My Husband Wears Makeup, and Now Everyone's Laughing at Me

At Bright Side, we received a story from a young woman who faced a tough choice between supporting her husband’s self-expression and handling the constant judgment of others. When he started wearing makeup, she stood by him, but the pressure from friends and family became overwhelming. In a moment of desperation, she made a drastic decision that changed their relationship.

Carol sent us her message.

"A few months ago, my husband — a man who’s always been the epitome of “traditional masculinity” — started wearing makeup. It began subtly, with a touch of concealer, but it quickly evolved into full-blown contouring, foundation, and eyeliner for every outing.

At first, I supported him. I believed in his right to express himself, and I didn’t want to stifle his newfound confidence. But things changed when the whispers and laughter started. Friends, family, and even coworkers began questioning me, not him. “How could she let him do this?” “Isn’t she embarrassed?” It was as if his choices were a reflection on me, and no matter how hard I tried to stand by him, the ridicule became unbearable."

"The turning point came one night when I snapped. After a particularly tough day where I had been the subject of too many jokes, I came home, saw his makeup on the bathroom counter, and something inside me broke. I threw it all away. Every single product. Concealer, foundation, brushes — gone.

When he came home and saw what I had done, I expected anger, even a fight. But instead, there was a painful silence. He just looked at me, and at that moment, I realized the damage I had done — not just to his makeup, but to his sense of self.

Now, I’m left wondering if I made the right decision. I didn’t throw away his makeup to hurt him; I did it out of desperation, thinking it might stop the ridicule and save us both from the relentless judgment of others. But instead, I may have destroyed something far more important: his trust in me and his ability to be who he truly is."

What Carol can do here.

It’s understandable that you're feeling overwhelmed by the situation with your husband’s makeup use, especially when external judgment starts to affect your confidence. Here are a few strategies to help you cope with the pressure from others while maintaining support for your partner:

• Open communication: It’s important to talk to your husband about how the public reactions are making you feel. Approach it from a place of vulnerability, expressing your feelings without blame. This can help strengthen your connection and ensure that you're both on the same page, even when faced with criticism from others​
• Reframe external judgment: Try to shift your perspective by realizing that much of the criticism you face reflects other people’s discomfort, not your actions or relationship. Understanding that their judgment comes from their own biases may help you let go of the negative weight you’ve been carrying​.

• Practice self-care: Make sure you're prioritizing your own mental well-being. Engaging in activities that boost your confidence and self-esteem can help reinforce your sense of self, especially when others are critical. Focus on what makes you feel empowered and connected to your values​
• Set boundaries: If the ridicule from friends or family becomes too much, setting boundaries with them can be helpful. You can explain how the constant criticism impacts you and ask them to respect your partner’s choices. Maintaining these boundaries is key to protecting your relationship and mental health.

Marta, a grandmother who values family traditions, is struggling with her grandson’s bold choices—his blue hair, piercings, and tattoos. Feeling disconnected from him, she tried to "fix" things, but her actions have led to backlash from her family. Here’s her story.