I Refuse to Let My Stepson Bring His Mom’s Cooking to My Home

Being a stepparent is hard, even more so when the child is a teenager. It’s already difficult for them when their parents separate, and introducing someone new into their life complicates matters.

One of our readers shared their story.

Dear Bright Side,

I’m in a situation that I don’t know how to deal with. Recently, my 15-year-old stepson has started bringing home-cooked meals from his mom’s house when he comes over to visit us. In the beginning I thought it was strange, but now I think there’s a lot more too it.

I cook for the entire family every night, but since he’s been bringing his mom’s food, he refuses to eat what I make. He won’t even look at the food. He just microwaves whatever his mom packed him and eats it in silence.

I tried to be understanding because I thought there might be a logical explanation behind it. But this time things went too far. Last night I made his favorite meal or at least, what used to be his favorite and he didn’t even look at it. He just pulled out his mom’s container.

I lost it and snapped at him, not my best moment, but it happened. I told him that I wasn’t okay with what he was doing anymore. I think I might’ve gone too far when I said that this is my home, I’m not running a restaurant, and if he doesn’t want to eat what I cook, he can figure it out on his own.

He didn’t react any way I thought he would. He didn’t even flinch. He just gave me a blank expression and said, “Relax, it’s not like anyone asked you to pretend to be my mom. I have no problem with the one I have. If it bothers you, that’s your problem.”

I stood there speechless. It’s not like I ever tried to be or replace his mother. But the fact that he thought I did, really stung. I know teens can be difficult, but I never expected the sweet boy I knew to say something so horrible.

When I tried to discuss it with my husband later that night, he said that I needed to let it go. “He’s just a teenager,” he added. I’ve been telling myself the same thing, but what he said really hurt, and I don’t know how to deal with it.

Thank you for reaching out to us. We understand how difficult a situation like this one can be, and we’ve put together some tips that might help you out.

Get on the same page.

Being a stepparent isn’t easy, but it can be manageable with the help of your partner. Discuss the situation with your husband, let him give his honest opinion, and then give yours. Tell him that you never tried to be his son’s mother, and you’re hurt that he’s accusing you of such things. Once you are on the same page, you can look into ways of managing the situation.

You’re not his mom, but you are a mom.

That might sound counterintuitive, but it’s true. You might not be the one who raised him, but you do take care of him, and that means something. So be a mom. Watch him, look out for the days where he seems more down or upset. Don’t try to force him to open up, but do subtle things to let him know you care and that you’re there.

If he seems extra moody, leave his favorite candy bar in his room. If he seems agitated stay out of his way. Soon you’ll see that the little gestures mean a lot more than words. He might even start opening up to you because he’ll understand that you are not a threat, and you’re not trying to control him.

Having stepchildren isn’t easy, but at the end of the day, it’s how you treat them that really matters. Some people will try to exclude them, while other’s will try to replace their parent. But if you really want to be on good terms with them, be neutral because most of the time that’s all they need.