I Refuse to Pay My Broke DIL’s Medical Bills—I’m Not a Charity

2 hours ago

I never thought I’d be the kind of person to say no when a family member needed help. But here I am, standing my ground, even when my son begs me to reconsider. My daughter-in-law is sick, and the medical bills are through the roof. My son desperately wants me to step in financially—but I refuse.

Hi, Bright Side readers! Please listen to what I have to say and then judge whether I’m right or wrong. I know I sound awful for not helping my DIL out, but I have my reasons. From the beginning, my daughter-in-law Emily has had a habit of making poor financial choices. She and my son, Jake, got married young, and instead of being practical, they splurged on an extravagant wedding, even though I strongly advised them against it.

In fact, they took out credit and loans to further spend money on a lavish, long honeymoon. When they returned, reality hit hard. Rent, groceries, and everyday expenses became a struggle. My son has always worked hard, but Emily? She hops from one job to another, never staying anywhere long enough to build stability. She claims bad luck follows her, but in truth, she just doesn’t try hard enough. She’s lazy and takes things for granted.

Even when Jake asked her to cut back on unnecessary shopping, she ignored him. They’ve been drowning in debt for years, and every time they hit a financial rough patch, guess who they turn to?

Me.

I’ve helped before—and it never stops.

I’ve bailed them out more times than I can count. I paid off their car loan when they were about to lose it. I covered their rent for three months when they fell behind. I even helped with a down payment on a house, thinking it would finally set them on the right path. But every time I extend a helping hand, they take the whole arm.

Now, my DIL is sick, and the medical bills are piling up. My son cried and begged me for help. I know he’s scared. I know he loves his wife. I’m done cleaning up my DIL’s messes but it’s hard to see my son struggling.

I found out a shocking truth about her.

So, I considered it. Helping them out one last time. But then, my friend, who works at the bank, mentioned that she saw my DIL in the office often. She told me that Emily would come in often to deposit cash into a private account. Not just a little, but thousands of dollars.

Curious, I did some digging, and my blood boiled when I found out she had been keeping us in the dark all along. While pretending she and Jake were broke, she had been secretly sending money to her family!

Jake apparently had no idea. He truly believed they were struggling. Meanwhile, Emily had been quietly funneling money to her parents and siblings, prioritizing them over the life she built with my son. When I confronted her, she just shrugged and said, “They needed it more than we did. They were really in a bad place, and I didn’t know what else to do.”

While my son worked tirelessly, while I sacrificed to help them stay afloat, Emily was secretly prioritizing her own family—at the expense of mine. And now, she expects me to pay her medical bills? Absolutely not.

I chose to walk away.

I told Jake the truth. At first, he refused to believe me. But when he confronted Emily, she admitted everything. He seemed hurt at first but didn’t make a big deal over it. He still asked me to help her out. I told him flat out that she should ask for money from her family for a change. I refuse to be taken advantage of, I’m not a charity and neither do I have money to spare.

I may have seemed heartless, but I wasn’t going to be played for a fool. Family should mean loyalty, trust, and honesty—not using people as a financial safety net while secretly funneling money elsewhere. I still love my son, and I will always be there for him. But Emily? She made her choices. And I made mine.

What would you have done in my situation?

A few days have passed, and even though my son hasn’t contacted me directly, I heard Emily is still in the hospital, and that they are struggling with the bills. I feel bad for my son. Should I help them out just this last time? Or do I stick with what I said and teach them a lesson?

Thank you for sharing your troubling story with us. Here are some suggestions you might consider moving forward:

Stay Firm, but with Compassion — You made the right decision, but that doesn’t mean you don’t care. Emily is in a tough situation, and while you’re not completely responsible for her, it’s okay to acknowledge that this is hard for everyone involved.

Support Jake Without Enabling — He’s not just dealing with financial stress but also emotional betrayal. Be there for him, offer guidance, and if you choose to help financially, ensure it’s in a way that empowers him rather than making him dependent.

Encourage Understanding, Not Resentment — Emily made mistakes, but people don’t always handle struggles well. While her choices were unfair to you, harboring anger won’t help. You may take this opportunity to communicate openly with your DIL and consider her perspective too.

Maintain Boundaries with Kindness — It’s okay to say no while still showing care. If Emily reaches out, you can offer emotional support or advice without getting financially involved. Boundaries don’t have to be harsh—they just need to be clear.

Help Them Rebuild with Stability — This could be an opportunity for them to start fresh. Encourage them to learn from this experience, take control of their finances, and prioritize a future built on trust and responsibility.

Take Care of Yourself, Too — This has been draining for you as well. Prioritize your well-being and surround yourself with people who respect your choices. You can be compassionate while still protecting yourself from being taken advantage of.