I’m Eating a Burger Next to My Vegan DIL—She Keeps Complaining About It

Family gatherings often bring together different personalities, opinions, and—let’s be honest—sometimes a little bit of drama. When I decided to order my favorite fast food meal at our family dinner, I didn’t expect it to spark tension. After all, it’s just a burger, right? Little did I know, my meal would turn into a full-blown conflict between me and my vegan daughter-in-law.

Hi, Bright Side and Bright Side readers! I am Sheila, and I would be grateful if you helped me figure out if I was wrong in this awkward situation I found myself in. It had been a while since all our family got together so we all decided to have a nice dinner at the time and place that was suitable for everyone, namely my husband, me, our son Sam, his wife Mia, and our granddaughter Grace.

The place was casual, with a cozy atmosphere and a varied menu to please all kinds of eaters. I was looking forward to a great meal, and after scanning the menu, I ordered what I’d been craving for days: a classic American burger with crispy fries at our family dinner. I felt my vegan daughter-in-law roll her eyes, but I ignored it.

Mia, my DIL, is a dedicated vegan, and while I’ve always respected her choices, I also enjoy my own food preferences. We’ve had a few tense moments in the past over our different eating habits, but nothing too serious. However, I didn’t expect this dinner to take such a dramatic turn.

The family dinner turned awkward.

The moment my burger and fries arrived at the table, Mia’s face scrunched up. I thought it was just a casual reaction at first, but then she said, “That’s so much meat. It’s gross.” I brushed it off with a light laugh. "I’m just enjoying my meal, Mia. You’ve got your vegan dish, I’ve got my burger. No harm, right?"

She complained that the smell was foul and making her sick. She didn’t let it go, "It’s just hard for me to sit here with that burger in front of me. You know how bad it is for the environment, right?" I didn't want to start a fight, so I ignored it and tried my best to focus on my meal.

The tension grew worse.

The other family members seemed uncomfortable, glancing from Mia to me, unsure whether they should get involved. But when I took a bite of my burger, she loudly threatened me that she won't let me near my granddaughter. She looked at my son, saying, "Your mother is such a bad influence on our daughter. Yet, you say nothing and make me out to be the bad guy."

I was stunned. She accused me of being a bad person just because of my food choices. I had always respected her veganism, making sure there were plenty of plant-based options when we dined together, but this was a whole new level. I felt humiliated and frustrated. It was supposed to be a peaceful family dinner, and now it felt like we were on opposing sides of an unbridgeable gap.

It hurt much worse that my son, even after listening to her shame me all evening, said nothing. Instead, he asked me if I could consider choosing vegetarian options while dining with them. I got up and left immediately.

The aftermath.

My son called me the next day and apologized on behalf of my vegan daughter-in-law. He said that she didn't call me herself because she had to leave on a business trip. He also asked me if I could come over and babysit Grace for a couple of hours as he had to deal with an important chore.

I told him I would think about it, but honestly, I feel like I'm being taken for granted. I deserve respect, and this isn't it. I want to turn him down and demand an apology from my DIL. Will that be too much?

Hi Sheila! Thank you for sharing your story and thoughts with us. Everybody deserves to be treated with love and respect, and it seems you don't get the same consideration you show others. Here are some suggestions on how you may handle this situation ahead.

Reflect on Your Emotions: It’s clear that you were hurt by Mia’s comments, as well as by your son’s lack of support. Before deciding on your next steps, give yourself time to reflect on the situation and how it made you feel. Your emotions are valid, and it’s important to acknowledge them before moving forward.

Set Boundaries for Respectful Communication: While your DIL's vegan lifestyle is something she holds dear, she must respect your choices as well. You don’t have to change your habits just to please others. Setting boundaries around how people speak to you at family gatherings is necessary. If Mia continues to express her discomfort offensively, you can kindly but firmly let her know that comments like these are unacceptable, and they harm the atmosphere of the family.

Talk to Your Son Directly: While your son apologized on behalf of Mia, it’s important that you communicate your feelings to him directly. Let him know how her actions made you feel and that you felt unsupported by him during the dinner. It’s understandable if he didn't know how to handle the situation, but you deserve to be treated with respect and support.

Ask for an Apology: Your son apologized on behalf of Mia, but the lack of an apology from her might leave things unresolved. You have every right to expect an apology from Mia for her behavior, especially if her actions hurt you. If you feel it’s important for healing, gently express to your son that an apology from Mia would go a long way in repairing the relationship. However, if she’s unwilling to apologize, it might be best to set boundaries on how much you interact with her until that happens.

Decide What’s Best for You: If you continue feeling disrespected, consider saying no to future requests. Prioritize your well-being and set clear limits.

Consider Family Mediation: If things don’t improve, suggest family counseling to address deeper issues and ensure everyone’s concerns are heard.

Know Your Worth: No one should ever feel like they have to apologize for their personal choices or be made to feel lesser because of them. You deserve respect, and it’s important that you stand up for your own well-being and happiness. Whether it's food preferences or any other aspect of your relationship with your son and Mia, make sure your feelings are heard and considered.

Another woman wrote to us and shared the embarrassing secret she discovered about her mother-in-law. Read about it here.