My Boyfriend Let His Friends Humiliate Me, So I Gave Him a Taste of His Own Medicine

Meeting your partner’s coworkers is always a little nerve-wracking. You want to make a good impression, share some laughs, and maybe even feel welcomed into their circle. But for one Reddit user, the night went from slightly awkward to downright humiliating when her boyfriend and his friends decided to “test” her instead of getting to know her.

She opened her post by saying, “I need some help processing this. They made me question whether or not I’m actually authentic when it comes to what I’m interested in. I feel like I don’t want to talk about my interests with anyone because I don’t want to be pop quizzed.”

Her boyfriend, who she calls ’Dan’, had only been dating her for three months before inviting her to meet his coworkers. The first warning sign, she says, was the choice of restaurant. “The first red flag was he invited everyone out to a Hooters, and said they chose that restaurant because it’s close to where they work and is easy to get to. Which is true, but there are several other restaurants near by that offer better food and a better atmosphere.”

Before the dinner, Dan even told her that his coworkers didn’t believe he was dating someone like her. “He half joked that his coworkers (all of them are male) didn’t believe that he was dating a ’hot girl’ that’s into the same hobbies as them. I was a little irked at that comment, but he said he was ’just joking around’ (this pretty much became the catch phrase for the men that night).”

Once they arrived, things didn’t improve. “When everyone arrived at the restaurant Dan and his coworkers were making comments about the girls that worked there and their physical appearances. This made me a little uncomfortable but I didn’t say anything.”

But the real frustration came when the “joking” turned into a quiz show. “Once everyone ordered their food/drink his friends started to quiz me about my interests. Many of them share the same ’male dominated’ hobbies I’m interested in, and they more or less just tried to see if I knew facts about the hobby, as opposed to asking me questions about what I like/don’t like or what I’m currently doing in said hobby.”

She gave an example of how absurd it felt: “For example, if my hobby was American history—one of them would ask an esoteric question like ’Oh, so you like American History? How many one dollar bills are currently in circulation? How old is the French Broad River!?’”

It didn’t stop there. They also quizzed her on her job. “I also work as a junior automation engineer at a start up software company. I haven’t been writing code that long, as I was working in QA prior and learned how to code while I was in that position. I’m really green and I know I still have a lot to learn. The projects I’m working on are small and I’m getting help at work. All of his friends are senior level software engineers and were quizzing me about my work and trying to see how much I actually know. They were asking about advanced things I did not know about, and were asking me technical questions that don’t even apply to my job. But, they were all smiling and laughing, and would frequently say something like ’aw we’re just kidding!’”

By then, she said, “I felt like I was at some weird interview and was taking one question at a time from each guy at the table. I know I stopped fake smiling at some point and just emotionlessly answered their questions.” She even noticed that one of them seemed to realize how bad it was: “I think one of them became self aware because he just looked down at his phone for the rest of the evening, didn’t ask me anything else and just looked uncomfortable.”

When she wasn’t being quizzed, she was brushed aside. “They were talking to each other and ignoring me. I’d be interrupted if I tried to include my thoughts on the subject, or nod at me and look away to someone else.”

She also pointed out the age gap, saying, “I should mention all of these guys were 5–10 years older than me, I’m 25, the guy I’m dating is 29, and his coworkers are in their early-mid 30s. I don’t have as much experience as they do, part of me was hoping I could meet peers who could have helped guide me or answer my questions about their careers. Instead, one of them literally asked me to give him a sql query.”

Dan didn’t defend her either. Instead, he joined in. “Dan was sitting beside me and wasn’t stopping this behavior from his coworkers. He was coaching me, I guess? Saying things like ’oh! you know this one!’ or ’come on you got this, we talked about this last week!’ Dan also made the comment of ’See, she’s really smart too!’ to one of the guys at the table.”

Afterward, he even blamed her. “He was actually irritated at me because he saw my whole mood change while I was being quizzed by his friends. He said he noticed me having an ’attitude’ with his coworkers, when they were just having fun and trying to get to know me. That it was immature of me to have been too obviously annoyed and that I ’audibly sighed’ multiple times when one his friends spoke to me.”

By the end of the night, her perspective had completely shifted. “I can’t stop seeing Dan as a super cringey dude now. I thought he was acting ridiculous and seemed more like a 13 year old boy as opposed to someone who is supposed to be turning 30 in a couple of months. I’m pretty sure I can’t go on with the relationship at this point. I don’t think this is an overreaction on my part, if I were to break up with him.”

She closed by admitting she hasn’t responded to him since. “The dinner happened last night and I haven’t returned any of his texts today. I know ghosting is wrong, but I don’t want to look at him or speak to him, the thought of him just kind of disgusts me at this point. I’ve never felt like someone’s show poodle before. I don’t know if I’ll feel differently in a week or if I’m unjustified in my anger.”

Commenters weighed in on the situation.

• Bullying is the key word here. Maybe they thought it was all in good fun but her expression and body language made it clear she was upset by it and her bf didnt take up for her. In fact, he shamed her for not handling it better (immature). This guy is a loser no wonder his friends were surprised he had a girlfriend. © Pretzel_Jack_ / Reddit

• I wonder why Dan and his friends have to go to Hooters and leer at the waitresses, when they’re just so good at talking to women.
  Dan is an idiot who has ruined his own relationship out of a cowardly deference to the manchild behaviour of his friends. He deserves them and you deserve better. ’I’m just joking!’ is the catchphrase of people to cowardly too stand by their own views when challenged. © BritishHobo / Reddit

• So I’ll prolly get downvoted for this but...
  You and Dan have only been dating for 3 months. He is probably super excited to have a beautiful girlfriend who is also into his nerdy interests. Especially if “hot girlfriend” came up. Most likely he is just super excited about it, and wants to show off how much of a perfect catch he found. And none of his work friends believed it. I believe he is excited and proud of you more than you think and that he most likely was trying to prove to those co-workers that you’re just as amazing as he said you were. © BrokenSouthernSoul / Reddit

• Being a girl in a man’s field with other “men” hobbies, this has happened to me multiple times and I totally feel your disgust, yet wondering if it’s you. They almost make you feel like a fraud and automatically undermine you just because you’re female. It is disgusting and I would’ve just said “am I being interviewed here?” Being a woman, dealing with this constantly, you have to learn to put them in their place. That being said, dump Dan. © ponderosamylord / Reddit

In the end, this woman’s experience highlights how dismissive behavior from a partner and his friends can leave someone feeling more like a spectacle than an equal. Processing that hurt takes time, but it also raises valid questions about respect and support in relationships. A similar struggle was shared in this story, where a woman overheard her husband mocking her appearance in front of his friends.