My Stepdaughter Treats Her Dad Like a Piggy Bank—So I Took Matters Into My Own Hands

In blended families, it’s not unusual for parents to disagree on how to raise their children. One of our readers, Colleen, finds herself in exactly this situation. Her husband insists on financially supporting his 19-year-old daughter, who is currently pregnant and already raising two young children. She, however, believes it’s time for her stepdaughter to step up and take accountability for her choices instead of relying on others. This difference in perspective caused tensions to boil over—and now, Colleen is opening up about how it all spiralled out of control.

This is what Colleen had to say:

Hi Bright Side,

I’m writing to you because I’m stuck between heartbreak and hard truth, and I don’t know what to do next. I never imagined I’d be this kind of person, but here I am—second-guessing everything and sleeping in a house that suddenly feels empty.

My stepdaughter is 19. She already has two children with two different men—neither of whom are in the picture—and now she’s pregnant with a third. She doesn’t work. She barely helps out at home. And worst of all, she seems to expect her father to bankroll her entire life without so much as a thank-you.

Every time she calls, it’s the same story: She’s behind on rent, she needs diapers, or she wants money for “emergencies” that sound suspiciously like weekend plans. My husband jumps to help her, no questions asked. He says she’s just “going through a phase,” but this phase is draining us—emotionally and financially.

She tried to warn him.

I’ve tried to talk to my husband calmly about setting boundaries. But he shuts down or says I’m being heartless. So one night, after another argument over him transferring money to her yet again, I snapped. “If you can’t discipline her, I will,” I told him. And I meant it.

I didn’t want to keep fighting. I wanted a solution—something long-term and grounded. So I emptied our shared savings account and used the money to put a down payment on a small flat nearby. I figured we could rent it out or even use it in retirement. Mostly, I did it because I knew that if he didn’t have the money, he couldn’t keep throwing it at a black hole. Was it sneaky? Absolutely. But it was the only way I saw to protect both our future and our peace of mind.

Her husband found out and made a drastic decision.

A few days later, I came home to find my things packed. Everything. Sitting by the door. There was a note: “If you’re so determined to make decisions on your own, you can live on your own too—in the new flat you bought.” I was stunned. Heartbroken. I hadn’t expected him to go this far.

That same evening, my stepdaughter called me. Not to apologise. Not to ask what happened. But to say, “You can’t expect my dad to turn his back on his only daughter!” There was no sense of guilt or gratitude in her voice—just entitlement. Like, I was the villain in this story for not wanting to endlessly fund her mistakes.

Now, she doesn’t know what to do.

Right now, I’m still in our home. My husband barely looks at me. I’ve tried to explain why I did what I did, but he says he can’t trust me anymore. And yet—deep down, I don’t regret buying the flat.

I just wish he could see that I wasn’t trying to hurt him. I was trying to help him stand up for himself... and for us. So, what do I do now? Should I wait for him to come around? Or have I already lost him to his daughter’s chaos for good?

Thank you so much for sharing your story with us, Colleen. We’ve prepared 4 pieces of expert advice that we think may help you.

1. Consider couples counselling.

Considering the emotional and financial tension between you and your husband, bringing in a neutral third party could make a big difference. A counsellor or mediator can guide a calm, constructive conversation to help you both unpack the deeper issues at play.

With professional support, you may be able to better understand each other’s viewpoints, rebuild communication, and work toward a solution that respects your concerns as well as your husband’s sense of responsibility toward his daughter.

2. Reconsider your approach to money and communication.

Try having an open and honest conversation with your husband about financial choices and future planning. Since you used the shared savings without telling him, it’s important to rebuild trust by creating a system you both agree on for managing money going forward.

You could consider separating personal funds from joint expenses—perhaps by keeping individual accounts for personal use and a shared account for household costs—so that all financial decisions are clear and agreed upon by both of you.

3. Have an open and honest talk with your stepdaughter.

Speaking with her directly about the current situation might help clear the air. Sharing how her expectations have affected your relationship with her father—and how you’ve been feeling—could lead to better mutual understanding.

Be clear about your intentions and worries, but also take the time to hear her side. This kind of conversation might help you both find common ground and move forward more respectfully.

4. Think about temporarily moving out to gain perspective.

If things continue to feel tense and conversations aren’t going anywhere, stepping away for a little while might give both you and your husband the space to process everything more clearly. Some physical distance can ease emotional pressure and allow time for honest reflection.

During this break, consider what’s most important to you and whether there’s a way forward that honours both your priorities and his responsibilities.

Claudia, another stepmother facing family strain, found herself in a difficult spot when her 32-year-old stepdaughter moved back in after losing her job. Claudia made it clear that paying rent was expected—but her stance triggered an unexpected chain of events. She’s now come to us for guidance. You can read her story here.