I Lied to My Son About His Mother— Years Later, It Ruined Our Family

Adopting a child provides them with a new, loving home. It offers a place of trust and honesty. But, in some cases, like Jenny’s, the truth may be too much to bear for a child. So, she did what she thought was best, and protected her son from a harsh reality.

This is Jenny’s story.

Dear Bright Side,

I adopted my son when he was only 5 years old. I found out that his mom abandoned him to live with another man that refused to accept her son. Rather than tell him the truth, I lied and said that she passed away when he was 2 years old.

Right now, he’s a grown adult, finishing college. He came back last week from his dorms for a visit. I thought he’d be happy and welcome us with a smile, but he looked angry.

Turns out, he accidentally found out the truth about his mother. He ran off and disappeared for days.

When he came back, he burst into tears and handed me an obituary. He said, “You lied to me about
my mom. She passed away 5 years ago. You stole every chance I had to know her!”

I’m not sure if I was right to hide his past from him. I just didn’t want to hurt him. What should I tell him?

Jenny F.

Maybe he should’ve known the truth earlier.

Thank you for sharing your story with us, Jenny. Every adoptive parent wishes to keep their child safe from any hurtful information about their past. Nonetheless, at some point, they must know where their biological parents are.

Experts have even recommended that you tell your adopted child all they need to know from the first day they arrive to your house. They’re owed more information as they get older, especially before going to college. Otherwise, they might resent you for hiding their past from them, like in your situation.

Tell him your true intentions.

You never meant to hurt your son. His biological mother did a terrible thing, and you were only trying to protect him. He needs to know that you never meant to conceal his mother’s past out of spite but only out of love and devotion to him.

Cooperate with him to find his past.

When he’s ready, you can offer to help him piece together his history. Do you have any old photos? Do you know anything about her family? Saying, “I will help you find out anything you want to know about her, if I can,” shows you are on his side now.

Since he’s a grown man now, your job is no longer to shield your son from the truth. He can now handle exploring his past with your lending hand. He will be grateful for your help. Just look at how this adoptive son honors his mother during his wedding day, despite the circumstances.