My Marriage Was Perfect Until My Mother-in-Law Interfered With Our Money

“Am I an awful person for telling my fiancé I’ll leave him if he keeps using our money to support his homeless mother, who hid her foreclosure from us for years?” So begins the confession of a woman who discovered that her fiancé had used more than $11,000 in shared money to help his homeless family. Without telling her! Beyond the shock, her story reveals a common but little-talked-about problem: financial infidelity.

What is financial infidelity?

Financial infidelity occurs when a person hides, lies, or makes significant financial decisions without their partner’s knowledge or consent. This can include anything from opening secret credit cards to hiding debts or making large purchases without informing the other person. Even if it does not involve a third party, it can generate the same level of betrayal as emotional infidelity.

Emergency help... Or the start of the problem?

Reddit user “Ericagrava” tells her story of financial infidelity involving her mother-in-law: “My mother-in-law lost her house due to foreclosure. The twist? She never told us for years. My fiancé and I absolutely would have helped if we had known.

We’re not rich by any means, but we would’ve done whatever we could to make sure that she was able to stay in her house, especially because she lives with her severely disabled husband, my fiancé’s father, and her disabled adult daughter. Now they’re all homeless and we’re left scrambling...

When everything came to light, and they got evicted, I immediately got them an extended stay at a hotel and paid for a week in advance. While talking with my fiancé about how they were going to pay to live in the hotel, I was told that their disability check would be used for housing.

But apparently, my fiancé kept paying for their hotel and storage unit, all, using our joint bank account, without telling me. I didn’t notice right away because I have a business that I’m trying to grow, and I’m busy taking care of our child.”

The silent betrayal: I found out that money was missing.

“Yesterday, I finally looked at our finances and saw that over $11,000 was used for all of their stuff, and I completely lost it. I drove to the hotel and told everyone that no more of our money would be used for them. I told my fiancé that if one more cent of our money was used, I would break the engagement and leave.

It’s not that I don’t care about them. I do. But I feel betrayed that she hid the foreclosure from us, let the situation spiral into homelessness, and used me as a personal piggy bank.

This money that we have is to go to our new house that we were supposed to be buying and to my daughter’s school. I also feel disrespected that my fiancé went behind my back and used our money without asking.”

The truth behind the chaos and a second chance?

“We have never had a good relationship with his side of the family. We have been together 13 years, so this isn’t a new relationship. His mother has never really wanted anything to do with our daughter, except for maybe three holidays a year that we go to her.

I moved all the money into my personal account, and he will now have to ask me if he needs any of it.
On another point, he has taken complete responsibility and realizes that he should have spoken to me before taking the money. He figured that because he was going to put it back with the money the in-laws are supposed to be getting (I’m not holding my breath) it wasn’t a big deal, and now realizes it is.

I have not forgiven him, but in all other aspects, he is a great father and a great partner. I told him he needs to start individual therapy and that we need to do couples therapy because I have lost a lot of trust.”

How to overcome or avoid financial infidelity, according to experts.

Overcoming financial infidelity requires more than apologizing: it is about rebuilding trust and preventing it from happening again. Establishing agreements early on can make the difference between a strong relationship and a silent financial crisis.

• Talk openly about money: Have regular conversations about income, spending, and goals.
• Set clear boundaries: Agree on what type of spending requires mutual approval, especially on shared accounts.
• Maintain transparency: Tell the truth, even if you have made a financial mistake, share access, statements, and important decisions.
• Have an emergency fund: Having money in case of emergencies provides peace of mind and prevents debt. Ideally, it should cover three to six months.
• Seek financial or couples counseling if necessary: Outside guidance can help heal the relationship.

Financial infidelity may seem less serious than other betrayals, but its emotional effects are profound. Financial transparency is not just a matter of numbers: it is part of respect and trust as a couple. Sometimes it is disguised as family support and good intentions. The important thing is to recognize boundaries and develop trust in your partner.

Do you think it is possible to have a healthy relationship when your partner’s family crosses boundaries and gets involved in your finances?