I Was Humiliated by My MIL, but Karma Had Other Plans

We recently received an intriguing story from one of our readers that shines a light on family dynamics, and the unpredictable twists of life. In her candid account, she shares the painful experience of being humiliated by her mother-in-law at an engagement party.

A few months ago, her mother-in-law hosted an engagement party for her and Jake, her soon-to-be husband. Coming from a humble background, she had grown used to the subtle digs her mother-in-law made about her upbringing. But that night, those jabs took a more public and humiliating turn.

Then, just as the humiliation reached its peak, something unexpected happened. Her mother-in-law’s phone rang. As she took the call, her entire demeanor shifted.

Here are 12 signs of a toxic mother-in-law.

1. She Doesn’t Respect Boundaries
   A toxic mother-in-law ignores your boundaries, shows up uninvited, keeps secrets with your spouse, and criticizes your parenting. This can disrupt your marriage and cause tension.
2. She Thinks She’s Always Right
   She always has opinions on how to raise kids, run your house, and even on your relationship. She may try to cause conflict between you and your spouse, making you feel inadequate.
3. She’s a Master Manipulator
   At first, she may seem friendly, but later she uses guilt, fear, or obligations to manipulate you. She may use the silent treatment or do favors with hidden expectations.
4. She’s Emotionally Humiliating
   She controls through non-physical means like fear or isolation, gradually lowering your self-esteem with manipulative or disrespectful behavior.
5. She’s Passive-Aggressive
   She doesn’t express her feelings openly but shows them through actions like being late, sarcastic, or offering backhanded compliments.
6. She’s a One-Upper
   She always tries to outdo you, turning everything into a competition to make herself feel better and overshadow your achievements.
7. She’s a Gossip
   She spreads rumors about you to others, even within the family, in an attempt to manipulate and control the situation.
8. She’s Impossible to Please
   No matter what you do, she always finds something to criticize, from how you organize your home to how you handle the holidays.
9. She Helps Without Being Asked
   She “helps” without being asked, but it’s usually to prove that only she can do things right, not out of genuine care.
10. She’s a Narcissist
    She seeks constant admiration, lacks empathy, and believes she’s superior. Changing her behavior is unlikely.
11. She Causes You to Doubt Yourself
    She subtly makes you question your decisions, undermining your confidence and making you feel powerless over time.
12. She Ignores You
    She often pretends you don’t exist, speaking only to your spouse and blaming you when confronted about her behavior.

How to deal with a toxic MIL.

1. Communicate Openly
   Talk honestly with your partner, especially about family issues. Set clear boundaries with your partner about what behavior is acceptable from your mother-in-law. This may take time and patience.
2. Set Realistic Expectations
   Accept that your mother-in-law is unlikely to change. Focus on adjusting your mindset and try to understand her actions with compassion.
3. Practice Self-Care
   Dealing with a toxic mother-in-law can be stressful. Use self-care methods like journaling, meditation, and mindfulness to manage negative emotions.
4. Don’t Fall for the Victim Card
   Avoid getting drawn into her victim mentality. Set boundaries and communicate clearly, without feeling guilty.
5. Don’t Take It Personally
   Recognize her behavior likely stems from past experiences, not you. Adjust your expectations accordingly.
6. Practice Self-Compassion
   Remind yourself that you’re not alone. Be kind to yourself, just as you would with a friend.
7. Set Boundaries
   Work with your partner to establish boundaries with your mother-in-law, like avoiding accepting gifts with strings attached, refusing to keep secrets, and addressing passive-aggressive behavior.

Here you can find more tips about family members and how to deal with them.