When divorced parents still share financial control over their adult child’s life, tensions can spill over into everyday decisions. Situations like split loyalties, family conflict, and pressure to “choose sides” leave many caught between love, money, and independence.
Hello Bright Side!
So, quick backstory: my parents are divorced and hate each other’s guts. Like, decades-old, still simmering rage kind of hate. I live alone in an apartment that both of them help me out with financially. Yeah, I know, messy situation already.
Anyway, my dad recently asked if his girlfriend, who my mom obviously despises just by existing, could stay at my place while she was in town for some event. I figured it was no big deal, I’m an adult, it’s my space, and I wanted to be cool about it. So I said yes.
Big mistake. Mom found out and completely lost it. Like a full meltdown, calling me a “traitor” type of energy. Then, a couple of days later, I got a disturbing call from dad, “Your mom can’t stand the idea of her being in a house she’s paying for.”
Dad also helps me financially, and now he’s hinting that his girlfriend should feel free to stay over whenever. So basically, I’ve got Mom furious on one side, Dad laying expectations on the other, and me stuck in the middle just trying to not implode.
But the problem is, they both still hold financial strings over my life, and I don’t know how to set boundaries. What do I even do here? Do I set a hard boundary even though I’m financially dependent? Or just suck it up and deal with their drama, because they are my parents?
Thank you in advance,
Katerina.
Thanks for opening up about your story, Katerina. We know that’s not easy. We pulled together some pieces of advice that might give you perspective or at least make you feel less alone in it. Hopefully something here clicks and helps you figure out your next move.
cut the apron strings to both parents. You're financially dependent on them? or are you independant financially? if the latter is true, get a life! say no to dads gf. she can get a room in a hotel. Tell mom to see a shrink, she's still not over him.
You know how your dad’s like, “Well, I help pay, so...” and your mom’s basically doing the same? That’s the price of their money, strings. If you want zero interference, the only way out is financial independence, even if that means downgrading your lifestyle. Might suck short-term, but freedom feels better than being stuck in the crossfire.
You don’t owe either of them a permanent decision right now. It’s totally fine to say, “Hey, this situation is stressing me out. No guests for now.” It buys you breathing room while you figure out your plan. People think boundaries have to be forever, nah, they can be temporary shields too.
Honestly, pay attention to which parent respects your boundaries more. Like, if you say “no,” who listens? That’s the one you can lean on a bit more. The one who bulldozes your feelings? That’s where you start pulling back. Their behavior tells you a lot about who’s actually showing up as a parent.
Finding balance in divided families is never simple, but it is possible. With clear boundaries and small steps toward independence, many discover a way to protect their peace while still keeping important connections intact.
Pay your own damn bills like an adult or get an apartment you can actually afford!! Then no one can tell you who stays or who goes! Your Dad thinks it's his so girlfriend gets to be there whenever and mom thinks she can decide who's there cause she pays. There's no way out but to grow up and pay your own bills!
Why in the world can't the dad girlfriend stay with the dad? That seems weirdly simple. Mom needs some big time therapy on the regular though. Her parents have been split forever and her mom blowing up still losing all control is way out there
I think that regardless of who's paying the bills and why it's her home. I think you have to have an open visitor rule or a no visitor rule and that includes Mum, Dad and Gf. Your parents also need to both grow up and stop putting you in the middle. It shows a lack of respect for you and it's really unfair.
