My Family Abandoned Me as a Child—Now They Want Me to Split Costs Equally

There are many different reasons for families to fall apart or for the relationships between siblings to shatter. But the most devastating of reasons is money. One of our readers reached out to share a recent experience he had with his siblings.

This is Andy’s story.

Dear Bright Side,

When I was 6, I was living with my parents and my brother and sister, who were 4 and 2. That year our dad got a job overseas, and the family gladly accepted it. The problem was that his company only covered the relocation costs for two kids.

So my parents decided to take my younger siblings with them and leave me with my recently widowed grandpa. It was tough. I always wondered why they left me and not one of my siblings. But my grandpa tried his best, and he gave me a really good life.

It’s something I will always be grateful for because I don’t know if I would have the same upbringing if I had gone with them. But I do know that Grandpa taught me lessons that I will carry with me for the rest of my life.

But that’s not all he did. He worked part-time so he could take care of me and support me, making sure he was always home when I got back from school and that lunch was waiting for me. Then he took me out into the forest and taught me whatever lesson he had planned for the day.

I enjoyed it because he had done things for me that my parents never considered. So when they got back when I was 19, I wasn’t really fazed. I stayed with Grandpa, and they did their thing. The dynamic was good for me, and I never argued it.

That was six years ago. But recently, my sibling came to me and told me that they wanted to split our parents’ bills among the 3 of us. I refused. But then they gave me a list of things they thought I owed, and I couldn’t contain my anger.

Their list included my “share” of our parents’ mortgage, utilities, and groceries. They claimed we should split these expenses since they were our parents and were “too old” to take care of themselves. Since the 3 of us were adults, they thought it was our duty to take over.

But what really sent me over the edge was the calculation at the bottom of the page. They had been tracking the costs since our parents returned to the country and decided I owed them back payments for the last 6 years.

My brother thought it was only fair since they’d both been helping our parents financially while I “contributed nothing.” I looked them straight in the eyes and asked. “Did our parents pay for your childhood? Your school fees, clothes, and food for all the years you spent abroad?”

They nodded, clearly confused by the questions. Then I asked, “Who paid for me?” They didn’t answer, so I told them that Grandpa raised me on his pension. He was forced to take a side job to take care of me because he was alone and had to cover my costs for 13 years.

And the worst part of it all was that my parents didn’t give him a cent. They didn’t even call to find out how I was doing or if my grandpa was coping. They abandoned us both, and there was no way I was going to support them financially after that.

My sister tried to argue, but I told her that my grandfather was old and frail. He’s the one who needs support now, and he’s the one I’ll be taking care of. If they didn’t like it, they could leave the two of us alone like they had done before because we didn’t need them.

But now I’m wondering if I might’ve been too harsh. So Bright Side, what’s your opinion? Was I acting on years of pent-up rage? Or did I do the right thing?

Regards,
Andy J.

Some advice from our Editorial team.

Dear Andy,

Thank you for reaching out and sharing your story with us.

You weren’t wrong to refuse the money, but the strongest position here isn’t anger, it’s clarity.

Your parents already received their “support” in advance when they fully funded your siblings’ childhoods while you were effectively raised on your grandfather’s pension, time, and health, and that imbalance never got acknowledged.

If you do anything now, it should be to calmly restate the facts in writing: you will not contribute to your parents’ expenses because your share was paid through 13 years of being left behind, and your financial priority is the man who actually raised you.

Make it clear this isn’t punishment or revenge. It’s a boundary rooted in real history and real sacrifice. If your siblings want to help your parents, that’s their choice, but they don’t get to rewrite your childhood or invoice you for their guilt years later.

Andy finds himself in a very difficult position, and his next moves will determine if he’ll lose his family again or if he’ll keep them this time.

But he isn’t the only one with family struggles. Another one of our readers shared their experience: I Refuse to Be My Family’s ATM Just Because I’m “the Successful One.”