Graduation day usually means celebration, pride, and family cheering in the stands. But for one of our readers, it turned into a moment of heartbreak. She shared with us how her parents’ choice that day made her feel like she would never come first.
I am so sorry that you had to experience so much hurt and pain from your adoptive parents that have no emotional maturity!! The best revenge is to live your best life and be happy without them!!! Wishing you your best life moving forward!!!
Hi Bright Side,
I honestly don’t even know why I’m writing this, maybe because I feel like I’m going crazy. I’m Callie, 22, and yeah... I’m adopted. My parents, Nora and James, always said they loved me, but Sienna, their biological daughter, has always been the princess. Everything is about her. Always.
I let it slide my whole life. I told myself it didn’t matter. But last month was my college graduation. First person in the family to graduate, I was so proud. I told them the time, the place, begged them not to be late. And guess what? They didn’t arrive on time.
They walked in after it was all over. I was outside already, holding my cap, trying not to cry, and when I saw them I snapped. I told them, “You think showing up late is okay? Don’t even bother coming.”
And they just stood there like nothing. Then they explained that Sienna wanted some stupid “rare” Labubu plush keychain, and they went across town to pick it up during my graduation.
You are 22 and a college grad. Sometimes you just have to know when to say when. Get yourself a job and a roomie and go LC. They missed your graduation to buy your sister a keychain. No rational adult does this. You graduating when their princess did not. They can take that the wrong way. They did raise you. When you leave, tell them this is the step too far, but you thank them for what they did do.
A stuffed toy. Over me. Over one of the biggest moments of my life. I lost it. I went home, packed a bag, and left.
My mom cried and said I was overreacting. My dad said, “You know how sensitive Sienna is, we didn’t want to upset her.” What about me?
Now my friends say they’d cut contact forever. Some say I’ll regret it. I don’t know. I just feel empty and humiliated.
So tell me, am I being dramatic? Or is it okay to finally admit my family never really chose me, and maybe I shouldn’t choose them either?
— Callie
You won't regret cutting them off I know because I am one of those. Sadly a couple of my kids have developed relationships with the x family. So , it's like I'm walking on eggshells. But I don't regret cutting ties. I only wish I did it sooner. Sure people can change but not like that. They are disgustingly obedient pets, to your sister. You are obsolete to them and you need to wipe your tears and hold on for dear life. Navigating the adult world sucks but you can do it. You're young, you're strong and you are obviously smart. You need a place to stay, a job to propel yourself in the direction you need and then stay focused. Stick to your goals. It's in our nature to fight for what we need.
No. U r not overreacting. They just proved that everything you said about them putting their bio daughter first is painfully true. My mom did the same to me. I'm not adopted but my brother always came first. When I would bring it up they would say I was jealous. The last straw was when I was getting married. The dress alterations only cost 200. She said she would pay for the dress alterations as a wedding present. That was until a week before the wedding. She backed out cause my brother needed drum heads! She said his needs were more important than my wedding and if I didn't have the money to get my dress then she couldn't see why I just didn't wear jeans!!! Our money went to the food & other things for the wedding. His dad paid for everything. I cut her ass out of my life & I don't have one single regret. So no! Cut them out they already showed what your worth to them.
There is evidently some dysfunctionality in your family.
It might be prudent to get therapy/counselling to help you to sort through these famimy dynamics & then make an informed decision on how you want to proceed.
You might very well decide that you need a short or long cool down period & perhaps contact afterwards but maybe not super often or close for a time.
As well, a therapist can act as a mediator to bring your family in to chat to let them know how inappropriate was their behaviour.
This might not help or it might - take it as you please but in my famimy of 5 natural birn children, I was always the least favourite & my parents never attended any events related to me from Confirmation, graduations, to my wedding, etc.
The excuse I got for my wedding was my mother needed to wash her floors - no, the reception was not being held there. My wedding was 800 Meyers from my parebts house but they drove over 6 hours to my siblings.
This is not tonsay my case is better or worse than yours but just to let you know that lots of families are dysfunctional.
Like you, I was the first to graduate from college (in the end I graduated from 3 different collleges) but received zero recognition for it - none in my family attended the graduation.
What I learned is to be the best person I could be & to love my family foibles & all but I opted to live my life without concerning myself in getting their approval or praise for anything.
It was so much easier when I no longer sought or expected accolades or recognition from them.
I focused on my life & future but still made tie for them - from.a distance. I moved about a 6 hour drive from them & lived my life.
The distance between us allowed me to limit visits & to heal & focus on forging my own path.
Once I had claimed my life & identity outside of them, I found I could love them more, forgive them & hold no animosity because I realized it was their shortcomings & no flaw in me that caused them to be as they were - they were simply incapable of behaving better.
Once I realized none of their behaviours were a reflection on me, it helped me to heal a great deal.
I wish you a happy, fulfilled life wgere you find faith & strength in yourself without need of your family's approval.
I also hope that you heal & find someone who will love you for who you are, & who will celebrate your milestones & victories - whether they be friends or a loved one.
Remember, you are worth celebrating & you have done something remarkable in graduating & in deciding that you are not going to play second fiddle - especially in the face of such flimsy excuses.
However, the fact that a toy keychain can & did trump your graduation tells you & the whole world that your parents are messed up, dysfunctional & lacking as parents.
Alas, they are your parents & spoiled & pampered sibling is probably going to have a tough time in life be cause they are being set up to fail. Entitled folk often fare poorly.
I feel for you but you are strong. You will get through this & emerge an better person for it because empathy will be your companion when you see such injustices committed against another.
I wish you absolutely every success.
Congrats on your graduation!
You rock!!!
You're parents are selfish narcissists. Easy for them to turn it all on you instead of the princess who needed a childish Keychain knowing you were graduating today. You did the right thing, enough is enough and its about time you called them out on it. Keep doing what you are and never look back. Including the so called sister. Go no contact. You don't need them.
No your 100% not being dramatic. I'd go no contact w/ all of them. They're not worth your loyalty and love if it isn't returned. The best revenge is to be the successful person that you'll be. They can have their spoiled entitled daughter demanding and expecting everything. The parents get every nightmare that she's going to be. Enjoy your life and REMEMBER NO CONTACT FROM ANY OF THEM. You deserve inner peace.
I am writing this as an adoptee. First my parents and my dad's family are wonderful, but my mom's family totally sucks. So I am writing as how I have been treated by them. With the help of your friends make up some fake documents of your "un-adoption" Make sure it mentions how sensitive the child they had via a good F**k is. Because of this you have granted them and the fruit of the bed Olympics that status of having one child and that she no longer has to worry she might in the rarest occasion have to share a single second of their time. There for you are now un-adopted and no longer have any ties to them in any way shape or form. have a friend serve and have them sign for it. Sounds harsh but I was even more harsh to the extended family that treated me like a stray.
This is awful!!!!! I am so sorry you had to go through this. Adopted or not your family should have been there for you regardless. There's absolutely no excuse for missing out on a graduation because that's a major milestone within itself
That’s awful! I’m so sorry! They should have been there for you!
Darling you are not alone. And you are not over reacting. They should have been their for you. No excuses unless they was in a terrible accident. Go out and live your life and make your life beautiful. Don't look back and keep moving. The world is waiting for you.
That's a lovely response. MY heart broke for her.
No your not over reacting. This was a big day for you, they should have told that spoiled brat to wait until your graduation then, took her to get a toy. Shameful parents.
They don't deserve you love and time. Go be great on your own.
I was fostered but I was always there to baby sit while my parents were out every evening I left home at 16 its been a rocky relationship since I was 16 but it is what is
I was never the favorite child either but as soon as I made up my mind they accept me as I am or not. I felt 100 times better their not worth it.
My dad missed my graduation and was driving my sister to a party when we were supposed to take my prom pictures. I actually hope she reads this. Anyway, back to you. Being raised by wolves would have been better for you than to be treated like an afterthought. Please don't give in, hold your ground and NEVER AGAIN let them know anything or be any part of your life. When they are stuck permanently giving time, money and everything else they have to an ungrateful spoiled BIOLOGICAL child they will realize that they should have stopped at one child, YOU! There feelings don't matter, not after how badly the have treated you. Congratulations on your graduation now go live the life you deserve not the one that they tried to force on you. You are worth so much more than all of them put together!
You ain't wrong! You have every right to remove toxic people from your life that disrupt your peace, make you feel bad or make you question your worth and sanity. Even if they are your parents and selfish sister!
I understand you totally. I watched my father kill my mother when I was 6 years old. My only brother and I moved into my mom's sisters house from California to Alaska when I was 8. We were always treated like adopted children. Her youngest daughter had birthday parties every year. The only party I ever had was when I was 16. She would let her son abuse me physically and not do anything about it. Emotional neglect is real. I wish we could have just stayed at our Foster parents home in California as they always treated us like we were a part of the family.
This is tough. Sorry that you had to experience it on what should have been one of the happiest milestones of your young life. Graduating college is no small feat. But now, its about you and your future and what you want that to look like. Are you waiting around for disappointing parents catering to a spoiled brat princess or are you forging ahead and doing what you need for you? I personally would not cut all contact. But would rather not be as available or accessible to them. Call and check in periodically. Let them know how well you are doing. Don't ask them for anything, even advice. Just let them know that you are doing just fine. When they start telling you about the princess, tell them you've got to go. if they invite you to things that have to do with the kid, like birthday's or graduations, respond as if its low priority but you will see what can be done with your schedule around it. Even if all you are doing is taking out the trash. My point is, don't make anyone a priority who doesn't consider you one. Always, always, ALWAYS love yourself first. Good luck!
I have a problem with no contact because then they have no idea how well you are doing without them. I suggest extremely low contact. One to two holidays per year. Let me tell you the best way to get revenge is to be successful and live your best life to the fullest. Oh yeah and know how to say no because they will need you some day.
As an adoptive parent, this ticks me off. I have 5 kids my wife and I have adopted,plus 2 biokids. Yes, we treat the all different ly because they have special needs and are different. But, if a kid doesn't want to do something, we have learned no not force and and just let it go. If they don't want to go to a graduation, my wife and I will go, leave them in a hotel room or at home.
Well you finally saw them for who they really are. You're an adult now it's time for you to live your life and let them live their. That stupid keychain could've waited! So don't worry about them keep your head up make a life for yourself without them in it especially since I they only care about their biological child Sienna. Also when they get old and need care let Sienna care for them since all they did your entire life was go through the motions . They made their bed so let them lay in it go completely no contact
Sensitivity is often nothing more than a spoiled brat that's never been told 'No'. Your parents may have already ruined her. Move on, don't look back, and let them spend their lives running around catering to Sienna.
Callie, I'm so sorry your adopted parents showed you who they really are. Don't let them blame it on their biological baby. IT'S NOT HER FAULT THEY GAVE BIRTH TO HER AFTER ADOPTING YOU. I've seen how SOME PEOPLE THINK BLOOD IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN ACTUAL LOVE AND CARING. Go no contact until you're ready to try again with them showing you actually mean something to them. CONGRATS ON GRADUATING
I had a foster daughter whose adopted family had 4 boys and his wife wanted a girl. She later had a girl and decided she did not need two. I do not get people who do that to an animal, much less a child.
Go NC. They're the ones who are losing, not you. Make sure that they know not to contact /find you when they need financial help and their princess won't help. Because you won't. They made their choice.
We know it’s not easy to put something so painful into words, and we truly value your honesty. Here are some not-so-typical ideas that might help you move forward. Some are for protecting yourself, and others could open a door if you ever decide to repair things with your family.
Tell the story to someone your parents respect, maybe an aunt, grandparent, or close family friend. Not to gossip, but because parents sometimes only wake up when they realize how embarrassing their actions sound to others.
If they ruined the day, reclaim it. Put on your cap and gown again, ask a friend to take pictures, throw your own toast. Giving yourself the celebration they denied you is more powerful than waiting for them to make it up.
You told them in advance about the graduation. You gave them the information about where, time, date so on and so forth. I feel like that you had the right to be upset about the reason of them being late. Congratulations on your degree.
Next time they say, “But Sienna was upset,” drop a line like, “Right, my college degree was no big deal.” A sarcastic sting often lands harder than another lecture.
Instead of repeating the same fight, try sending one blunt message: “Let me know if you ever want to meet the daughter who graduated.” It’s short, it’s cold, and it forces them to sit with it.
Use what happened as motivation to build your independence, financially and emotionally. Save up, move forward, show them you don’t need their approval to succeed. That alone can change the entire balance of power.
Callie’s story is heartbreaking and messy, and it leaves us wondering: how much favoritism can someone take before they finally walk away? Was she right to pack her bags after such a betrayal, or should she try to forgive her parents for choosing a toy over her once-in-a-lifetime achievement? What do you think, Bright Side readers?
If you want to read more shocking family stories, check out this article about a woman who faced heartbreaking problems with her stepmother.
You don't need to go no contact, but definitely don't nake them a priority in your life. Why should you go out of your way to be there for people who have repeatedly proved they'll only show up when it's convenient? You don't need to ignore their calls, but you don't need to consider their feelings when making decisions either. They can learn about your achievements from Facebook like other casual aquaintances.
Go nc. I had to do it 2x with my parents before my mother died. Remember family isn't always blood related. My bff family has always been more of family to me then my own family. Brother was always the golden child. They gave the pretense of trying to show people they were loving parents. But anyone who knew me could see the big discrepancies in the way I was treated to the way he was treated. I've always been considered one of their children. They love me more then my own family. Find the family you want and screw the one you were adopted into. That was ridiculous about the toy. Those are the most God awful looking toys I have ever seen
Sienna KNOWS she is the favorite! I bet she chose that moment to want her rare keychain! To see if her parents would choose her or you! I'm so sorry that happened Callie! As far as nc that's up to u but you were right to pack and leave!
The fact that you "let it slide" tells me you're already emotionally more mature than the people who raised you. You're not crazy and you know it. Trust your instinct, move forward. You don't have to go no contact right now, but I do suggest you put a big space in your life between you and them for a long time. You're going to grow more as a person without them. You can decide later if you want to go no contact completely. I'm really sorry this happened to you, it's really sad when the people who raise us are less mature than the people they raised.
Oh, god… that’s truly cruel. I’m so sorry for you
