My Son Banned Me From Seeing My Grandkids, So I Finally Taught Him the Lesson He Needed

Parents spend their lives giving without keeping score. They often pour everything they have into their children but what happens when they say no? Betsy (64, F) wrote to us about the painful decision she had to make when her son did the unexpected.

This is Betsy’s story:

I raised my son on my own. His father left when he was young, and from then on it was just the two of us. I worked double shifts, came home exhausted, and still made dinner, checked his homework, and stayed up late when he was sick. Every dream I had began and ended with him. So when he wanted to buy his first house, I was proud to help. I dipped into my savings, co-signed his loan, and watched him move in with a sense of pride I can’t describe.

A betrayal that I never expected.

Years later, he came to me again. This time, he wanted me to co-sign another loan, a bigger one. I looked at the numbers and knew it wasn’t safe. I told him gently that I couldn’t do it. He didn’t take it well. He yelled at me to “stay out of his life,” and then walked out. A few days later, he told me not to come by anymore, not to see my grandchildren. He was punishing me for saying no.

When he needed me, he expected me to forget everything.

A month passed. Then one afternoon, my phone rang. My son was on the other end. “Mom, my sitter quit. Can you please watch the kids?” I was angry but not at my grandkids so I said okay. The next day I showed up with bags full of their favorite toys, clothes, and snacks. The moment I knew I did the right thing...but my son’s betrayal still played on my mind.

As a mother, I knew I had to teach my son.

When my son came home that evening, he seemed a little embarrassed but he didn’t apologize, instead he just asked me if I could come again tomorrow. That’s when I knew what I had to do. I looked at him and said, “I’m moving two hours away. You said I couldn’t see my grandkids, so now you’ll be the one doing the driving.”

My message was heard, loud and clear.

It’s been a few months now but a lot has changed. We’re slowly finding our way back to each other. My son calls more often now. I see the kids every other weekend, and he never forgets to thank me. It took time and heartbreak, but he finally learned that entitlement can have consequences. I’m just sorry I waited till adulthood to teach him!

Dear Betsy, Thank you so much for sharing your story with us. It takes real courage to talk about something so painful. It’s heartbreaking when the love and care you’ve given are treated like something owed instead of something cherished but we’re glad you stood your ground and opened up the path to healing.

Here’s our advice:

• Don’t let your children dictate how you live your life: A mother’s sacrifice isn’t often glorified but you deserve to live your life too...especially when you have adult children. It’s important to find a purpose beyond motherhood.
• Know that your time is valuable too: It’s okay to babysit your grandkids but know the worth of your time. Don’t drop everything just because your son calls. When you respect your time, he will too.
• Don’t ever tolerate disrespect: It was never okay for your son to ben you from seeing your grandkids. Creating consequences for his disrespectful behaviour taught him that entitlement will only lead to a withdrawal of benefits.

Do you ever feel like your love and time are being taken for granted by your adult children? Perhaps your golden years have become an endless cycle of helping, or you’ve found it hard to set boundaries with family. Share your experience in the comments — you might comfort someone who feels exactly the same.

Here’s another story about a grandma who was taken for granted.