After getting married and establishing our household, we cherish our privacy and tranquility. However, Cynthia, a young newlywed, frequently faces surprise visits from her in-laws. Her husband insists that she be accommodating and respectful because his parents contributed to buying their home. Feeling overwhelmed, Cynthia has shared her complete story with us.
you are right!!!! Tell yourr husband to make a choice, you or them !!!!!!! 10 to 1 he will choose them, because he figured you'll never leave !!! Go pack right now, have someplace lined up to stay (preferably at his expense, but not necessarily with his knowledge -- if he doesn't choose you, just turn around, go get in your car, where you've already loaded your stuff anf just leave -- take your pets, if any, and clear out !!!
We’ve put together four different pieces of advice to assist Cynthia in handling this sensitive situation.
I don't care what they helped with, it doesn't give them the right to show up unannounced or destroy your house. Your mil is condescending and seems to enjoy the fact that your husband has no backbone when it comes to her. I would have a serious talk with my husband and tell him how I feel. If he continues to stick up for his mom or gets upset then it's time to reevaluate your marriage. I would also have a talk with the In-laws, set boundaries, and stick to them. Oh yeah, make sure that they pay you for whatever damages that were caused by them allowing the children to run rampant. They didn't help you two out of kindness, it seems like they did it to be able to hold it over both of your heads.
Have an open discussion with your husband about how his parents’ visits are affecting you. Suggest a compromise by agreeing on some guidelines for their visits. For example, you could decide that his parents can visit once a week, but they need to leave by a certain time.
This approach allows him to understand your concerns and take a proactive role in managing the situation.
Have a conversation with your in-laws to address the situation. Clearly communicate your expectations for their visits, such as setting specific hours and limiting how long they stay. Explain how the late-night visits and disruptive behavior are impacting your home life. Propose scheduling visits at times that work for everyone, like on weekends or designated family days.
While expressing gratitude for their help in purchasing the house, stress that you need your home to be a place where you feel comfortable and in control.
To tackle the problem of your nephews damaging your expensive couch and using watercolors on your carpet, set up a specific play area for them. Designate a corner of the living room or another room with kid-friendly furniture, toys, and art materials. Use protective mats or washable rugs to avoid any mess.
Let your husband and in-laws know that this space is for the children to play freely, which will help maintain order in the rest of your home. This solution shows you’re considering the children’s needs while safeguarding your belongings.
Exercise patience, but if the situation doesn’t improve, you may need to enforce stricter rules for your home, potentially even completely limiting your in-laws’ visits. There’s no need to sever ties completely, but maintaining your peace of mind is crucial.
Discuss the matter with your husband to understand his viewpoint, and don’t hesitate to express your thoughts. You can still spend time with your in-laws by meeting at their house or in a neutral location at a mutually agreed-upon time.
Here’s another story about the conflict between a daughter-in-law and her mother-in-law. Despite the bride’s request for an all-vegan menu at her wedding, the mother-in-law secretly arranged for a barbecue. The bride was livid, leading to chaos on the wedding day. Read the complete story here.
I'd say "you can come when you're invited, but this is our house and we've gone to a lot of effort to get it the way we like it. Then show up at their house an hour before they come to yours and stay until they have been yawning for 10 minutes. Repeat every night for a week or they call a truce.
