My DIL Is Furious That Our Family Prefers My Meals Over Hers

Earning your daughter-in-law’s trust can be difficult, and for one of our readers, it felt completely out of reach after a tense incident at a family picnic. What should have been a fun day turned into a turning point in their relationship. Now she’s hoping to find a way to heal the rift and bring harmony back into the family.

We appreciate you opening up! Rebuilding that connection with your daughter-in-law may take some time, but it’s definitely possible. We've put together a few steps to help you start the conversation, ease the tension, and hopefully meet in the middle.

Reach out with kindness and reassurance.

Sometimes what people need most is simply to hear that they’re seen and appreciated. A kind, personal message to your daughter-in-law could go a long way.<strong> Let her know that you admire her effort and that your intention was never to outshine her.

A message like this shows you’re not defensive, but rather thoughtful and aware of how she’s feeling. Even if she doesn’t respond right away, you’re showing emotional maturity and opening the door to healing. It helps her see you as an ally, not competition.

Check in with your son privately.

Since your son gave you a bit of insight, consider talking to him one-on-one to get more clarity. Ask him gently if there’s something specific your daughter-in-law has been struggling with. Maybe she’s feeling judged in other areas too, or maybe she’s had a rough time adjusting to her role in the family.

This isn’t about placing blame—it’s about understanding the emotional landscape better so you can respond with compassion. He might offer ideas for how to make her feel more included that you hadn’t thought of yet.

Give her public praise and encouragement.

At the next gathering, make a point to compliment her dish in front of others, even if it didn’t go over well the last time. A simple, genuine comment like, “I love how creative this is!” can go a long way. It shows the family that you’re supportive and takes pressure off her to “compete.”

Encouragement from you, especially in front of others, helps her feel like she’s not constantly being measured against you. It also signals to the rest of the family to be more mindful with their words around her, especially the kids.

Create opportunities for her to shine.

If she’s trying hard to impress, maybe she just needs space to lead. Ask her to host the next gathering or be in charge of the menu. Let her know you’re excited to see what she plans. Giving her that autonomy can help her feel respected and capable—and shows that you trust her judgment.

It shifts the dynamic from you being the experienced matriarch to her being an active contributor to the family culture. Over time, this may help the two of you build a partnership rather than an unspoken rivalry.

A 55-year-old woman found herself heartbroken after her once-sweet daughter-in-law suddenly changed her behavior. What used to be a warm and respectful relationship took a sharp turn, leaving her confused and deeply hurt. Read her story here.