Many couples face tension when one partner is childfree by choice while the other hopes they’ll change their mind. These situations often bring up issues of boundaries, financial struggles, and respect in relationships.
Hello Bright Side,
So here’s some backstory: I grew up poor, hand-me-downs from cousins that were already falling apart. My parents worked very hard, but it was still never enough, and as the oldest, I basically raised my siblings. Babysitting, cooking, making sure homework got done, you name it. I didn’t get to have much of a childhood because I was always “mom #2.”
That’s a big reason I decided early on that I don’t want kids. Ever. I’ve done the diapers, the crying at 2 am, the “sorry you don’t get to hang out with your friends because someone has to watch the baby.” Been there, hated that.
Fast forward: I’m in my mid-20s now, living with my boyfriend. I love him. He’s kind, funny, and we click on so many levels. But he has this idea that I’ll eventually “change my mind” about kids. I’ve told him straight-up: no, I won’t. I don’t want to repeat the cycle of poverty, and honestly, I just want to live for myself for once. We’re both working, but we barely cover bills as is. A kid would break us financially and mentally.
Raising your brothers and sisters as totally different and having a child everyone
The love the respect the gratitude the tears the fears the love I don't expect you to change your mind I just wanted you to know what you're missing out on and if you and your friend cannot agree on this matter now that is better to park ways
One day, he called, super excited: “I have a big surprise, I adopted a puppy for you.” I never saw that coming. His reasoning? He wanted me to “see how caring for someone else could change my mind.” I’m not anti-puppy, but I’m definitely not okay with a living creature being used as some kind of experiment to push me toward having kids.
Keep the puppy, dump the man. He is literally using another living being to teach you, a grown woman, a lesson the HE thinks you should learn. That right there should be a huge red flag.
You're still at the age where you could change your mind. If you do, that should be on YOUR terms. Not because someone else tried to mold you into something. If you don't, then you should be allowed to live perfectly happily with the choices you've made for your own life, and not with the unfair feelings of shame or guilt that someone like him would probably subject you to if you don't change into the kind of person he wants to be with.
This is not to say that he is a bad person, or that you are inadequate. There are great sides to everybody, but despite those things, some people just have other sides that render them unsuitable for each other. It would be unfortunate to have both of you feel frustrated and hurt because you each have different life goals. I am 36 and child-free...with two dogs and two rabbits, and I don't think I'm looking back ever!
Now I feel stuck. I love him, but this feels like he’s not taking me seriously. It feels like my boundaries are being ignored. Bright Side, what do I do here? Is this a huge red flag or just an annoying misstep? Would you stay and try to work through it, or is this one of those deal-breaker moments?
Thank you in advance,
Ava.
Think carefully about what is important in your life. Now he has fixed a puppy and it can be compared to a small child... The next step for him will be to make sure that you get pregnant suddenly.
Keep an eye on your pills so that he doesn't ruin them by putting them in the microwave... Oh yes, you can make them useless that way. The only way to be safe is to sterilize yourself. Then you are safe...
The risk is that he gets someone else pregnant and either leaves you or wants custody of the child. Even if he gets 50/50 custody, you will be the one who has to do the work... So think about it, do you want to stay or maybe build a life that you want without someone who thinks completely differently from you?
Thank you so much for sharing your story, Ava! It takes courage to open up about something so personal. We really wanted to honor that by gathering a few pieces of advice that might give you different perspectives. Hopefully, something here helps you feel a little more supported and less alone.
While these situations can be challenging, open communication and mutual respect can help couples find common ground. With understanding and honesty, it’s possible to honor each other’s choices and strengthen the relationship.
Read next — “I Refused to Be Blamed for Not Giving My MIL a Grandchild, but She Was Hiding Something Big”
Keep the dog and kick him to the curb I'm the same did not want kids had to many late nights with my sibs my ex did want kids. I left him when he wanted me to watch his nieces for a month while the parents went on their honeymoon that was my breaking point I also ask him if he would help but said no . So I said no and to pack his stuff and stay at his sister till they got back.
Wow ... I'm totally pro having kids, I've got 3, but I dont think everyone has to be. You need to ditch this guy ASAP. And his little dog, too.
Time to cut your losses and move on.
This guy is NEVER going to be OK with the OP's decision to be child-free.
So she has 3 choices....... she can move on to someone who accepts her choice to be child-free ....... she can waste years in a relationship with a guy trying to manipulate and maneuver and pressure her into having a kid ...... or she can fold and allow herself to be pressured into having a kid she never wanted to have to make this guy happy.
I agree with the people saying they need to break up. It isn't fair to her that so much pressure is being put on her to have kids, but it also isn't fair to him to keep him from having descendants.
Everyone's acting like he's the bad guy for wanting kids. He's not. He is the bad guy for bringing a puppy into the situation without talking to her first, though.
Having children and wanting to have children is as much a valid choice as being child-free. This situation isn't fair to either of them and they need to either come to some kind of agreement (that makes them both happy) or they need to go their separate ways.
Also, I have to ask. How is she not pressuring him into not having kids? The man obviously wants kids, but when he tries to express that, he gets labeled as manipulative and controlling. Again, the move with the puppy was wrong. But constantly talking about kids? That's no different than her always responding with "I want to be child-free". He's expressing what he wants.
Just, bottom line, they need to have a serious discussion where BOTH of them are heard and decide how they're going to handle this.
I'd look into tubal ligation. He might destroy any BC method you are using!!
