My Brother Wants ME to Pay for HIS Wedding but I Refuse

In a surprising turn of events, a conflict has arisen between siblings over the financial responsibilities for an upcoming wedding. This situation has sparked tension between the two, as both wrestle with the expectations of family and the boundaries of personal responsibility.

She explained what happened.

I (32F) have worked really hard for everything I have. Growing up, my parents treated my younger brother, Jake (29M), like he was a prince, while I was expected to be the responsible one.

While I was working part-time jobs from a young age, trying to save money for college and paying for my own stuff, Jake basically got handed everything on a silver platter. My parents paid for all his hobbies, and his car, even helping him with rent well into his 20s.

Me? I had to figure everything out on my own.

I don’t really resent that, or I try not to because honestly, the hard work paid off. I’m now in a good place financially. I have a stable job, a home I own, and savings that make me feel secure.

Meanwhile, Jake’s only just now starting to get his life together. He’s always been a bit... laid back when it comes to working hard. He got used to our parents bailing him out whenever things went wrong.

Now Jake’s getting married, and of course, he wants a massive wedding. I’m talking about destination weddings, expensive venues, designer clothes for the bride, and the works. It’s pretty clear our parents can’t afford this kind of thing anymore, especially after all the money they’ve spent on him over the years.

But instead of being realistic, they’re trying to make it happen for him...by asking me to pay. They sat me down a few weeks ago and started with the whole “you’re doing so well, and Jake really deserves this” speech. They basically want me to pay for most of his dream wedding because “you can afford it.”

I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. I said to them flat out that no, I wasn’t going to pay for Jake’s wedding. If Jake wants a big fancy wedding, then he needs to figure out how to afford it, not rely on me like he’s always relied on them.

My parents didn’t take it well at all. They started guilting me, saying that “family helps family” and that Jake’s wedding should be special. Jake’s fiancée also has these high expectations now, and apparently, it wouldn’t be fair to her to have a wedding that isn’t what she dreamed of.

The pressure from everyone is unreal. My brother hasn’t said much directly, but he’s been making passive-aggressive comments about how “some people in the family” could make this wedding happen but are choosing not to.

It’s frustrating because while I could technically afford to help, why should I? I worked hard for everything I have, I saved and budgeted and made sacrifices. Jake has never had to do any of that, and now I’m supposed to bankroll this huge wedding. I didn’t even have a big wedding myself!

Now I’m being painted as the selfish one in the family for not helping. My parents are practically begging, and even friends of mine are saying things like “Well, if you can afford it, why not just help them out?” But I can’t shake the feeling that it’s not my responsibility. Jake and his fiancée should plan a wedding within their means, not expect me to be their backup plan.

People stood on her side.

• “No one is obligated to pay for their family just because. No exceptions.” baddreammoonbeam888 / Reddit
• “This marriage won’t last. Any money fiancé has no clue of his irresponsibility and/or she’s just as bad. They can’t afford this wedding. Ergo, they need to budget within their means.
  Otherwise, they’d failed a basic test of marriage and partnership. It’s a wedding, not life-saving surgery.” sikonat / Reddit
• “It isn’t your wedding, he’s a big boy if he wants to get married and play house, let him pay the bills.” Odd_Owl_5045 / Reddit

• “What’s next, you need to buy him the house he can’t afford either?” KMage63 / Reddit
• “Family helps family when the family is in need. Your brother doesn’t need this, and he certainly doesn’t deserve this. You’re right to refuse and to resent being asked.” Turmeric_Ping / Reddit
• “You’ve worked incredibly hard to get where you are. Your financial success is a result of your own efforts and sacrifices. It’s understandable that you would want to keep that money for yourself and not feel obligated to subsidize your brother’s wedding.” BlossomyBri / Reddit

In the end, the sibling’s decision to refuse funding for the wedding highlights the importance of setting personal boundaries, even when family is involved. While the tension may remain, it serves as a reminder that financial responsibilities should be shared fairly and not imposed.