My MIL Ruined the Birth of My Son, but It Was Actually My Husband Who Let Me Down
Pregnant women need a safe and calm environment to give birth in. For a new mom, that moment quickly went from peaceful to chaotic in a matter of seconds when her mother-in-law barged into the room. Unfortunately, that had a negative impact on the birth and the woman now blames her husband for what happened. Still in shock, she turned to social media to vent and ask for advice.
“I’m still pretty shocked about what happened 4 days ago.
I’ve never got on with my mother-in-law and have probably met her about 10 times since I’ve been with my partner. My MIL has never liked me, and it’s obvious (she doesn’t speak to me, she ignores me, she leaves me out, if she does speak to me, it’s to say something derogatory).
She started being a bit nicer when my partner and I found out I was expecting. She was very excited for her first grandchild, and we finally had something she would talk to me about. She asked my partner several times if she could be in when I gave birth. That was a firm no, and I didn’t think about it again really until she stormed into the delivery room.
I was in active labor by then, and she suddenly appeared out of nowhere. I’m an incredibly shy and anxious person, and I could not bring myself to ask her to leave myself. I know this is terrible. I presumed my partner would ask her to leave. He didn’t.
Whenever I had an examination I said it was time to go, instead she left the room insisting my partner went with her, so I was alone, and then they would return a bit later. She stayed for hours and I started to feel like I needed to push, but I desperately did not want to push with her in the room. Eventually I just told my partner it was time to ask her to leave, my MIL looked furious. He did, though, and she left.”
"Fast forward to an hour later, the baby was not coming out no matter how hard I pushed and things had started to get panicky in the delivery room. I ended up on my hands and knees in the least dignified position, and then MIL came back into the room. I was mortified. My partner had to get her to leave again.
The pushing wasn’t working, and we ended up in theater. It ended up being a forceps delivery which was extremely traumatic, and I’ve had more stitches than I even feel comfortable with saying. In theater, people kept coming in and saying that my MIL was trying to get in. When we came out of the theater, more people came and said she was trying to get in to see the baby. I was horrified. My partner didn’t think it was as bad as I was making out.
I allowed visits the next day and my mom came first (I made sure of that) and my MIL came slightly later because I told her the wrong visiting times, so my mom could meet the baby first (I know that’s childish, but I felt like after what happened it was the last thing I could do to get my own back). MIL wasn’t happy she wasn’t the first to meet the baby.
Four days later and MIL asks every day to come and see the baby, but I’m absolutely furious at what she did. I’m also trying to establish breastfeeding, and I’m anxious and vulnerable, and I don’t want her around. She keeps telling my partner I’m mean and horrible, keeping her away from the baby. I don’t know what to do.
I’ve spoken to my partner about it, but I haven’t pushed it about how upset I am about it all because I’m trying to enjoy time with my baby. I feel really let down by him for not sticking up for me more and keeping her out properly. I feel confused about medical staff not keeping her away when I said I didn’t want her in there.
One of the midwives said to me after the birth that the reason the labor went so badly was probably a lot to do with how stressful I was finding it having MIL in the room when I didn’t want her there, and honestly, I feel like that’s true."
People in the comments were quick to share their opinion and advice on how the new mom should proceed, as well as express their unconditional support for her.
- Ask the midwife to talk to your husband. Have her explain how your MIL’s selfishness could have harmed both you and your child. Have her explain how much smoother the birth would have been without the stress of someone invading your hospital room against your wishes.
What she did was despicable. Birth is a medical procedure, and she had no right or reason to be there. This needs to be explained to your husband, and she should not be allowed around you or your child until you have recovered from the trauma, and she has sincerely apologized. If you never feel comfortable having her around your child, that is absolutely understandable and your husband will just have to deal.
If she was this comfortable smashing through your boundaries like this, consider what she’ll do when told not to feed the baby a certain thing or not kiss the baby’s face. She has absolutely no respect for you, and she will not respect your parenting choices. © MaddTheSimmer / Reddit
- I’d have a talk with your husband about how your MIL’s actions affected you (stressing you out, causing difficulties with the labor, making you feel vulnerable, etc). Share what the midwife said as well. She completely disrespected you at one of your most vulnerable moments and had absolutely zero regard for the consequences that had on you. He needs to be the one to lay down the law with his mother and tell her to act like an adult or be content with watching her grandchild grow up via Facebook photos.
She can’t be trusted to respect your wishes, and that’s going to extend to how you and your husband choose to parent your child. The boundaries have to be set NOW and, since it’s his mother, it needs to come from him. You two are a team, and he needs to have your back. I’d also keep her at a distance until things settle down, if you can. © AltruisticBathroom / Reddit
- I’m a breastfeeding support worker, and it is imperative that you are not stressed for the first few weeks of breastfeeding. If your mother-in-law is causing you stress, then you shouldn’t have her there, whether your husband agrees or not. © justnognomes / Reddit
- That’s terrible. No wonder you are traumatized and furious. I think it is important that you sit your husband down and explain exactly how out of order his mother was.
She has given birth, so she knows how badly she crossed the line, and she didn’t care. It was all about her. She took away a precious experience and turned it into a source of trauma. I am so sorry you went through this. © GrannyW3atherwax15 / Reddit
Family dynamics are complex and issues often arise. Patience is key, but sometimes it runs out. That’s exactly what happened to a woman who had to deal with her stepmom’s hurtful antics for a long time. She finally decided to act on it, but now her stepmom won’t talk to her, and she wants to know whether she overreacted. So she turned to the internet for advice.