My Son-in-Law Needs a Wake-Up Call—I’m Not an On-Call Babysitter

When Gretchen’s daughter passed, babysitting her grandson was a way to hold on. But after her son-in-law remarried, things shifted. What began as love turned into obligation, and one confrontation left her fearing she might lose the last piece of her daughter forever.

Dear Bright Side,

After my daughter passed, everything felt empty. The only thing that made sense was her son. I helped take care of him. Babysat when needed. Picked him up. Spent time with him. It kept me close to her.

He lived with his dad. That was fine. I told myself I’d do whatever I could to help. I wanted to. I didn’t keep track of hours. Didn’t think about whether it was too much. I just said yes.

Then he remarried. And things started to feel different. They took over more, which I expected. But the way they asked me to help started changing. It wasn’t really asking anymore, it was telling, “We have plans, you’ll babysit.” Like my time didn’t matter.

One day he called and said, “We have plans, and you’ll babysit my son and stepson.” Just like that. No question. No choice. I felt used, like I was just a free service.

So I decided to say something. I went over to their place and told them, “I’m not your free babysitter. Respect my time. Either you pay me, or I don’t do it any more.”

They were furious. His wife crossed her arms. He said I was selfish. Then he said if I kept it up, he would cut me off from my grandson.

Now I don’t know what to think. My grandson is my last piece of my daughter. Losing him would destroy me.

I don’t care about the money. I never did. I just want respect. I just don’t want to feel invisible.

Did I handle it wrong? Am I being unreasonable? Or is this the only way to stand up for myself?

Sincerely yours,
Gretchen

Gretchen’s words reveal both her deep love for her grandson and the pain of feeling taken for granted. Her struggle is one many grandparents quietly face. Before looking at what steps might help her move forward, it’s worth pausing to understand the heart of her dilemma.

Show love while asking for respect.

Gretchen, you’ve already voiced your feelings, and while it may have come out bluntly, that shows how much the situation was weighing on you. Now the challenge is to revisit the conversation with a calmer tone. Make it clear that your concern isn’t money, but respect and appreciation.

You can acknowledge that your words may have sounded harsh, but emphasize that your heart is in the right place. Shifting the focus to love for your grandson could help them truly listen.

Talk openly about what you really need.

Even if you don’t want payment, it’s important to be clear that your time and energy aren’t limitless. Babysitting is an act of love, but love doesn’t mean you should feel taken for granted. “Free” childcare still costs you effort, and it’s okay to say so.

Talk to your son-in-law and his wife about what you really need in return. Maybe it’s respect, gratitude, or being included more in family life. By being honest about what matters most to you, you set healthier terms without putting money on the table.

Say no without feeling guilty.

One way to protect both your time and your relationship is to set clear limits on when you’re available. Decide what days or times you’re willing to help, and be upfront about when you’re not. That way, everyone knows what to expect.

Once you’ve set those limits, follow through. If you make exceptions too often, the agreement won’t hold. By keeping to your word, you show that your time matters too. This doesn’t mean you’re unwilling, it just means you’re not on call 24/7.

Gretchen isn’t the only grandma caught between love and limits. One woman’s daughter-in-law expected her to babysit for free, until she decided to set the record straight in a surprising way. If Gretchen’s story resonated with you, you’ll want to read this article, too.