My Co-worker Excluded Me From His Wedding and Got Angry at Me for Telling Others
We can probably remember those school days when what mattered most to us was that our classmates did not exclude us from events that everyone in the class would attend. Well, these things don’t just happen to us during childhood or adolescence; as hard as it is to admit, we also need to feel included during our adult lives.
What memories do you have of a party you couldn’t attend, even though you were looking forward to it? What was the worst misunderstanding you ever had with a co-worker? No doubt we’ll also want to know how you resolved it.
Fortunately, Bob decided to make things right (or at least he tried).
At Bright Side, we felt sorry about this situation and decided to draw some lessons from it.
- Always be honest. Although the truth may be uncomfortable, there are always better ways to convey it than lying. If there is one reason to lie, there are bound to be ten more reasons to tell the truth. In this case, Bob lied to all his colleagues, which caused the situation to come out in the worst way.
- If you’re going to apologize, show that it’s an offense you wouldn’t want to commit again. Bob and Pam made it very clear that while they felt bad about excluding this person, they felt no remorse for not inviting him. When apologizing, the focus should be on the harm caused by the offense and not on the good intentions behind the offense. Because in this case they only make it clear that there is no regret, but a sense of anguish at having made the other person feel bad. And what is the point of apologizing to someone for an offense that they would commit again in the same situation?
- When apologizing, explain your actions, don’t justify them. It is important when apologizing to explain our actions, but not to justify them. It is fine for Bob to explain his reasons for not inviting his colleague, but telling him that he didn’t think he wanted to go to a wedding as the only single man, in a way, justifies his offense by implying that the narrator made a bigger deal out of it than he should have.
- Let’s keep our personal and work lives separate. While it’s good to get along with co-workers, it would be wise, at least during working hours, to keep your personal life separate. Private life issues such as who invited whom to the wedding and why this or that person didn’t go led to many dialogues and disputes taking place within working hours. Can you imagine how uncomfortable it must have been to work in that office during that week with two colleagues on bad terms?
Another drama unfurled when the mother-in-law showed up at her son’s wedding in a white bridal dress — check here for details.