I Let My Dying Ex-Wife Move In—Now, I’m Badly Regretting It

Showing empathy and offering help to those in need is a true reflection of kindness. One Bright Side reader, Mark, opened up about stepping in to support his ex-wife after she was diagnosed with cancer. But now, he's questioning that decision—because of the unexpected behavior of her daughter.

Here is Mark’s letter.

I let my ex-wife move in after an end-stage cancer diagnosis. We were married a longtime back, and just for a couple of years. We had no children, and later, I remarried, only to get divorced again. I had two children with my second ex-wife, who are now in college, and we are all on good terms.

Since I lived alone, and my ex-wife was struggling during her last days, I offered her a roof over her head, so that she could be comfortable. She got her daughter to care for her. Both of them moved in, and things seemed fine. It was a tough few months for everyone, but I was happy that I was able to help her out. She passed weeks ago, but her daughter shows no signs of leaving. I finally told her to pack her bags, but she replied that she had nowhere to go.

She’s more than 30 years old, and frankly, she’s simply not my responsibility. My ex-wife had her almost a decade after our divorce, so she’s no relation to me. I let her stay on for a few weeks to allow her time to mourn her mother, but now it seems she’s simply taking advantage of free shelter and food.

A couple of days ago, I gave her a final warning to either leave on her own, or I will get her evicted, and she broke down, begging me to let her stay on. I gave her another week, and she’s giving me mournful looks, like I’m in the wrong. Did I do something wrong?

Mark

Dear Mark, firstly, let us say, you did a wonderful thing by letting your dying ex-wife spend her last days in peace. As far as your current situation is, here’s what we think you can do.

Have a clear, non-confrontational communication.

Honest, open communication is often the first step toward resolving tough situations—and it sounds like it may be time for a serious conversation regarding your ex-wife’s daughter. Before you let emotions sway your judgment, remind yourself: she’s an adult, and ultimately, her well-being is not your responsibility.

If you’re still inclined to help, consider speaking with her directly—ideally in the presence of her family. Are her grandparents, siblings, father, or other relatives available to support this conversation and encourage her to take responsibility for her own life?

Define boundaries and take legal help, if required.

It may feel difficult to say out loud, but you’re completely justified in wanting to avoid uncomfortable or inappropriate situations—especially since you’re neither responsible for nor related to your ex-wife’s daughter.

Her staying on seems more a ploy of getting food and shelter for free, and plus, you only allowed her to move in for her mother’s sake. Make it clear that it’s your house and that she needs to leave your home within the stipulated time, or face the consequences. If she continues to resist leaving, it may be necessary to involve law enforcement or explore legal options to protect your space and peace of mind.

Give your well-being the priority.

Remember that self-care is important. Having your ex-wife move in, and providing end-of-life palliative care to her, must have taken a toll on you as well. You need to heal to be able to move forward, and having your ex-wife’s daughter around is only adding to the stress in your life. Shuck any guilt that you have, given she’s an adult and not a daughter or stepdaughter.

If you’re concerned about her well-being, encouraging her to seek therapy or grief counseling could be a meaningful step toward helping her build a stronger foundation for the future. Should you choose to offer support or help her find shelter or even a job, it’s essential to do so with clear and firm boundaries. But that’s completely up to you; just remember that you don’t “owe” her anything.

Not all kind gestures result in desired endings. Here’s another such story of a woman who tried to be a good friend but ended up as the villain instead.