that I didn’t want her to go on vacation and that she didn’t deserve to be treated like that.

I tried to explain what had happened, but everyone looked at me strangely. My son, of course, believed her. He looked at me with flames in his eyes and said, —You better apologize.

But I didn’t. I had already made up my mind, and I wasn’t going to take it back. I stood my ground.

My husband hugged me and told me that he believed me, that he knew Clara was a complicated girl, but that he felt I had been too hard on her and that maybe it would be best if I took her back. But I didn’t listen to him. I had never been so sure of anything in my life. And I didn’t do it as a punishment, but as a limit. Because I could no longer expose myself to being humiliated in my own home, in my own memories.

The beach was a dream, at least for me. My son decided to side with his wife and did not make the trip, nor did the grandchildren. And my husband, although he went with me, was a little disappointed that my outburst had “ruined” our family trip. I just had a good time and rested. For the first time in a long time, I felt empowered, free.

But now Clara is angry. She says I excluded her. That I’m an overbearing old woman, that I made her feel like trash in front of her children and family. That she’ll never forgive me. And my son supports her. They doesn’t speak to me anymore, and they hardly lets me see my grandchildren.

And here I am. With a divided heart. Because one part of me feels guilty. But another part that’s just starting to wake up is telling me, “Norah, don’t punish yourself anymore for wanting peace.” I have faith that my son will come to his senses and that my DIL will understand that what she did was wrong, that I deserve some respect for the simple fact of being her MIL. But that outcome feels farther and farther away.

So I ask you, Bright Side and readers: Was I cruel to leave her out? Or am I just tired of being nice to someone who has never been nice to me?

Thanks for reading.

Norah."

Thank you so much for contacting us, Norah. We really appreciate that you dared to share your story with such honesty. Your situation is complex, but we are going to try to help you with some tips that might give you a little light in the middle of it all:

• Your feelings matter. If you feel hurt, belittled, or uncomfortable in your own family space, that’s no small thing. Validating your feelings is the first step to making clear choices.
• There is no obligation to please everyone. You are part of the family, not someone else’s emotional employee. You have the right to set boundaries, to say “enough,” and to prioritize your well-being without guilt.
• Avoid reacting out of anger. Clara’s hurtful words hurt, but they don’t have to define you. You can choose not to respond in kind. Not for her sake, but for your own.
• Talk to your son if you feel you can. Not to justify yourself, but to talk about what is happening to you. He is part of this dynamic, too, and making him aware of it could help heal bonds. If you feel the need, ask for forgiveness. There’s nothing wrong with that, and it can take a huge weight off your shoulders if you ever feel guilty.
• Don’t lock yourself into this decision. You needed to take a step back today. That’s okay. But leave a window open in case the situation changes someday. Taking care of yourself is not about shutting yourself off forever, it is about choosing when and how you want to be.

Norah drew a line in the sand, and it caused conflict. But it also made her feel at peace for the first time in years. Now it’s your turn, what do you think? Was she right to exclude her DIL? Do you understand her, or do you think she went too far? What advice would you give her? Let us know in the comments below. And if you like these real-life stories that make us think about our own family decisions, check out this other case.