My Boyfriend Forces Me to Have Kids, but I Refuse to Give Up My Childfree Life

Many couples face tension when one partner is childfree by choice while the other hopes they’ll change their mind. These situations often bring up issues of boundaries, financial struggles, and respect in relationships.

Ava’s story for Bright Side:

Hello Bright Side,

So here’s some backstory: I grew up poor, hand-me-downs from cousins that were already falling apart. My parents worked very hard, but it was still never enough, and as the oldest, I basically raised my siblings. Babysitting, cooking, making sure homework got done, you name it. I didn’t get to have much of a childhood because I was always “mom #2.”

That’s a big reason I decided early on that I don’t want kids. Ever. I’ve done the diapers, the crying at 2 am, the “sorry you don’t get to hang out with your friends because someone has to watch the baby.” Been there, hated that.

Fast forward: I’m in my mid-20s now, living with my boyfriend. I love him. He’s kind, funny, and we click on so many levels. But he has this idea that I’ll eventually “change my mind” about kids. I’ve told him straight-up: no, I won’t. I don’t want to repeat the cycle of poverty, and honestly, I just want to live for myself for once. We’re both working, but we barely cover bills as is. A kid would break us financially and mentally.

One day, he called, super excited: “I have a big surprise, I adopted a puppy for you.” I never saw that coming. His reasoning? He wanted me to “see how caring for someone else could change my mind.” I’m not anti-puppy, but I’m definitely not okay with a living creature being used as some kind of experiment to push me toward having kids.

Now I feel stuck. I love him, but this feels like he’s not taking me seriously. It feels like my boundaries are being ignored. Bright Side, what do I do here? Is this a huge red flag or just an annoying misstep? Would you stay and try to work through it, or is this one of those deal-breaker moments?

Thank you in advance,
Ava.

Thank you so much for sharing your story, Ava! It takes courage to open up about something so personal. We really wanted to honor that by gathering a few pieces of advice that might give you different perspectives. Hopefully, something here helps you feel a little more supported and less alone.

• Love doesn’t mean agreeing on everything — Here’s the messy truth: you can love someone deeply and still realize your life goals don’t match. That doesn’t make you cold or him wrong. It just means love isn’t always enough to carry a relationship when the foundations don’t line up.
• You’re allowed to choose yourself — You spent your whole childhood putting others first. It’s okay if this chapter of your life is just about you. That doesn’t make you selfish; it makes you human. Don’t let anyone guilt-trip you into living the same life you worked hard to escape.
• Ask the hard question now — At some point, you’ve gotta look him in the eye and ask, “Do you honestly think I’ll change my mind about kids?” If he says yes, that’s the answer. Because it means he’s banking on a version of you that doesn’t exist. And that’s not fair to either of you.

While these situations can be challenging, open communication and mutual respect can help couples find common ground. With understanding and honesty, it’s possible to honor each other’s choices and strengthen the relationship.
Read next — “I Refused to Be Blamed for Not Giving My MIL a Grandchild, but She Was Hiding Something Big”