I Refuse to Let My Ex’s Widow Play Mom to My Daughter

3 weeks ago

I Refuse to Let My Ex’s Widow Play Mom to My Daughter

When families break apart and new ones form, the lines can get messy. One mom thought she finally had peace after her ex-husband passed away, until his new wife showed up, demanding to be called “the other mom.”

Hello Bright Side,

Life got complicated for me at a time when I should’ve only been focused on becoming a mom. I was pregnant when my marriage ended, and not long after, my ex-husband married a woman named Lia.

I never stopped him from being part of our daughter’s life, but Lia always forced herself into the picture. From the very beginning, she insisted on being called “Mom.” That was where I drew the line. My daughter already had a mother, and it wasn’t her.

Two months ago, my ex passed away, and for the first time, I thought I could close that chapter and move forward in peace. But Lia wasn’t ready to let go.

She showed up soon after, demanding a relationship with my daughter and even claiming she was “the other mom.” I stayed calm but told her clearly that she was not family and that I would not let my child grow up confused about who her real mother is.

The final straw came last week. My daughter turned one, and we threw her a small birthday party with close family and friends.

Out of nowhere, Lia showed up uninvited. She walked in insisting she deserved to be there, once again calling herself “the other mom.” It turned what should’ve been a sweet, happy day into a stressful scene.

I’ve always wanted to protect my daughter’s happiness and keep her world as steady as possible. But sometimes I wonder if I’m being too harsh by shutting Lia out completely, or if I’m right to stand my ground, so my daughter knows where she truly belongs.

Sincerely,
Kate

Keep the focus on your daughter’s stability.

Gloria Bishop

14 hours ago

So your daughter is 1 yrs old now and obviously won't remember who Lia is. I could understand Lia still wanting to be a part of your daughter's life if her father was 1) still alive and 2) if said child was older when father passed. Lia is nothing to the child let alone a "mother" and no child is obligated to call a step parent 'mom/dad' regardless of the family dynamics. You need to tell Lia; nicely, that you're sorry for the loss of her husband and your child's father BUT there will be no relationship going forward between you/them and if she persists you'll have to get a restraining order and seek out other ways to protect your daughter as Lia has no Legal rights to your child

Children thrive when their world feels safe and predictable. Make decisions based on whether a person or situation adds stability, or chaos, to your daughter’s life. If Lia’s presence creates stress, it’s a valid reason to limit contact. Reminding yourself that you’re not shutting her out to be “harsh,” but to protect your child’s sense of safety, can ease any guilt.

Separate personal feelings from parenting decisions.

It’s natural to feel resentment toward Lia, especially given her insistence on being “the other mom.” But try to evaluate her involvement strictly from your child’s perspective. Is there any benefit to your daughter, or does it only create confusion? When you base choices on what helps your daughter feel secure and loved, it takes the weight of personal conflict out of the equation.

Lean on neutral support figures.

Brenda Vance

3 weeks ago

Your baby wasn't even 1 year old so definitely no emotional attachment to Lia. It sounds like Lia has some issues mentally beyond her grief at the loss of your x and I would consider getting a protective order to keep your baby safe. When she showed up for the party I hope everyone just quickly showed her the door and did not entertain her delusions by letting her into the house.

It helps to have someone outside of the drama who can back you up, like a mediator, counselor, or trusted family member. This person doesn’t need to be involved daily but can step in when tensions rise. Having another adult witness difficult interactions keeps the situation from turning into “your word against hers.” It also shows your daughter that you’re handling things calmly and responsibly.

Sometimes love means facing choices you never expected. One woman opened her heart when her husband stepped up for his ex-wife, but the outcome left her questioning everything.
My Husband Said He Needed to Care for His Sick Ex-Wife—and I Let Him

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Malissa Shore

3 weeks ago

Her Dad died before she was even a year old. A parental relationship between Lia and child has barely had a chance to form. The only tie, legally, between Lia and the child, was the father. He is dead and thus ends any tie between the child and her former SM. OP needs to go to court and file a restraining order. Lia coming into private places she not only has no invitation but is knowingly unwelcome in, is worrying enough to get at least a TRO if not permanent. Lia has no legal or biological relationship with the child.

Ilonka Wimmer-Ljungqvist

3 weeks ago

You need to contact a lawyer ASAP.
She has no legal rights whatsoever to your child. She was just your ex-husband's wife and since he is gone there is nothing that ties her to your child. Make sure you get legal help before she spreads a bunch of lies. If you can then move away, if not, get security cameras so no one can get into the house. Make sure no one can pick up your child if it is at daycare other than you and give them a picture of her so they know what she looks like. If she tries to pick up your child, they will call you so you can come and tell her to Fuck off.
You need to be one step ahead of her. Tell everyone you know and family what she wants to do. She may try to take your child and disappear with it.