My Husband Insulted My Postpartum Body — So I Hurt Him Back

Loving your post-partum body is hard enough without your husband adding to the struggle by body-shaming you. One Reddit user shared how her partner crossed the line with his hurtful comment soon after she’d given birth. Faced with the choice of either keeping the peace or standing her ground, she made her choice, but now she’s questioning whether her form of punishment went too far.

She wrote:

I just had my first child about two months ago. The other night, as I was getting into bed, my husband looked at me and told me that it would be better for me to wear a loose shirt. I was immediately defensive and asked him why, and he told me it was because my post-birth tummy was distracting him. I haven’t spoken to him since.

Let’s just say he slept on the couch that night. I still can’t believe he said something like that to me, and I just had HIS child. All the pain and struggle I went through just to be told the aftermath of it is displeasing. I don’t even want my husband touching me now, and I feel insecure about my body after giving birth.

Should I stop ignoring him or continue giving him the cold shoulder?

Other Redditors chimed in with their perspectives, leaving comments under her post:

Silent treatment is not helpful.

• NTA. Don’t shut down, communicate, communicate, communicate. As uncomfortable as it may be, neither of you can avoid this forever. You’ll have to address it to move forward. There’s a balance between giving each other enough space and too much space, which can lead to the breakdown of the relationship. You’re entirely valid in your feelings; address them head-on. If he wants something or needs something from you, voice your needs and wants right back to him. My friend who’s a therapist once told me, you either deal with your issues in this relationship, or you deal with them in the next. Let me just say that really hit home. Grieve, feel it, be in it, do what you have to do to be good with yourself, then address it. You got this, mama. Congrats on your new bundle of joy. © cgm824 / Reddit

• He’s awful, but you’re not teaching him anything by not talking to him. The “silent treatment” is pointless; it doesn’t educate. It won’t make him understand how bad a thing he did. Yes, he should know, but he doesn’t, ’cause he did it!
  Use your words, and tell him exactly how bad he made you feel about your body, the one that went through 9 months of stress and the pain of labour and delivery to bring YOUR CHILD into the world.
  Don’t let him interrupt. Talk till you’re done. He owes you not only an apology but extra care, love, and attention.
  NTA, and congratulations! © Inevitable_Pie9541 / Reddit

• Having come out of a nasty separation after the breakdown of my 42 year marriage, I would advise you to find a way to communicate your displeasure by asking him open questions like, ’how do you think I felt when you said this? What were your expectations of how my body will respond to the stretching? How many women do you know who show no evidence of giving birth?
  Explain to me how shallow you think your statement is. © PuzzleheadedAd3494 / Reddit

Other moms shared their own experiences.

• [Edited] NTA! I just had a baby 2 months ago as well. My husband is still obsessed with my body and tells me at least 5 times a day how attracted he is to me/how beautiful I am. Please kick your husband to the curb. How dare he say that to you after you just put your body through so much pain to bring his child into this world. © WingardiumLeviYo*** / Reddit

• Of all the bad things my ex-husband did. He never body shamed me. And I went from weighing 98 pounds when we got married to about 200 pounds when I gave birth to our first one. He loved me. If he doesn’t love his wife enough to be comfortable with her postpartum body, he is not worth her time. © StevetheBombaycat / Reddit

• I’m due any day now. I’d never let my husband touch me again if he had the nerve to say something like that. Go and file for divorce, buddy. © ok_bro89 / Reddit

The reality of his hurtful comment.

• [Edited] Your body will recover but those words will last forever. He’s awful. You did an amazing thing and you are a beautiful human. Don’t ever doubt that about yourself. © SpaceGirlOnEarth / Reddit

• What an absolute awful thing to say to your partner — someone that just literally brought life into this world. A phenomenal achievement he will never be able to come close to with anything he ever does in his life. I’d say “I just grew life and birthed a whole human being — of course my body will never be the same, it’s better than it ever was! What is your excuse?”. Honestly, unless your partner has rock solid abs and looks like 1990’s Brad Pitt, he needs to sit down. © Happy_Nature_832 / Reddit

• NTA. I’ve been with my wife for 33 years since we were 17. There has never been a time I wasn’t attracted to her. Through pregnancy, after, through weight gain, weight loss you name it. I can’t imagine saying what your husband said regardless of what I felt...it’s straight up mean.
  That said you need to talk it out and see if a resolution can be reached. © tantalum2000 / Reddit

Others stepped in to uplift her and praise her post-partum body.

• You just brought a new life into the world. Your body rocks! He will never be able to say he did something so epic like that. © TourCommercial3226 / Reddit

One other woman was disappointed by her partner after she secretly bailed him out of a financial drama, but it didn’t quite have the results that she hoped.