I Refuse to Let My Husband’s Daughter Live With Us Unless She Follows My Rules

Family & kids
month ago

Emily never wanted to live in the same house with her husband’s teenage daughter. However, when the daughter asked to move in, Emily felt she couldn’t simply say no. She agreed but made it clear that her stepdaughter would need to respect her rules. Emily didn’t expect her request to lead to family drama and conflict, so she turned to Bright Side seeking advice.

Diane Scott
month ago

Children of divorce catch on at a very early on how to manipulate and pit their parents against each other. 6

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Suzanne McCoy
month ago

Your children can live there but his child can't is what your saying. Hope your husband isn't surprised and knows who's to blame when she goes no contact.

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Roberta Surprenant
month ago

You are correct but should just say you don't want her there. Asking her to get rid of the dog says that anyway.

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Steven Paul-Smith
month ago

People need to stop reading into things sometimes things are straight forward she stated several times she would be happy to have her stay there it's just not ideal because people would have to share rooms and she maybe doesn't do chores at her mom's and maybe her mom makes special meals for her so she was just stating what she expected of children who live in the house. Her kids do chores and eat what she makes and because people have allergies the dog can't come. She could keep dog at moms place and take care of it.

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Kaleigh Cook
month ago

Sounds like there may be a lot more to this story that doesn’t involve this one situation. Have you thought about your kids live in a house with HER dad, and she doesn’t. That’s gotta be hard. You also say it’s not ideal for her to move in…. If she’s your step daughter why not? To me it sounds like you want to be a family with your kids and HER dad but not her. I’m a grown woman but the way you made it sound…. Screamed that all over it to me. There’s nothing wrong with any of your rules by the way, which also indicates why I think there’s a deeper reason you created drama in this situation. Read between the lines and stop making your step daughter feel like Cinderella.

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Steven Paul-Smith
month ago
Kaleigh Cook

It's not ideal because all the room are occupied so she would have to share a room with her daughter and someone is allergic to her dog. She isn't treating her like Cinderella. She is just stating a fact.

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Jackie McFadden
month ago

Take an allergy pill. Asking her to give up her dog is like asking you to give up one of your children.

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April Dancer
month ago
Jackie McFadden

Don't be ridiculous. She would have to spend her whole life on allergy pills. She doesn't have to give up the dog, it just can't live in that house.

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month ago
This comment is beautiful but so out of place.
Frances
month ago

Stand your ground because if you let him have that dog in the house who to say that she's going to be wanting to clean up after it and feed it stand your ground no matter what this is what happened with me and I let things go and then now me and my husband is departed so stand your ground it's not that you don't love her just stand your ground I agree with you 100%, rules are rules and if she don't like them go get your own place or stay where you at

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momofdag42
month ago

You don't sound like a very nice person!!! Let the girl bring her dog!!!! Ever heard of allergy medicine?

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month ago
The comment is closed for renovation.
month ago
The comment was deleted by a neighbor's dog.
month ago
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Frances
month ago
momofdag42

Why should she have to go buy allergy medicine. And if she has to buy allergy medicine let the daughter buy it because she didn't ask for that okay so you should know what you're talking about and she is a nice person because anybody that takes a package along with them they need to know what's up

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month ago
No comment? Pass the wine, please.
Ary
month ago

You handled it like a typical fairytale stepmother, tbh. I understand that blending a family is challenging. However, the attitude you have toward your stepdaughter is clearly turning a challenging situation downright difficult.
Also, I'm allergic to animal dander of all sorts. Severely allergic. Not life threatening, but my whole face, especially eyes,will swell if I don't take allergy meds. I have 4 furry children. The allergy medication available OTC these days are amazing.

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month ago
You can't see a comment that isn't there.
Frances
month ago
Ary

I don't think it's a attitude towards her her stepdaughter is just that she has allergies and people should respect that and if she wants her dog to come and live with them then she got the she has to follow the rules and if she don't like it then don't move there okay because that's her home that's her home you people are nuts

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month ago
The comment has left, but promises to come back.
Kaleigh Cook
month ago
Ary

Couldn’t agree more… what allergy medicine do you take? I too am allergic but my daughter wanted a dog and I couldn’t say no so I take meds, also found a cool spray you wipe on the dog that neutralizes pet dander and a room spray… all natural. Sounds like this mom should do some research…. But anyways I think my allergy meds don’t work that great I take xyzol…. Looking for a suggestion!

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month ago
Shhh! The comment is asleep.
Karla Klaus-Hoobler
month ago

I'd rather live in my car and keep my dog. That was a painful request. I'm not sure how to answer that one. But the rest of your requests were very fair.

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month ago
This comment came alive and ran away.
month ago
The comment has hidden itself outside our galaxy.
Amberlie Mikelsen
month ago

While the rules are reasonable, with the exception of the dog, your presentation/execution was NOT reasonable. Everyone doing chores, acceptable. Sharing a bedroom with a same-gender stepsibling, acceptable, especially if there's no other room available (and I'm not saying turn a home office into a bedroom, especially if either of you WFH). Not cooking separate meals, acceptable, even if your job is as a short-order cook, you can't afford and don't want to do that at home. The dog and your attitude are the problematic ones. If YOU are the only one in the household with an allergy to dogs, unless said allergy is anaphylaxis, take some dàmnèd Benadryl and get over yourself!

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month ago
This comment got punished.
month ago
This broke our hearts, so we had to delete it.
joyce smith
month ago
Amberlie Mikelsen

You are dead wrong about the dog. Wife has allergies and it doesn't make any difference how serious or non serious it is, she's allergic, PERIOD. Get a grip and imagine yourself in the same situation before judging this woman

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Cheyanne Ramirez
month ago

While technically these rules are reasonable, I don't like the way youve presented your attitude toward your stepdaughter. I dont like that you think her living with you isnt ideal. I would love for my stepsons to live with us, whether that makes it crowded or not. And I feel like as long as your children arent allergic to dogs then you as the parent should try really hard to find a solution so that she can have her dog there, whether thats taking medicine or following a strict grooming schedule you should at least try to put some effort in.

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month ago
The comment was deleted. Go home guys.
Steven Paul-Smith
month ago
Cheyanne Ramirez

Ideal does not mean she doesn't want her there. Ideal would be she has an extra room she could live in and no one has to share and that she wasn't allergic to dogs and so on. She stated fact it's not ideal but she didn't say she didn't want her there people need to stop assuming things and actually use common sense.

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Lisa Vacanti
month ago

I have a problem with she has her children from previous marriage but not ideal scenario for his child to live with them. She said it out loud. You don't think the child didn't pick up on it? How was it presented? That kid probably feels like the dog is only one who loves her. I love when people pull the allergy card, usually translates to I don't like it & if I pull the allergy card I win. I apologize to those with true allergies but you know it's true.

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month ago
Can't find the comment? Ask your mom.
Lisa Salfisberg
month ago
Climoris Gusmon

Well y'all it's her house, not yours and she's allergic to the pet so I agree with her, now if the child wants her pet there it would have to remain outside and that's not fair to the animal so it's best she leaves her pet with her mother wether she likes her at the moment or not

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Jaz
month ago
Lisa Salfisberg

It's ALSO the teenagers fathers house too, so I still disagree with her. She should go, especially if she's the only one with allergies.

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month ago
Big Brother is watching you.
month ago
Nobody. Should. See. This. Comment.
NotMykl
month ago
Pinkpunk143

The daughter was not told to get rid of her dog just that she couldn't keep it at her Dad's house because of allergies. The dog can stay at the Mother's house.

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Plmc
month ago
NotMykl

Your response does not make sense. Daughter would have to dispose of dog, to live with her father. And. SM is a phony. Most people are not allergic to dogs, in the way they are allergic to cats! Dogs can stay outside or in a storage shed or garage.
Not daughter's mother;s dog or responsibility to feed, groom & walk. Father ^ mother, do Not necessarily live in same area or town,

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month ago
A cleaning lady accidentally wiped away this comment.
Kaleigh Cook
month ago
joyce smith

Not at all. Evil because her entire presentation screams she wants the man all to herself and her own children and not have his child be part of their little family…. She even says his daughter living there is less than ideal…. Wth. The fact she even feels she has to give rules about “her” house says more…. It’s your husbands child…. I don’t think it’s up to you period it’s an understanding when you sing that contract y’all are all family now period

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Cynthia Rather Walker
month ago

I don’t hear anyone asking why this child is not speaking to her own mother. Her mother is obviously NOT DEAD! She is choosing NOT to live at her home, with the parent who obviously has parental custody of her. Sounds like a spoiled brat who wants to move somewhere where she thinks she can live free and act like an adult! I have lots of friends who had to leave their pets at home or rehouse them because they were not allowed where they moved or they just couldn’t afford the pet fees. And how unfair is it to a pet to have to live somewhere with someone who is allergic to you and they resent your being in their home?!

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Thank you, Emily, for trusting us with your story. The situation is indeed difficult, especially with a teenager adjusting to a new family dynamic. We hope that our advice will be helpful for you.

Communicate clearly.

Sit down with your stepdaughter and have an open, honest conversation about the rules and why they are important. Explain that these rules are not meant to be punitive, but to ensure fairness and maintain order in the household. Listen to her concerns and be open to discussing possible adjustments that could make her feel more comfortable without compromising your family’s needs.

Seek common ground.

Find areas where you and your stepdaughter can agree. For example, you could be flexible with the rules, like letting her ease into the chores over time or finding a solution for her dog if bringing it isn’t possible. Compromising can reduce tension and show that you’re willing to work together to make things work.

Consider involving a counselor.

Consider bringing in a family counselor or mediator if talking things through remains difficult. A neutral person can help guide a productive discussion between you, your husband, and your stepdaughter, making sure everyone’s concerns are listened to and handled fairly.

Create a plan.

Recognize that moving in can be a significant adjustment for a teenager. Develop a transition plan that includes gradual integration into the household rules and responsibilities. This approach can help her adapt more smoothly and feel more included in the family dynamics.

Reaffirm your support.

eric hill
month ago

The biggest mistake she made was not talking this over with her husband beforehand and coming to a mutually agreed upon set of rules and then having h be the one to present those rules to his daughter.

Making up the rules on her own and going to the daughter on her own to tell her the rules she decided upon was a mistake.

Doing things the way she did was bound to create resentment from the daughter since she is her stepmother and not her actual mother (step parents disciplining or making rules for their step children rarely goes well); as well as from her husband for not including him in the decision making process for the rules for his child.

While her rules may have been reasonable, she pretty much went about it in the worst way possible.

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Make sure your stepdaughter knows that, despite the rules, you care about her and want her to feel welcomed and valued in the family. Spend quality time with her and show support in ways that help build trust and strengthen your relationship. This will help her feel loved and reduce feelings of resentment or rejection.

Relationships with in-laws can also be difficult, especially when you have different views on important subjects. When a caring grandmother discovered that her daughter-in-law was only bathing the children twice a week, she couldn’t help but step in. Little did she expect that her actions would lead to family conflict and drama.

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amanda mcilvaine
month ago

But the key word to me was 'ideal'that in the sentence made it sound like she really doesn't want her living with them at any rate. Most likely making it more difficult for the teen ok first it's these 4 rules, what's going to happen next to try to get her to leave and then after that if the second motive doesn't work. I feel. Like the step mom is beating around the bush to hide majority of the extension she's going to bring making herself sound good but just another Disney evil step mother.

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Nancy Petterson
month ago

I'm a mother of 5 adult children and they all have to follow the same rules. Boundaries are very important for children. Remember your step daughter will be an adult one day.

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Jane Turley
month ago

Nothing abnormal or out of line with these rules. Seems like normal expectations to me. Maybe the same kinds of rules are why she doesn't want to live with her mother.

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Genie Brinson
month ago

Whose home is it? If the wife's home she should make the rules and the husband's daughter should understand. If the home belongs to the husband, then the wife needs to set up the rules with her husband and he can lay them out to his daughter.

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Cindy Baker
month ago

How would you feel if your step daughter was with her dad full time when you and him got married and your kids lived with their dad then wanted to move in with you guys and your husband set boundaries and rules on them? You would be mad and say that's unfair to them.

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