I Refuse to Be My Family’s Free Lawyer, I’m Done Being Used

When choosing a profession, most of us understand that our family will want to get something out of us. Some will use us for financial gain, others will call upon us to help in a time of need, but none of them understand the toll it puts on our relationships with them. One of our readers, Jonathan, shared his story.

Jonathan reached out to us for advice.

Dear Bright Side,

Becoming a lawyer has been a lifelong dream for me, and I worked very hard to achieve it. But since I got my degree, my relatives have been treating me like their personal attorney. At first, I was happy to help them out. But things changed really quickly.

At every family gathering, someone would hand me papers to “just take a quick look.” Or they would call me late at night to get “free legal advice.” It was a daunting time in my life where I actually started avoiding my family altogether because it was becoming too much.

Soon it became clear that they were no longer requesting help, they were demanding it. I kept quiet in order to keep the peace, but that didn’t last long at all. Things blew up when my cousin got into some serious trouble and my aunt insisted I represent him in court. Of course, she couldn’t pay.

For once, I stood up for myself and said no. But when they heard my response, my whole family turned on me. They said I was being selfish and ungrateful for not being there for my cousin when he needed me the most.

A week after all this trouble began, I found out that my cousin had approached my family behind my back. He told all our relatives that I had finally agreed to take in his case. I was shocked to say the least, especially since I hadn’t spoken to him at all in that time.

I started receiving phone calls and messages from my family members praising and thanking me. They said I was “saving” my cousin and that they would never forget what I had done in the name of family. I was horrified.

Things got even worse when they started spreading the word, telling everyone they knew that I would be defending my cousin in court. I tried to correct them, but none of them were willing to listen to what I had to say.

I hadn't agreed to anything, yet they're spreading this story like a wildfire, and I'm trapped in the middle of their lie. The pressure became too much to bear. So at our next family gathering, I got up and told them all that I never agreed to any of this.

I focused my attention on my cousin, and he just casually shrugged. He admitted to telling the family this story because it “sounded better than saying no one was willing to help.” I was furious but at the same time I kind of felt bad for the guy.

So, Bright Side, was it wrong for me to expose his lie to our entire family? Should I just help him because no one else wants to?

Regards,
Jonathan B.

Some advice from our Editorial team.

Dear Jonathan,

Thank you for reaching out to us and sharing your story. We know it can be difficult to deal with family, but it’s even worse when they put you in a position like this.

Your cousin should own up to his mistakes and move on. Saying no one is willing to help him is a lie that he’s using to try and manipulate you. The court offers everyone a chance to defend themselves in the best possible way. That’s why they have court-appointed attorneys.

It would be much better for him to try and work with one of them instead of asking you to put your career in jeopardy because of his mistakes. It proves that he sees you as nothing more than a shoulder to cry on. And if you let it slip now, matters will only get worse.

If your family gets upset because you don’t want to defend him, it’s their choice. If they can’t respect your career or your right to make your own decisions, maybe it’s best for you to go low or no contact with them.

Jonathan’s story proves that not everyone has your best interests at heart. And when that ball lands on your family, it can be a tricky situation to deal with. But Jonathan isn’t the only one with family struggles.

Another one of our readers, Sarah, told us about how her family left her out of their vacation because she was having financial difficulties. Read the full story here.