I Refuse to Give Up My Career With Zero Safety Net

A woman with a high-paying career is faced with an impossible choice. Her fiancé’s wealthy family thinks her salary is a problem, and they want her to quit working after marriage. But when she asked for protection in case of divorce, they went ballistic.

Should she comply, or is this a red flag for her future? Find out what people have to say and share your thoughts.

My fiancé’s parents are loaded. Old money loaded. They can afford what I’m asking, no problem.

I make very good money at my job. I’m currently 27 and earn over $170,000 a year. Tim is a teacher. He doesn’t make much, but he has a trust fund, so he works sort of as a public service. It’s big in his family.

Recently, I had a weird conversation with him and his folks. They think that after the wedding, I should quit working and be a stay-at-home mom. I thought they were joking and kind of laughed. They are perfectly serious. They think it’s emasculating that I earn more than Tim.

Over the course of my career, I will earn much more than he. But his trust fund is low seven figures. He could afford to pay me what I earn yearly, but he can’t due to the stipulations of his trust. His mom, on the other hand, has lots of interests built up in her trust.

So I offered a solution I thought was fair. They set up an irrevocable trust for me. They must contribute to my gross earnings yearly, with bumps for anticipated raises and promotions. The deposits would be for the next 35 years. That was, I’m a stay-at-home mom, Tim is the breadwinner, and I’m protected in the case of a divorce.

They went nuts. Apparently, I’m ridiculous for thinking they will give me money. I offered a compromise. I sign a prenup wherein I am entitled to half of Tim’s trust fund in the case of divorce if I give up my career. Also, not acceptable to them.

I’m kind of at a loss. Do they honestly think I would give up my career with zero safety net?

My mom says I’m being kind of rude, putting everything in such stark monetary terms. I think I’m being reasonable. What do you think?

Most of the commentators strongly advised the woman to protect her financial independence:

• Your financial safety is sacred, and whoever doesn’t see that doesn’t wish you well. They might have all sorts of justifications, but they still fundamentally don’t wish you well and don’t care about you.
  And whether you choose to have a career or not is absolutely none of their business, the value of their opinion here is negative. © mar_brnv / Reddit

• My mother was guilted into giving up her career to stay home as a mom, and it was the worst decision she’s ever made. Her circumstances were a little different, but she was also married to a man whose family had money and told her she needed to focus on being a mother, and he was going to be a lawyer and take care of her.
  And then that didn’t happen, and she was stuck at home relying on him for money that he wasn’t bringing in. But by then her career was gone, she was 40 with three kids, an associate’s degree that she never got the chance to further with the company that would have paid for more schooling, and all her friends from that job were gone too.
  No professional connections, no honed skills, no income. You never know what could happen. Don’t let yourself be unprepared. © bigsigh7 / Reddit

Many felt that the fiancé’s family is attempting to manipulate the situation and take control over it:

• Your proposals didn’t fit their plan to totally control you and your husband and dole out money based on compliance with their instructions, and ultimately be in charge of any children you have, and so on.
  Get that prenup. To protect YOU. © Scenarioing / Reddit

• Old money is weird. They live by their own rules. They are not worried about a divorce because you are a possession to show off, like a nice car or watch. If Tim gets tired of you later, you should feel blessed he let you enjoy the time with his family.
  I work with a lot of these families, and it’s wild how they actually view people. They will do charities and say nice things to the public to keep up appearances. But you just got a firsthand experience of what the true behind-the-scenes conversations look like.
  Don’t quit your job, if they have a problem with it, ensure the trust is set up in your name. © Informal_Ask6646 / Reddit

• They don’t like that you earn a good salary. It would be harder for them to control you with their money if you aren’t financially reliant on them.
  Trust your instincts, OP. Keep your career. © MyRedditUserName428 / Reddit

• If his job isn’t for income and is more of a public service, then why does your salary matter? Are they just afraid he won’t be able to control you with their wealth? Something just seems fishy. © DiverseVoltron / Reddit

Many found it weird that the fiancé didn’t shut his family down and questioned if it’s worth entering that family at all:

• This is the time that your fiancé should be standing up for you and shutting his family down. His response here should tell you everything you need to know about your future marriage. Don’t do it, protect your future first. © kiwi62300 / Reddit

• If it’s emasculating that you earn more, that’s a problem your fiancé needs to handle himself. You have earned your career and pension. They cannot expect you to just give that up to save face.
  I’d seriously consider whether or not you want to be a part of a family like that. And Tim either needs to back you on what you want or decide himself if he’s okay with being “emasculated” 😳 © Redeeming_Reader_34 / Reddit

• You mention your partner was there during the conversation. What did he say to all of this? His family seems like a huge red flag to me, and he is part of it.
  If he did not defend your interests to his parents, are you sure you want to marry him? What kind of control will his family want to have over you if you even have kids? Or do you want to go back to work someday? This does not seem normal to me, like at all.
  If your partner does not have your best interest at all, which includes financial security if something ever goes wrong, then I think you should reevaluate marrying him. Be very careful if you decide to marry him. Get a prenup, a lawyer, and protect yourself. © SnowPrincess15 / Reddit

• I’m a screenwriter and I love my work, and I’ve always been the breadwinner, earning far more than my husband. Both his parents and my parents were appalled at this and could NOT stop commenting on how hard this must be for him, how dreadful this is, and so forth.
  Finally, I asked my husband, and he laughed and said he loved it. Because of my job, he was able to follow his dream of opening a bookstore, which we were absolutely able to do because of my income. If it were the other way around, no one would have given it a second thought!
  46 years later, he still loves it. He’s my biggest supporter.
  The ONLY thing that matters here is what your future husband thinks. If he is ANYTHING other than “I love this, I love you, I fully support you, I think it’s wonderful that you’re so successful, and let me know how I can help you be even more successful,” this is not a marriage to consider.
  I wouldn’t even deign to discuss it with your disgusting in-laws. And I also wouldn’t even begin to consider leaving your job to be fully dependent on your husband and in-laws. Not ONE thought! © CatCafffffe / Reddit

But it’s not just financial pressure that can cause friction—sometimes, it’s the emotional and personal boundaries that are tested. For example, when our reader gave birth, she thought the hardest part would be the sleepless nights.

But instead, it was her mother-in-law’s constant criticism that made her question everything. The breaking point came when her MIL told her, “That’s not a father’s job.” Read on to find out what happened next.