A man turned to social media for advice after finding out distressing things about his ex-MIL’s relationship with his own daughter. The man, who lost his wife years ago, shared his worries about how his ex-MIL seems to be trying to manipulate his daughter and change her perception of her own family.
«My first wife and mother of my daughter (now 9), passed away during childbirth. Naturally I was devastated, as was my ex-MIL, „Gill“ (a fake name). My late wife was an only child, so Gill started to view my daughter as her replacement. I was never comfortable with this, but understand people grieve in their own ways, so I never said anything.
I put a stop to any boundary stomping, though. For example, when introducing my daughter to people Gill would always say ‘this is my baby’ or ‘meet my daughter’, and she set up a nursery in her own home for when my daughter went to live with her (yes, she actually said my daughter would live with her). She even tried to convince the nurses at the hospital to let my daughter go home with her after she was discharged. It took almost 2 hours to prove that she was actually my daughter and would be going home with me.
For the first two years of my daughter’s life, I focused entirely on her and didn’t do any sort of dating. When she was 3 I met my second wife, who loves my daughter like she is her own. When my daughter was 6 we sat her down and explained that her biological mom was in heaven and my wife was her stepmom. Gill doesn’t like my wife at all and hates the fact that my daughter has a mother figure in her life.»
«My wife and I are now married, she is pregnant with our son, and we’re in the process of moving to another state. I was offered a transfer from my job with a pay rise, and there are better school/daycare opportunities for my daughter and the baby. Gill has known since we first started looking at houses and has done almost everything possible to stop it from happening.
She called Child Protective Services on us, claiming we’re neglecting my daughter over our unborn son and aren’t fit to care for her. She knows she would probably get custody of my daughter if she were taken away. Thankfully, both the state we currently live in and the state we’re moving to don’t have grandparent’s rights. Gill is convinced we’re doing this to spite her though.
Finally, I got tired of her antics and told her that my daughter is my child, so I get to decide what’s best for her. Despite not liking Gill very much, I’ve never kept my daughter from her. She visits Gill often and has sleepovers there. However, after her last visit, I’m uncomfortable sending my daughter there unsupervised.
On the drive home, my daughter was unusually quiet. After prying a bit she asked me if we were going to abandon her when the baby was born. Of course, I said no and asked why she thought that. She told me that Gill has been telling her that we won’t care about her and only Gill will love her.
My daughter also told me that for the past year or so Gill has been making her call her mom but was told to not tell me or my wife about it. She’s also been telling my daughter that she would be better off living with her and will find a way to ‘make it happen.’ I’m so confused about what her endgame is here because I’m obviously never going to let that happen. She was going to spend a few nights at Gill’s before we left, but now I don’t want her to.»
People in the comments felt this dad’s hurt and confusion, and shared advice with him about what’s been going on in his life:
It's an easy fix ---- Take out a TRO on Gill Take the new job and DO NOT give Gill your new work or home address Make sure you and your wife assure daughter in every possible way that she is and always will be loved Explain the facts about EX MIL, and impress on daughter that MIL is sick and needs help from professionals, but not from her (daughter) or you & wife. Never allow your daughter any unsupervised visits with ExMIL, and don't allow any visitation until MIL starts getting professional therapy and positive results are apparent and genuine Good Luck, you have a nut job to contend with, and it could very well be a difficult road to travel!!!
Family feuds are no stranger to anyone. Each person’s relationship with their mother-in-law is different, but many people report issues with theirs. And even the smallest things can trigger a huge argument. It’s the case with a woman whose MIL burst in tears after seeing her son wash dishes. The woman then overheard her MIL say things about her. We featured her story in this article.
