My Boyfriend Humiliated Me in Front of Everyone — I Overreacted and Now I’m the Villain

Birthdays are supposed to be filled with joy, laughter, and sweet surprises. But for one woman, her special day took an unexpected turn when her boyfriend decided to turn a fun moment into something completely humiliating. Now we’re left wondering: where’s the line between funny and disrespectful? What would you do in her position?

My boyfriend (M38) and I (F34) celebrate our birthdays together. This year, I contributed a small private room at a restaurant, and we invited 11 people. 4 of them are my local friends. The rest are his family members. I wanted to celebrate a new achievement in my career and thought it would be great to just splurge a little and get some delicious food.

So we had access to the menu, beverages, and our cake. I had agreed to pay for ½ of the food aside from having rented the small space myself. The space was paid for in advance, and the food at the end (as in any restaurant).

We had issues last year because I felt that he was doing low-effort things while I always did my best to give him a nice birthday celebration. We have an income gap, but it wasn’t even about money. I was making less money last year, and I still made things work for him. So this year, he took care of inviting people, paid for the cake, and got me a spice rack as a present (which I loved).

I made myself pretty, got my eyebrows and eyelashes done, and had my hair done. We were told to pose and pretend to blow the candles (because I didn’t want to blow our germs on the cake). Then we each had a picture alone with the cake. When it was my turn, I was holding the cake when he jokingly pushed my face towards the cake. His family started cheering.

My friends tried to get him off me, and he resorted to plastering cake and frosting on my hair. I don’t need to describe the mess because I’ll never be able to end this post. I ended up overreacting when he attempted to do it again. His mother got up, and she got into an argument with one of my guests. I had to cross the main floor with cake all over my face to use the restroom.

When I looked in the mirror, I had cake on my neck, and my blouse had red and blue coloring that didn’t come off. I had to wash my face and put my hair in a bun because it looked less messy that way. When I came back, his family all hadf long faces. I told him what he did was unacceptable, and he said it was just a joke, that everybody had done that for ages, and that my reaction just ruined my image in front of his family.

I started crying and gathered all my stuff to leave. I notified him that he should pay for himself and his guests. My friends insisted on paying for their own food, but I refused, and we ended the night right there. My friends wanted to treat me to having dinner elsewhere, but I wasn’t comfortable with my appearance. They ended up sending me the money that I spent, and that broke my heart.

He had to pay for ½ of the remaining bill and got charged a cleaning fee. I still love him, but I’m clear that I’ll never be able to forgive him. We talked about it, and I ended things. He’s convinced that I never loved him. He acknowledged what he did was wrong but is adamant that his family hates me for slapping him and that it’s my fault. I told him that he ruined not only our birthday but also my way to celebrate my career milestone.

I’ve worked very hard to get to where I am and his behavior showed me what my future will look like. And that I’m sorry to say it, but he was so aggressive and so focused on making his family laugh at my expense that I just realized he’s not good enough and that I’ve lost my confidence to be seen with him in public, because I don’t know what else he will pull out of his ass.

He says he paid for that cake, that he’s not saying that it was okay to smash it, but it’s not like I paid for everything. He wanted me to apologize to his mom, but I refused. I’m not proud of my reaction. We’ve never had any physical altercations. He says his mother feels humiliated because of what I did, and I came off as violent.

What do Redditors think?

• His mother feels humiliated. You overreacted? Did she not see what he did to you? How does one do this to their future spouse, then act like it was nothing but fun times? ©Fun_Ideal_5584 / Reddit
• She feels humiliated because the whole world got to see the son she raised. The image of the guy pushing OP’s face into the cake is burned into my mind. Her overreaction was more than deserved. ©Unfair-Store-9108 / Reddit
• My little sister is dealing with this right now. Her fiance’s family wrestles with each other, and does weird things like Mickey mousing fingers, and the dad got her hand, wouldn’t let go, and then got hurt when she yelled at him to make him stop. The dad pouted for a week and the mom made passive-aggressive comments.
  We found out later that the fiance told them that she’s just a little extra moody when she’s on her period. Instead of, I don’t know, telling his dad to keep his hands off of his fiance, especially when she tells him to stop. I’m supposed to be a bridesmaid. The wedding is in August. I’m trying to figure out how to talk to her without her shutting me out. ©toriemm / Reddit
• It’s obvious he’s jealous of your success and trying to humiliate you. This man HATES you. You may not see it now but you will. No man who loves you pushes your face into a cake as a joke. My jaw was on the floor.
  He did this because he’s angry your career is better. He wanted to ruin your career announcement and your evening. What’s the joke in humiliating the person you supposedly love? You have lovely friends by the way. Dump him. The fact he acted this way and thinks all of this is your fault? ©Naive-Stable-3581 / Reddit

If you have a boyfriend, has he ever done something that really insulted you? This woman found out that her boyfriend was hiding all her stuff, and his intentions were all kinds of creepy!