16 Witty People Who Know How to Get What They Want

Smart and witty people can easily cope with everyday problems. Inquiring mind and ingenuity come to the rescue when standard solutions don’t work. How to throw out a heavy old door, or to get rid of annoying traveling companions, or pull off a clever trick at a job interview, or get a desired job. It can be anything.

• My nephew had some of Starbucks chai once and loved it, but later refused homemade chai that was caffeine free and low sugar. Now when my mom makes it for him, she puts it in the Starbucks cup, and he’s none the wiser! © ChloeMomo / Reddit
• A guy I know was applying for a position of a manager. At the interview, they gave him a task, “Sell me this pen.” And he had a cool trick for this case: to unscrew the pen, put $5 inside, and sell it to the recruiter for $1.
  He twists it this way and that, when suddenly the Parker breaks. The table is covered in ink, the candidate is in silent horror. And the boss just bursts out laughing, “Well, now I’ll definitely have to buy a new pen.” The guy got the job, though. © technolamas / Pikabu
• When I was working in a company, my friend asked me to get a job there who is from the same profession as mine. He is a very talented guy, but you know how these corporate cults can be, only talent doesn’t work, you need a good reference as well. Also, I wanted him in my team so instead of following the standard procedure (emailing his CV to HR), I contacted HR personally, invited her to lunch.
  Then we started talking and I put my case forth. I was in all praise for my friend that how good he is and great it would be for both company and colleagues to have him, will increase in efficiency and productivity... blah blah! Suddenly, HR played the bouncer, “Is he better than you?”
  Now this is a tricky question more than you can think. If you say yes, your friend may or may not get the job, but you will definitely lose your credibility and confidence in their eyes. If you say no,
  high chances of your friend losing the job and you coming out as an insecure, egoistic person.
  So I played my master stroke. My answer, “Well, I don’t compare myself to others but only to myself and now that I think about it, we are complimentary to each other, we help in realizing each other’s full potential. It’s like a tag-team.”
  Highly impressed was HR. Did he get the job? Absolutely! My team? You bet! © Ankit Aggarwal / Quora

• I pick up my daughter from daycare, and she is weeping loudly. Through her tears, she explains, “Irene told me that I will never have such a cool doll as hers. I don’t deserve it.” We rush to the shop and I buy her the same doll.
  When we get home, my daughter is totally happy, and I proudly tell my wife about everything. And my wife says, surprised, that there is no girl named Irene in the daycare. © ironMen19 / Pikabu
• Years ago, I was in one of those personality classes that big offices sometimes offer in an attempt to help you understand yourself and your coworkers’ thing. You go through little tests and quizzes, you get the idea. The presenter drew one of those 3D-looking cubes on the board and asked us how many sides does a box have.
  Some people said 6, some people asked if the box was open, it all had to do with our individual perspectives and how we see things differently, blah blah. I leaned back with the smuggest smirk that has ever besmirked a besmugged face and confidently announced that a box has 2 sides. I waited for the blank stares to quiet down, and elaborated, “An inside and an outside.” The astonished gasps at my profound critical-thinking skills never came. © Accelerant_84 / Reddit
• If you put something down temporarily, say out loud, “I’ve put the screwdriver by the microwave” or whatever. This engages many more areas of the brain (particularly the language centers) which creates a richer memory, making it less likely you’ll forget where you put it. © PlasticRuester / Reddit
• 4 y.o.: I don’t want tacos!
  Me: Oh, I’m not making you a taco, you are getting a Mexican sandwich!
  4 y.o.: Oh okay, I love those!
  Proceeds to eat tacos with the rest of the family. © Rhinomeat / Reddit

• My cat has learned how to open the fridge. At night, he and my other cat had a feast: they ate sausage, fried rice and chicken.
  At first, I scolded my husband, saying that he didn’t close the fridge door tight enough in the evening, but the cat blew his cover when he opened the door again in the morning to finish what was left. Furry, always hungry monsters! I’m on my way to get locks for the fridge! © Overheard / Ideer
• When I don’t want to talk to annoying fellow travelers, I pretend to not be able to speak or understand English. So I say, “I don’t understand you” and then I gibber in Korean. I also just plug in my earbuds, as I always have them with me. © Sylvie Son / Quora
• A bunch of cousins decided to visit me. They were passing through my town, so they wanted to sleep over at my place. I said, “Fine, but the fridge at home is empty, bring a bag of potatoes and more meat. For you, me and my Cinderella.”
  They’re like, “Who the hell is that?” And me, “That’s my snake. A 10-foot-long ball python!” They muttered something and then silence... © Overheard / Ideer
• My wife read somewhere that if you put something in your cart but don’t buy it, the merchant will often send an offer to you to purchase it at a lower price. She does it every time now. Unless she thinks the item will sell out... in which case she just buys it. © inconclusivehush / Reddit

• My grandfather is 84 years old, and his neighbor is well into his nineties, but he still has a clear mind. My grandfather asked him how he manages to do it. The neighbor opened his secret to him: all his life, he has put socks and shoes on his left foot first.
  “And what’s the point?” Grandpa asked. “It’s that you always have to think about it, your mind is always on!” I’ve tried it, and I couldn’t, it’s always wind in my head. © Overheard / Ideer
• If someone keeps coming to your desk to bother you, you continue to talk to him, but get up and walk back to his desk together so that he will stop disturbing you. © Karissa Lee / Quora
• If at a work meeting a discussion reaches a dead end, I say, “I think we should sleep on this issue and come back to it the next meeting with possible solutions.” I say it especially if I don’t have any solution at hand and don’t even understand what the discussion is about. © 1tatai1 / Pikabu

• My grandfather moved into a new apartment and ordered a new door. They installed the new door, and left the old one next to it. My grandfather doesn’t need it, but he doesn’t want to leave it in the stairwell either. He couldn’t carry it out alone.
  The next morning, the door was gone. And all because the witty grandfather took a marker and wrote a note on a piece of paper, “Do not throw away the door, I’ll pick it up later.” He pushed the door closer to the elevator so that it was seen better, and went on doing his errands. © V2M8Ch / Pikabu
• I convinced all the guests who often come to my house that it is our custom to do dishes at once (allegedly so that our small children, watching this, got accustomed to cleaning). And that this rule should never be broken because the children, seeing unwashed dishes, also stop cleaning after themselves because they think that mum should do this for them.
  At first, there were a lot of questions from the guests, but then everyone started to follow this rule. Now I don’t have to wash a mountain of dishes every time... Success! © Overheard / Ideer

And here’s another bunch of cool lifehacks from witty people. Check it out.