I’m Still Grieving My Baby, and I Refuse to Share Her Clothes With Anyone

Grief hits everyone in different waves. In most cases, people go through stages like denial, anger, sadness, and acceptance. In Evie’s case, her loss was great. She experienced a miscarriage and was forced to let go of her child’s belongings sooner than she had hoped.

This is Evie’s letter:

I had a miscarriage three months before my baby was due to give birth. My husband and I were devastated. He got rid of all of the baby’s belongings because having them around hurt too much. A few days later, I saw my husband’s cousin post a picture of her newborn wearing a onesie I bought for my baby. I confronted my husband and he told me, “Why waste the clothes? I gave them to my cousin because she needed them more than us.”

I felt blindsided by my husband’s willingness to let things go so quickly.

I knew his intentions were good, but I didn’t like that he didn’t approach me first. So, when we were invited to his cousin’s house, I snuck in the baby’s room and took back all my baby’s clothes, even the ones she was wearing. I wrapped her in a blanket and left. I kept the clothes in my bag and we left.

Later, my husband came up to me asking if I took the clothes because his cousin called him about it. I confessed that I did and he was really upset with me. I don’t know what to tell him. I wasn’t done grieving and seeing the cousin’s baby wearing the clothes really hurt.

People grieve differently.

Hey Evie, thank you for sharing your story with us. You have to understand that everyone’s grief manifests differently and your husband’s way of coping with loss was to get rid of the clothes. Understanding his perspective is important before committing to an action like taking away the clothes from his cousin’s newborn.

You should have spoken to your husband first.

Rather than taking the clothes back, you should have told your husband first that you were uncomfortable with him getting rid of them. That way, you might’ve reached a compromise where not all of the clothes would go to the cousin and you get to keep some treasured pieces you really loved.

Create a memorial.

Establish a dedicated space or ritual to honor your child’s memory. This could be a small memorial garden, a special piece of jewelry, or an annual ritual on your due date. Inviting your husband to participate can help him understand the significance of this loss for you.

This alternative way of honoring your child might also help you feel less dependent on the physical items of clothing for remembrance.

In moments like these, talking to your loved ones is critical. Voicing your grief helps alleviate it. This heartfelt story shows a woman who underwent a miscarriage and found solace in her MIL’s company.