I Refuse to Let My MIL See My Baby Unless She Follows My 3 Rules

Being a mom means making tough decisions. And sometimes, that includes protecting your kids, not just from strangers, but from family. I never imagined I’d have to put limits on how often my son sees his grandmother. But now I’ve realized: if my mother-in-law wants to be part of my baby’s life, she needs to follow my three rules.

Hi Bright Side readers! Please, help me determine if I’m in the wrong here because I’m lost.

When I became a mom, I expected my MIL to help with the baby and do some chores. New moms deserve support and understanding, right?

Instead, I got 24/7 judgment, constant guilt trips, and advice I never asked for.

Before we even got pregnant, my MIL would encourage us to “start a family”, hinting that she would help us out later when the baby comes. But, nope.

She just shows up unannounced, questions every choice I make—Why do you bottle-feed? Why is the baby sleeping alone? Vegan food is bad for you, and even tried to tell me that I should be “more present” for my baby.

At first, I let it slide. I told myself she meant well.

Things got worse.

Soon, my MIL started coming over too frequently. I wouldn’t mind it if she were actually being helpful, but she only comes to play with the baby till it’s convenient. One diaper emergency, and she hands the baby right back, even if I’m napping after being awake all night.

But then, my blood boiled when I found out she was secretly trying to stir up drama between my husband and me, telling him that I could “do a better job” of being a mom by not going out and leaving the baby with a babysitter.

I realized something needed to change. I want to raise my baby in a loving, respectful home—and anyone who can’t support that doesn’t get a free pass, even if they’re family.

I asked my MIL to follow my 3 rules if she wants to continue coming over.

Sounds a bit harsh, but they were simply basic necessities. To elaborate:

1. Respect Our Parenting Choices
This is non-negotiable. I don’t expect her to agree with every decision we make, but I do expect her to respect it. That means no backhanded comments, no going behind our backs, and no guilt-tripping us.

If I say bedtime is 8 p.m., that’s it. If I say no more playtime or cartoons, don’t sneak it to my son. She may have raised her own kids, but this is MY baby.

2. No Drama or Arguments
I grew up around yelling and tension, my mother having to sacrifice everything for her kids, and I refuse to repeat that cycle for my children. If she has an issue with me or my husband, she can talk to us privately.

No passive-aggressive remarks, no sarcastic jabs, and definitely no shouting. Our home is a safe space, and I intend to keep it that way.

3. Stick to Our House Rules
Whether she’s visiting us or staying over, the rules stay the same. That means screen time limits, healthy vegan meals, and manners still apply.

I’m not asking for perfection—I’m asking for consistency. When the adults are on the same page, the kids feel safe and secure. And that’s more important than any ego or tradition.

My husband is on my side but my MIL thinks I’m being unreasosnable.

To be honest, I was nervous about bringing this up to my husband. It’s his mom, after all.

But after I explained how her behavior was impacting me and the baby, he understood. He even admitted he’d been avoiding the issue to keep the peace, but now sees that silence only made things worse for me. We agreed on the rules together and presented them to her as a united front.

But my MIL was furious. She accused me of turning her son against her and trying to “keep her grandchildren away.” I stayed calm. I told her we loved her and wanted her in our lives—but only in a way that felt healthy for everyone.

She told us she felt “humiliated” and hasn’t visited since. Was I in the wrong in any way? My intention was only to protect my mental health.

“When I said ‘I do’ a year ago, I never imagined my biggest challenge wouldn’t be my husband, but his overbearing mother...” another young woman wrote to us regarding her situation with her MIL. Read it here: I Kicked My MIL Out of Our House to Protect My Marriage